


It wasn't you

by Shastelly



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adventures in Shiro's head, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Astral Plane, Cutting, Depression, Drinking to Cope, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hurt Hunk (Voltron), Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt Pidge | Katie Holt, Hurt Shiro (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Physical Abuse, Pining Keith (Voltron), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shiro (Voltron) Angst, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, poetry by campfire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-10-11 07:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 64,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17442335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shastelly/pseuds/Shastelly
Summary: He was back on the astral plane, standing across from himself? "Welcome back, Shiro." The other him snarled. "Who? What are you?" "Oh me, I'm the program Haggar put in poor old Kuron's head. That's what you call him right? Kuron? Clone?" The other him laughed cruelly. "How confusing for you."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's notes: This is a fix it kind of fic for the whole Kuron thing. I just feel like it ended too abruptly and wasn't really resolved. And I mean part of the clone was like Shiro, he just wanted to be the paladin :), and then there was the part that was evil. The clone program was started long before Haggar could have anticipated needing him to save Lotor, so that couldn't have been her original plan…right? Anyway here's my attempt at making it fit and throwing in a huge scoop of Langst cause I can.
> 
> So the tag for implied/referenced Non-con - it's off screen and will not be described directly. However one character will act like a total dick about it and say some really not appropriate things that could be upsetting and I want to be sure to give it full warning.

Shiro couldn't help but notice the shocked looks, the flinches, the timid way Lance would act around him. Something was wrong, and he didn't know what it was. It was almost like Lance was afraid of him. And that couldn't make sense, why would he be afraid of him? In all other aspects it was clear that Lance had matured and grown while he was away - dead - whatever, and wasn't that weird and awkward.

He felt old, tired, drained. Allura assured him that his quintessence was low and that with time he would regain his vitality. He was looking forward to it. He didn't like feeling like a feeble confused old man. He didn't really like that was how Keith was treating him either, but he had to be understanding. He could imagine how he would feel if the situation had been reversed.

He wondered why Keith had left Voltron. Had the clone him…okay awkward more…Kuron…yeah that works… Had Kuron and Keith had a falling out before he left? He had heard that Keith had been the one to subdue this clone body. He knew the new scar on his brother's face was the fault of the body he now occupied. Keith didn't flinch around him though, so why did Lance? He sighed and leaned back into his bed. It had only been a couple of days since he'd been reattached to his body, since his soul had almost rejected this body. This body that wasn't his. It was his now. He needed to sleep, maybe it would make sense in the morning. Then again, maybe not.

There was a whole piece of life missing. A piece this body lived, but he didn't. So many things had happened while he was gone. It was overwhelming trying to catch up to where they were. Their lives had gone on without him and he just had this huge hole. Keith had lived even longer because of some space time thing. He couldn't remember the last time he didn't know everything that had happened in Keith's life. He'd left the people he was responsible for alone, in a war, with a weird clone replacement of himself. He closed his eyes and his nightmares were filled with visions on himself fighting Keith.

***

Lance laid in his bunk in Red. He couldn't sleep. He felt so stupid. How could he be so damn stupid?! Of course it hadn't been Shiro. Looking back it was all there for him to put together, so many clues. Quiznak, the clone practically told him and he was just too stupid. He couldn't sleep.

He stood up and slipped into his armor, maybe he'd just go for a walk. The planet they were on was wooded. There were some predators, but nothing large and they seemed to be easily scared off by light and loud noise. He mentally reassured Red. He just needed some fresh air, maybe run off some nerves, then he'd be back.

He was just stepping out of Red when a voice stopped him.

"Lance?" Keith stepped out of the shadows.

"Oh, hey, I just needed some air, thought I'd go for a run." Lance answered nervously.

Keith frowned, it was pretty clearly not the entire story. "How about I run with you?"

Lance shrugged. "Suit yourself, but I'm not slowing down for you."

They took off at a slow paced and then worked up to speed. Lance knew he was starting to leave Keith behind, but he needed to push himself. He needed to feel his heart pound and his lungs fill completely, he needed to feel something-anything. He kept running until he just couldn't. He couldn't. He fell to his knees and then to his hands panting. Keith caught up to him a minute or so later.

"You…are…fast…when…you…want…to…be." Keith leaned over, putting his hands on his knees, panting.

Lance nodded. He couldn't talk yet.

Keith sat down and started stretching, "You're going to cramp if you don't move."

Lance managed to get himself seated. He practically laid flat against legs. Keith was constantly jealous of his flexibility. It was like he could just fold himself in half. Lance said it was from years of yoga.

"So, going to tell me why you can't sleep?" Keith asked.

"No." Lance moved and stretched to the side.

"Why?"

"Don't want to." Lance closed his eyes and pulled his feet together and folded himself in half again.

"Ok." Keith didn't think pushing was going to help. He wasn't sure what to do when the most talkative person he knew wouldn't talk. "It's Shiro, right? You're still feeling guilty about not knowing it was him."

"Wouldn't you?" Lance asked.

"I do." Keith felt his own guilt welling up again.

"You didn't live with him. I did. You didn't see him when he had his headaches and spells. He told me he wasn't himself. He called out to me on the astral plane. I should have at least gone back to the astral plane to look for him. I should have known. I should have known that Shiro wouldn't act like that." Lance yelled up at the sky in frustration. "I WAS SO STUPID!"

"Lance."

"Shut up, Keith." Lance wasn't ready to be coddled or comforted. He was so angry with himself and ashamed he just couldn't see past it.

"Lance."

"I said SHUT UP!" Lance stood abruptly.

"What are you going to do? Hit me?" Keith stood up toe to toe with Lance.

"I might."

"Oh yeah!"

"Yeah!"

And then Keith stuck his tongue out at him. The Black Paladin, leader of Voltron, just stuck his tongue out at him. Lance couldn't stop the laughter the bubbled up out of him. Keith wrapped his arms around him and his laughter turned to sobs. They sat in the woods on the alien world and cried and laughed until the planet's sun came up.

"We should get back." Lance muttered.

"Yeah, they'll be looking for us." Keith stood and offered Lance his hand. "We got him back. We didn't fail him. We did what we had to do."

"Yeah. What we had to do." Lance echoed. His thoughts on other things.

"Lance? How could we have known? He acted like Shiro. So much like him, I didn't see it." Keith took a deep breath.

"Most of the time." Lance whispered. "Most of the time he was Shiro."

"Most of the time?" Keith frowned looking in concern at Lance.

"Let's get back." Lance turned and began walking back to camp, leaving Keith questioning just what had happened when he hadn't been acting like Shiro.

***

Shiro was sitting by the fire. He was cold. He couldn't seem to get warm. He had been sipping a soup Hunk had warmed up for him, when he realized his hand was shaking. Then the cup fell as he couldn't grip it. He was staring at the liquid spilling on the ground. His vision had completely tunneled to that point, there were voices buzzing around him, but he couldn't hear them. His body started to shake even harder and he felt himself fall.

He was back on the astral plane, standing across from himself?

"Welcome back, Shiro." The other him snarled.

"Who? What are you?"

"Oh me, I'm the program Haggar put in poor old Kuron's head. That's what you call him right? Kuron? Clone?" The other him laughed cruelly. "How confusing for you."

"What are you doing in my head?"

"Oh, I've been here the whole time, waiting. Kuron died. I didn't. It's not that easy to stop me." He moved until he stood directly in front of Shiro. "I'm going to kill you, just like I did him, and then I'm going to use your body to destroy your family. My job hasn't been completed, just complicated."

"I won't let you hurt them!" Shiro yelled.

"Don't you mean hurt them more?" He laughed again. "After all how long did I live with them? Did you think it was all sunshine and roses?"

"What did you do?" Shiro growled.

"Well, I pushed away one Paladin, didn't I? Keith left. Then it was just a matter of breaking up your team, I had control of the Black Paladin so all I had to do was push away another Paladin and then Voltron was finished. I had to do it right though, couldn't make him a martyr. Had to isolate him, make him doubt himself, turn the team against him, and when the moment was right I would have disposed of him and they would never have questioned it." He paced as he spoke, "but then Haggar had to have me save her dear Lotor. Such a waste of my efforts." He shook his head.

Shiro felt his anger burn. He'd pushed Keith away. He'd targeted and tried to eliminate…Lance…it had to be. It explained so much. No way was he letting this guy hurt them ever again. "I won't let you."

"How are you going to stop me?" He laughed.

Shiro dove forward swinging at him with all his might. Then he was on the ground. The wind was blowing and Allura was looking down at him.

"Shiro are you with us?" she asked.

"Allura?" he croaked.

"Yes. It's okay now. You can rest." She patted his chest with her hand.

"It's not, Allura, he's in my head. The thing Haggar made, he's still in there." Shiro whispered as his eyes closed, his body exhausted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: FYI I seem to be incapable of writing angst without fluff
> 
> Coran's story is a nod to "Deadly Flowers" a Voltron Defender of the Universe episode...and the fact I was robbed of a swordfight scene between Lance and Lotor, not that I'm bitter about that or anything...

"What happened?" Keith skidded to his knees next to Shiro. He'd almost had a heart attack seeing him lying on the ground next to Allura.

"He had a seizure." Pidge whispered through tears.

"He was okay and then…" Hunk waved his hand clearly still shocked. Lance hand gone over and wrapped an arm around him.

"He started to reject the body again, Keith." Allura answered him sadly. "There's more, but for now help me get him back into the chamber. I want to be sure we monitor him constantly. He was weakened further. I was able to stabilize him this time, but I'm not sure how many more of these he can take."

Allura lifted Shiro and Keith walked with her into Black. They activated the pod and set up the system to alarm if anything unusual was detected. Allura said the sooner she could intervene the better it would be for Shiro.

"Keith, I was able to talk to Shiro for a moment after the seizure. He said that something Haggar made was in his head. I am afraid there is still something left of the programming Haggar implemented in the clone is still somehow remaining in the body. We know that the clone acted very much like Shiro until suddenly he didn't." Allura explained, lightly brushing her hand through Shiro's hair.

"Most of the time." Keith muttered.

"What?" Allura looked up with a frown.

"Something Lance said, the clone was just like Shiro most of the time." Keith was also frowning.

"So maybe the presence or spell or program - it was there all the time, just controlled by the clone's copy of Shiro's soul." Allura pondered.

"Copy of his soul?" Keith pondered the words.

"His being, his quintessence, who he was had to have been copied nearly perfectly for Black to respond to him. There was within the clone a person who was essentially Shiro. There is a reason we accepted him." Allura had spent a lot of time thinking through this. Her knowledge from Oriande had helped her a great deal.

"And that part of him?" Keith asked, though he already guessed the answer.

"When you brought the body back, there was no quintessence in it. There was no soul." Allura remembered the hollow echo inside the body when she searched his mind before they put it in the pod. At the time she thought she was sensing Shiro's own death.

"So what do we do?" Keith held Shiro's hand. It felt too cold, too still. He was afraid.

"I'm not sure." Allura sighed. "I need to try to figure out what this remnant is and how we can remove it, because as long as it remains we are all in danger."

"Can we get any readings from the pod? Is there anything here that can help?" Keith gestured to the buttons.

"We only have limited functionality due to the lack of power. It takes access to a Balmera crystal to fully activate the pod, as you know we cannot use it's healing functions." Allura looked over the panel attached to the pod. "Perhaps though, if we stayed here another day and rigged some sort of charging station, we could power a more detailed scan. I must talk with Coran, Pidge and Hunk and see if it's feasible."

***

A few hours later there was a strangely shaped conglomeration of metal, wires, and possibly some aluminum foil on a hilltop above were the lions were resting. Lance and Keith had played the pack mules hauling things up the hill, though Lance had complained that Keith using Cosmo was, in fact, cheating. He had threatened to get Kaltendecker out and have her pull a cart. Keith pointed out that they did not have a cart. It went downhill from there and they were both banned from further helping and sent to make lunch. Krolia and Romelle had taken over assisting with the construction.

"So what are we cooking?" Lance asked looking at the fire.

"What do you know how to cook?" Keith looked just as perplexed.

"On a fire, with alien ingredients, do I look like Hunk?" Lance asked.

"What do you know how to cook on a fire with no alien ingredients?" Keith tried again a smile twitching at his lips.

"Oh, um, we used to cook stuff on the beach: shrimp kabobs, corn, marshmallows, potatoes?" Lance kind of shrugged. "What about you?"

"Chili? Stew?" Keith offered.

"Well, let's check what we have to work with?" Lance and Keith started picking through the crates. Keith kept looking at Lance. Lance was starting to feel nervous. "What?!"

"What? What?" Keith jumped back at Lance's yell.

"Why do you keep looking at me?" Lance stood with his hands on his hips.

"When was he not, Shiro I mean, when was the clone not Shiro?" Keith finally asked.

Lance sighed and turned back to the crates, for a minute Keith thought he was going to ignore him. "He would get really angry sometimes. He would get these headaches. He told me one time he just didn't feel like himself, like he knew something was wrong. At the time I just thought it was because of having been a captive again. I mean that would have to mess with you right? I thought it was his PTSD again, only now it was worse. I just…I should have known better." Lance carried some sort of vegetable over to the fire, it had a husk like corn, but looked more like a potato inside.

"Okay." Keith tried to process what he was saying. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were gone. I never knew if you were on a mission or where you would be…you know like on a space whale or something?" Lance give him a half-hearted grin, which faltered when Keith didn't return it. "I didn't want to undermine him. It wasn't his fault that he'd had to go through so much and he was still acting himself most of the time. My job is to support the Black Paladin, be the right hand, you know? I just had it wrong." Lance hung his head, he was still beating himself up over not recognizing the real problem.

"I don't know Lance, if you had figured it out sooner, would we have had a place for the real Shiro to go? Or would we have had to let him go?" Keith's heart clenched at the idea of losing Shiro forever.

Lance looked up shocked, clearly he hadn't thought of that before. "Huh." He gave that one sound and then went back to cooking. Keith figured it was as good as he was going to get out of him right now.

***

They ended up with a vegetarian chili with something like TVP and alien beans and some kind of berry that tasted like corn. The roasted not potato/corn ended up tasting almost like bread. Hunk threatened to let them cook more often.

It was an unusually quiet meal, they were all thinking and worrying about Shiro. Keith and Lance were particularly tired given that they hadn't slept the night before and both turned in early. Allura joined them shortly thereafter, healing Shiro drained her as well.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Hunk finally broke the silence.

"Of course, it's Shiro." Pidge piped up, though her voice waivered a bit on the end.

"I can't believe we didn't know." Hunk sighed.

"He seemed like him, mostly." Pidge stared into the fire. "Sometimes he'd seem off, but there was so much going on."

"Yeah, he yelled a lot more, but everything was more intense, I just, it sort of made sense." Hunk added another log.

"Until the day he yelled at Allura, I truly had not considered that there might be something wrong." Coran offered.

"You should stop blaming yourselves." Krolia spoke sternly. "A clone is a copy, a duplicate in every way from the original if done properly. I have seen mothers fooled by Haggar's magic. You could not have known. Worrying about what should have been known is a waste of your energy."

"You've seen clones before." Coran asked.

"Only twice, though other records exist amongst the Blades. Once was a diplomat, cloned because he had died in a stupid accident and the Empire did not wish for there to be a power struggle. He was made as an exact copy. I believe he may still be alive, living with his family. The other was a monster." She looked away. "I will not speak further about it."

"That was both oddly comforting and terrifying at the same time." Hunk kind of stared at Krolia for awhile after that. "Anyone got a nice story to tell so I don't have nightmares about that all night?"

"What sort of story would you like Number two?" Coran offered with a twirl of his moustache. Pidge giggled and Romelle scooted closer to Coran.

"Something about Altea?" Romelle scooted so that she was sitting at his feet.

"Of course, how about the story of the magical healing flowers from the planet Lyra and how they saved the Queen's life?" Coran offered.

"Magic flowers?" Pidge scooted closer.

"Yes, there was once a horrible illness on Altea. Many people had a fever. It was spread by a spore that had come down from space." Coran explained. "I was a young man and I also became sick. The Queen though, she became very ill."

"Allura's mother?" Hunk asked.

"Yes, but before Allura was born, before the lions were born." Coran answered. "King Alfor was beside himself, his beloved wife was ill. He put out a notice of a reward across the universe. Anyone who brought him a cure could have their pick from the royal treasury."

"That was when this scoundrel from a distant planet showed up. He told that he knew of a planet where there were healing flowers. He said he would need a special ship to get there. If the King would help him build the ship, he would go and get the flowers. Most of the King's advisors were against it. They said that this person was using the King and the tragic situation to get something he wanted. But the King looked into his eyes and he believed him. He saw goodness in his eyes."

The audience was enthralled, even Krolia seemed to be vaguely paying attention. Coran was in his element. He stood so he could make some more grandiose gestures as he described the building of the ship.

"The King worked day and night until the ship was constructed. He was tireless in his effort and within two quintants the ship was built. The Scoundrel, as the people of Altea had begun to call him, took flight that very hour. Most thought he would never return. I recall seeing the flames from the takeoff going across the sky in the window of the infirmary. All my hope went with him." Coran smiled, but he looked sad.

"The Scoundrel, went to the planet Lyra. He had to have the special ship because the magnetic forces around the planet were so powerful that no regular vessel would be able to enter. What he didn't know was that a group of space pirates had already landed on the planet. They knew of the illness on Altea and planned to blackmail the King with the cure. They had taken the King and his beautiful young daughter hostage. The Scoundrel was captured not long after landing and brought before the King and the Prince of the pirates. The beautiful young princesses pleaded for mercy. She begged that they provide healing to Altea. The Scoundrel managed to work his way free from his bonds. He sprung forward and engaged the prince in a sword battle. As they fought the pirates made their escape. They stole all the harvested plants and burned the fields. The Prince fled the fight before it was over. The Scoundrel screamed at him to return, but he fled like the coward he was. The Scoundrel wept. He thought he had failed." Coran paused for effect. There were tears in Romelle and Hunk's eyes.

"The beautiful young princess came to him. She wrapped her arms around him and thanked him for saving her planet and then she gave him a gift - a bag of flower seeds. She said they were the last left in all of Lyra and she hoped they would be enough to save the people of Altea. The Scoundrel kissed her and flew away. He returned to Altea. Those who had called him Scoundrel know called him Hero. The seeds were planted and thrived on Altea. The flowers were made into a tea and all who were ill were restored to health, including the Queen." Coran smiled and gave his mustache a twitch.

"What was the Scoundral's name?" Krolia asked curious. She had never heard this story before.

"The Scoundrel was also known as Blaytz and the flowers were juniberries." Coran loved the reaction to his final reveal.

"The Blue Paladin!" Pidge yelped.

"No way!" Hunk smiled.

"That does offer some insight into his inclusion with the other paladins." Krolia smiled, pleased to have a piece of the puzzle.

"Now, I believe it is late. We may have a busy day tomorrow." Coran stepped away into the darkness on his way to Blue.

"Do you ever wonder what all he knows?" Hunk asked.

"I know, right?" Pidge smiled.

Romelle hugged her knees picturing fields of flowers.


	3. Chapter 3

Keith woke suddenly. Something had disturbed him, but he didn't know what. He'd learned to trust his instincts though, so he got up and dressed in his armor before stepping out into the night. He waited quietly tensed and ready. The sound of breaking glass drew his attention. He walked slowly sticking to the shadows and found himself at the feet of Red. Sitting on her head was Lance. There was a pile of broken glass bottles between her front feet.

"Lance."

"Keef." Lance attempted to say his name.

"Are you drunk?" Keith asked astonished.

"Nope. Working on it." Lance answered opening another bottle and taking a long swig.

Keith scaled up Red and sat next to Lance, he had a crate of whatever it was sitting next to him. He seemed to have made it through four or five already if Keith was counting right. He turned the one he had upside down and chugged it, before tossing it to the ground with the sound of breaking glass.

"I love that sound." He closed his eyes for a minute and then reached for another.

"Wow, don't you think you've had enough?" Keith tried to intercept, but Lance snaked his other arm around Keith and grabbed another bottle.

"Nope. I can still taste it." Lance opened the bottle with the edge of his armor and took another swig. "Tastes horrible."

"Then why are you drinking it?" Keith asked astonished.

"Can't sleep. Need to sleep." Lance answered staring at the bottle. "Need to sleep." He repeated.

"Lance, there are better ways," Keith made a grab for the bottle, but Lance stood and staggered back.

"Back off!" He took another long chug. "This works. Know it works." He staggered a little more and Keith was worried he would fall.

"Okay, okay, fine, just sit down." Keith whispered.

"Pffth!" Lance made a sound and waved Keith off. "Red'll catch me. Red always catch me." He sat down and patted her head.

"Do this a lot?" Keith asked cautiously.

"When I need to sleep." Lance answered, his eyes starting to droop. "Can't go too many days, it hurts."

"Lance." Keith moved closer to him and slipped the bottle from his hand. "How long have you been doing this?"

"Long as I had to." Lance answered. He leaned over against Keith. "You're warm."

"Yeah and you're cold. Let's get you inside." Keith got an arm around the wobbly form of the Red Paladin. He could barely keep a hold of him. He kept slipping down and bending at weird angles. "Geez, give me a hand."

Lance attempted to clap, snorting in sleepy drunk laughter.

"Great. Thanks." Keith managed to get him into his bed. He put a blanket over him.

"Thanks, Keef." Lance mumbled.

"You're welcome." Keith wondered not for the first time, what the hell had happened since he had been gone.

Keith made it back to the Black Lion and settled into the blankets he had set up next to the pod. He didn't want to be too far from Shiro.

"Keith?" Shiro's voice rasped.

"I'm here." Keith reached up and grabbed his hand.

"Okay. Everyone okay?" He asked.

Keith hesitated a moment, were they really okay, "We're worried about you." He offered, that was at least true.

"I'm sorry." He sighed.

"Don't be sorry. We're the ones that are sorry." Keith rubbed the back of his hand.

"Don't need to be sorry for me either. I just wish I knew what I missed." Shiro closed his eyes and his breathing evened out.

"You and me both." Keith agreed before settling back to sleep.

***

The next morning camp was buzzing with activity. Hunk was cooking, Pidge and Coran were fussing over the charging station. Romelle was asking Allura a million questions. Allura was avoiding her. Krolia was hiding on top of Black, that is standing watch, with Cosmo. Keith just wondered through it all half awake.

"Keith, want some not coffee?" Hunk offered him a cup.

"Thanks." Keith took a deep breath of the warm steam. It didn't taste much like coffee, but it was better than anything he'd had on the space whale. "Would you believe I actually missed this?"

Hunk frowned, "It's weird that you weren't gone that long, but you were to you. We didn't even know you were missing to worry about you."

"Yeah." Keith pondered it over in his head.

"I'm sorry." Hunk offered blushing slightly.

"Why?" Keith looked at him curiously.

"We didn't know or try to help you or anything." Hunk looked sad. "Between you and Shiro, we aren't doing very good keeping track of each other. Speaking of, where is Lance?" Hunk looked around.

"He was having a late night, let him sleep if he can." Keith answered looking back at Red.

"Oh." Hunk looked down at the pot he was stirring. "He's been distant. I'm worried about him."

"I know, me too." Keith patted Hunk on the back. "I guess we have a year and a half to get our acts together while we travel to Earth, huh?"

"So much happened so fast, it's like my brain hasn't even processed half of it." Hunk sprinkled something in the pot. "Breakfast will be ready in a few dobashes. Alien oatmeal and veggie sausages with not-coffee for the win."

"I'll let the rest of them know. I hope we'll be ready for the scan soon." Keith wandered over to where Pidge and Coran were sitting.

"I'm certain we can power this level scan, but I'm not sure it will get Allura what she needs." Pidge fretted.

"I'm sure we will figure it out Number five." Coran patted her shoulder. "We have achieved more power than I anticipated, your upgrades improved capacity by 30%."

"I just hope it's enough." Pidge said not looking up from her tablet.

"So are we ready?" Keith asked.

"Two more varga and we will be at the full capacity of the battery we rigged." Pidge answered. "Then we can try to help Shiro." Pidge sighed. "I can't believe we left him in Black all this time."

"It's not your fault Pidge." Keith patted her back. "It's not like we knew, right?"

"Right, I mean, it's just when Matt and Dad were missing I looked for them, like all the time looked for them. I didn't even know Shiro was missing to look." She sighed again and thumped her fist on her thigh.

"What is it, Pidge?" Keith asked.

"I liked him." She whispered.

"Shiro?" Keith frowned.

"The other Shiro, the clone, I mean he was our leader and he was good to us and played games with us and ate with us and was there when I got Matt back and when I got Dad back. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about him." Pidge frowned up at Keith, "I mean he died, right?"

"Yeah, Pidge, from what Allura said as soon as the clone programming took over and he bolted with Lotor, the part of him that was like Shiro died."

Pidge looked at him for a moment her nose twitching and her eyes shining, "Yeah, I thought so." She sniffled and looked back at her tablet.

Keith rocked on his heels. He had never thought about the clone going away as a death, but he supposed it was, it was all just so confusing.

"It's like a total mind fuck." Pidge offered echoing his thoughts.

"Language, Pidge." Keith retorted.

Pidge snickered, "Okay, Black Paladin."

***

Lance showed up shortly before the scan was ready. He kept watching Keith like he was waiting for a lecture or something, but Keith didn't say a word to him. When the scan was ready they all gathered in the Black Lion. It was lucky she was the largest to accommodate them all. Allura set up at the head of the pod. She said she would use some of the Altean magic she had learned to try to enhance the scan. Hunk carried in the battery and Pidge and he along with Coran hooked it up. Romelle sat quietly, for once, in the corner observing. Krolia stood guard, seemingly ready in case Shiro decided to jump up and attack them. Keith and Lance stood on either side of the pod. Shiro was barely conscious.

"Okay, Shiro, we are going to start the scan. If you feel anything squeeze either Lance or Keith's hand and we will stop." Allura gestured for the two paladin's to hold Shiro's hands.  
Shiro nodded.

"Alright, Coran, begin the scan." A soft white glow encompassed the pod. Allura bowed her head and a pink glow spread from her hand into the white.

"Shiro?" Allura looked around the empty place she found herself in.

"I'm here." He was standing behind her.

"Oh, there you are, what is this place?"

"This is what it's like inside of the astral plane in Black." He answered.

"I thought there'd be more sky." She murmured.

"Allura, I need help. I can't beat him on my own, please." His knees seemed to weaken and he fell at her feet.

"Shiro?" She reached out for him.

"Allura, back away!" A sharp voice called and she turned to see another Shiro walking toward her. She stumbled back from them both as the one on the ground lunged for her.

"Oh so close," he mocked, "almost got that one, Shiro."

"Get away from her." The other Shiro advanced looking angry.

"Can't, she came here." The first Shiro wore all black and stood slowly cocking his head to one side. "Just give up and let me have this body, it's not much anymore anyway without the fancy arm."

"Shiro?" Allura turned to the second Shiro. He knelt by her.

"It's me. This is the thing I was telling you about." He glared at the other him.

"It's a parasite. It wants your body for it's own." Allura stated.

"Yes, I want his body." The parasite answered. "I was created with one purpose to destroy you and that is what I will do." It hissed at her.

"Shiro, you must be strong enough to reject it." Allura grabbed his hand and stood with him. "We must remove it from your body and destroy it."

"How? It killed Kuron and he was at full strength." Shiro asked. His astral plane self seemed worn.

"I don't think he was. I think this thing was wearing him down the whole time he was with us, we just didn't realize what was happening. By the time Kuron died, he was too weakened to stop it. As well, Kuron never seemed to be aware he was fighting here, he only controlled him by instinct."

"Aware or not, he is too weak to stop me." The parasite laughed. "I'm going to win. I'm going to destroy Voltron."

"Shiro, be strong, I will find a way to help you." Allura assured as she felt the scan fading and herself leaving the plane.

***

Allura stumbled back into Coran's arms. She felt drained from the encounter. Shiro moaned on the table. She turned and looked at those waiting for word on their loved one, she wished she had better news.

"It is a parasite of sorts. It exists as a separate consciousness inside of Shiro's mind. It is trying to weaken the connection Shiro has with this body, so that he can take control. We must stop this. If Shiro's consciousness loses control he will drift away and be lost to us." She took a deep breath and leaned against Coran, it had taken a lot out of her to control the scan and be in the plane at the same time.

"How can we help?" Keith asked.

"We need to strengthen Shiro's connection to this body." Allura answered. Coran guided her back to a bench were she could sit. "Shiro is rejecting Kuron's body, because his mind is having trouble allowing it to become his body. We need to help him bridge that gap. I believe if you were to share with him your memories of Kuron, that it would act as a patch holding him to this body."

"I'm not sure that is a good idea." Lance objected.

"He will die if we don't try!" Keith snarled across at Lance. There wasn't much he was more defensive of than Shiro.

"Keith, consider what the Red Paladin said. Don't jump in until we understand the risks." Krolia cautioned walking over and putting a hand on Keith's shoulder.

"Right," Lance nodded to Krolia thankful, he hadn't been trying to pick a fight. "I'm just saying they weren't all good memories, won't the bad ones make it worse."

"Try to focus on the positive memories, because yes they are easier to accept, but I do not think the bad ones will make it worse, I think any memory is better than none." Allura answered.

Lance muttered something along the lines of "I doubt it", but the rest of them were nodding along to Allura.

"So we just talk to him? Cause I can tell him some stories?" Hunk offered.

"I'm afraid it won't be that easy. Shiro is too weak for that now. You need to go to him, to the astral plane. I can guide you, but I am not strong enough to hold you there and be there myself, so I will not be in the plane with you." Allura's eyes were drifting shut.

"Allura, you must rest." Coran begged.

"I know." She signed. "I don't have the strength yet, but as soon as I do we must act quickly."

"While you are in this place, you will all be vulnerable?" Krolia asked.

Keith turned and handed his mom their blade, "That's why you are going to be standing guard."

"With me!" Romelle piped up.

Keith gave his mom a half apologetic smile, "...with Romelle."

"Don't forget me, I can be very handy in a sticky spot, why I remember the time I..."

"And Coran." Keith was trying very hard not to laugh at the look on Krolia's face as Coran's story continued and seemed to involve being glued to the side of a weblum.

Lance bowed his head and gave Shiro's hand a squeeze. His heart was racing and he felt dizzy. He probably wasn't breathing enough. He took a long shuddering breath and that seemed to help. He could do this, right? Just think positive thoughts, he was positive this was a bad idea.


	4. Chapter 4

They all took some time to give Shiro a pat or give his hand a squeeze before they left Black. He never regained consciousness. Coran carried Allura back to the Blue lion, she protested, but not much, just proving how much it had drained her. Lance and Keith were the last ones standing with Shiro.

"I'm sorry I snapped. I'm just afraid for him." Keith offered. He should have known Lance wasn't trying to back out of helping.

"Keith, I left him trapped in Black for over a year. I let his clone self die right in front of me. If there is anything I can do to fix this. I will do it." Lance quietly turned to leave.

Keith reached across Shiro and managed to brush his hand against Lance's arm, but not catch him, "Lance, that's not…"

"True? Every single word of it." Lance walked down the ramp and out into the light.

Keith felt cold. That wasn't right. So much of that wasn't right. Keith sat on the floor and leaned his head back against the pod. How did he go about fixing this?

"Shiro, I don't feel like a good leader. I need to make this okay for all of them and I don't even know where to begin."

"Patience yields focus." Shiro's voice whispered.

Keith hopped up and smiled down at the man who was for all intents and purposes his brother. "Hey."

"You have a plan?" He asked.

"Allura does, we are going to beat this thing." Keith gave his hand a squeeze.

"Okay." Shiro's eyes started to drift shut. "Good leaders don't have to feel like good leaders to be them."

"You were a good leader." Keith brushed the white hair back.

"Never felt that way." Shiro's head turned to the side and he closed his eyes, breaths evening into sleep.

Keith watched him sleep a little while longer and then headed out to be with the others. Patience yields focus. The way would make itself known, he just had to wait. His team was hurting. He knew it. So was Romelle, though she hid it very well under questions and smiles. He remembered the look on her face describing what had happened to her brother, what they knew had happened to all of those Alteans. He wondered if she had even let herself grieve for them yet.

He found his footsteps leading over to her side. She was sitting near the edge of the camp, quiet as she had been earlier.

"Romelle, are you okay?" He sat beside her.

"Hmm, oh yes, thank you for asking." She gave him a brilliantly fake smile.

"You just seem quiet?" He nudged.

"I don't like that thing." She waved toward Black.

"Black?" Keith asked frowning.

"Oh no, no I love Black and all of the other lions." This little smile was real. "No, the pod, I don't like the pod. It reminds me of that place." She shivered.

"Oh." That place with rows and rows of drained Alteans. He reached over and put one arm around her. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about that. This pod was made for healing and preserving life."

"I know, it just looks so much like the others." She frowned and nibbled at the end of a piece of hair. "Could I…" She stopped mid-sentence and looked away.

"Could you what?"

"Never mind, it's silly." She blushed and looked down.

"It's fine, what did you want?" Keith gave her an encouraging smile.

"Well, there are some lovely flowers in the forest I saw and I wondered if it would be okay, could I, put them on the pod? It just shouldn't look so bleak." She was staring toward Black and not looking back at Keith.

"I don't see why not." Keith smiled easily. That wasn't even a hard request to grant.

"Oh, you mean, it's okay." She turned and looked at him, her eyes wide and full of something he couldn't place.

"I think it would be nice, Romelle, thank you." He patted her shoulder as she scrambled up, nearly jumping to her feet.

"I just want to be able to help. I've felt so useless." Romelle grabbed a small crate that had held food earlier. She scrambled over to Hunk murmuring and soon he was grabbing another crate and joining her.

He smiled at Keith as they passed, "I'm going to help Romelle and maybe look for anything edible." He paused for a minute and let Romelle get out of ear shot. "Thanks for letting her do this. It really means a lot to her."

Keith shrugged, "It's fine. It's not going to hurt anything."

"No, but it does help." Hunk gave Keith's shoulder a firm squeeze with his hand before hurrying to catch up with Romelle.

***

Lance found Pidge sitting on the ground between Green's front paws. He nudged her over and leaned back against Green stretching his legs out in front of him and closing his eyes.

"Why are you tired? You slept through breakfast." Pidge dropped a biscuit on his stomach.

"Staid up too late." He picked up the biscuit and nibbled. "This is stale."

"That is two days old. If you were up this morning you could have had oatmeal and sausage. Now you get what I had stashed." She poked at her tablets again and signed.

"What's wrong, Pidgeypoo?"

"You calling me that, for one." She swatted his leg. "For two, I was just trying to figure out these readings from the scan we did of Shiro. I get what Allura's saying, I just wish there was a little more science and a little less magic behind this whole thing."

"Magic is just unexplained science." Lance smiled and watched her from the corner of his eye.

"Yes! That's right. There is an explanation, we just need to find it!" She muttered to herself and began typing in earnest.

Lance chuckled lightly and leaned his head back, the half eaten biscuit left on the ground beside him as he let his eyes drift shut and fell softly to sleep.

Pidge glanced over from the tablet and smiled. She pulled a blanket from behind her back and covered Lance. She might not have magic down to a science yet, but she was pretty good at getting Lance to nap.

***

Coran came back out of Blue, looking concerned. He marched straight over to Keith.

"I have given her a sedative." He bowed his head. "She doesn't know and will likely be a bit put out with me, but if she doesn't get enough time to recharge her quintessence you could all be trapped in Shiro's mind or killed. I know you all wish to hurry for his sake, and I do wish for him to be well also, but I had to be sure she would be ready." Coran stood in front of Keith like he was waiting.

"Okay, how long will she sleep?" Keith frowned.

"Approximately six varga." Coran looked down.

Keith suddenly got the impression Coran was waiting for a reprimand of some sorts. He almost laughed. He was not used to being in charge again. "Coran, I'm not going to yell at you. I'm sure Allura will take care of that, but if this is how long it takes to assure we have the best chance of completing the mission then, I am completely behind it. I would prefer to know ahead of time next time though."

"Of course," Coran's shoulders relaxed. "If I may say, you have changed, Number four."

"Have I?" Keith looked up, wondering what Coran saw.

"You just seem older." Coran sat next to him.

"I am older, it was two years for us." Keith laughed.

"Well, I guess, though not everyone matures when they age." Coran commented.

"No, I suppose not, but there wasn't much else to do when you are on the back of a giant space whale with your mom and a space wolf." Keith felt himself relaxing. He was older than he had been the first time he had taken on the mantel of the Black Paladin. His time with the Blades had given him experience and confidence. His time with his mom had taught him to open up again. After all there is no hiding when the space lights flash your life for everyone to see.

"Could you tell me about what it was like in the quantum abyss. I have travelled and seen much, but I have never been in such a place." Coran asked wistfully.

"Oh, sure Coran." Keith began telling Coran of their adventures and the creatures they saw. Cosmo joined him shortly after he began and before he was done Krolia had also joined and was adding her perspective to the story. It was nice to have someone listen, to ask. Keith realized he'd been hurt that the others had just seemed to accept it and move on without any questions or inquiries to his well being. He supposed it was just one more clue as to how overwhelmed the Paladins actually were.

***

After lunch they were all sitting around the fire. It was cool on this planet, no more than 18 degrees C, and the fire felt nice even mid day. Hunk had made them a sort of tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. It was comforting and warming and everyone seemed to enjoy it. Everyone, accept Allura was there, lounging quietly.

"I think we should all talk a bit before tonight, when Allura is ready to assist us to the astral plane. We've all been there at least some through the mind meld exercises at the castle. We will be going into the realm in Shiro's mind to help him fight this parasite. There are only the two of them in the body now. Allura confirmed that the quintessence or spirit of the clone of Shiro is gone. He died." Keith paused. Hunk had tears in his eyes, Pidge nodded, and Lance just looked lost.

"I know I was feeling guilty for not recognizing he was a clone, but Allura told me, the copy of Shiro would have been nearly perfect for Black to accept him and there was no reason to suspect that we could have known. The clone - Kuron - is what he was called, was very much like Shiro. Anything that was different was the result of the parasite. He didn't know about the parasite, it was just his basic goodness that kept it at bay for so long. He was a Black Paladin, just like Shiro and just like me, and as such I think we need to take the time to say goodbye to him. I know Black is mourning his loss." Keith sighed, he hadn't identified the feeling in Black right away, but over the last two days it had started to make sense to him. "I just feel like dealing with this first, before we help Shiro, will help us separate our feelings about the two of them. They were different people who just happened to have matching souls. It's okay to be sad and say goodbye to one, and still be working to save the other. Does anyone want to say anything?"

"He was brave and a good leader. He helped us through a really hard time." Hunk offered.

"He helped me get my Dad back. I looked up to him." Pidge pulled took her glasses off and pretended to clean them so no one would notice her tears.

"I admired his courage and leadership, he bonded with Black to save Voltron and that was noble." Coran sighed.

"He was my friend." Lance's voice was quiet. "He was broken and messed up, but he was my friend, and I let him down. I watched him die." Lance bowed his head and it was obvious his shoulders were shaking.

"No." Hunk moved over next to Lance and wrapped his arms around him. "This isn't your fault. Keith said he, Kuron, didn't even know about the parasite, how could you?"

"He told me he didn't feel like himself. It's just we thought, it was just the PTSD only worse and…" Lance sobbed into Hunk's shoulder. "He was going to tell you all. It was getting worse, and right before the whole thing with Lotor he had decided to tell everyone, but it was too late."

Hunk rubbed a hand between Lance's shoulders and held his head with the other. Lance cried and Hunk joined him. A little while later Pidge snuck over and curled up against Lance's side. They just sat together that way for a long time.


	5. Chapter 5

Allura only glared at Coran for a few dobashes after she woke. She knew she needed the rest and could feel her energy had returned to full. She was going to need it and she knew it. It was just she was so worried for Shiro. She couldn't bear to lose him again. Twice was too many times already. She relented her glare at his forlorn look and pulled in into a hug. Coran was the only constant in her life. When everything else had faded away he had remained. She didn't know what she would do without him. They didn't even have their home anymore.

"We must save him Coran." She whispered.

"You will." He promised.

"What would I do without you?" She smiled and pulled back.

He smiled and gave his mustache a twist, "You will never have to find out."

When they made their way into Black the others were already gathered. Allura startled at the sheer amounts of flowers surrounding the pod and around Shiro himself. Most of the flowers were white with a yellow center, there were a few that were bright orange with black spots, and a very few red with pink at the edges. Her expression must have shown her surprise as Romelle spoke up.

"I hope you don't mind. Keith said the pod was for healing and preserving life and when someone is ill on our colony we always bring them flowers and the pod just seemed so cold and metal and…"

Allura cut her off with a hug, "It is lovely Romelle, it is an old Altean tradition as well. Thank you."

"Paladin's if you will each find a place to sit comfortably around the pod we can begin." Allura sat at the head of the pod on a pallet that had been arranged so that she was level with Shiro. Keith and Lance sat on his right side and leaned back against the pod. Hunk and Pidge sat on the left and did the same. "Everyone close your eyes, concentrate on coming together, just as you would to form Voltron. I will guide you to Shiro, follow me. Follow my voice, concentrate."

Allura reached out and touched Shiro's forehead, her hands glowed pink, soon Keith's red quintessence was flowing up to her hands, followed by Lance's blue, Hunk's yellow and Pidge's green. The paladin's bodies relaxed as if in sleep, except Allura, she sat straight and still, her brow creased in concentration.

"This could take awhile. We need to monitor their vitals, if it goes too long we will have to attempt to keep them warm and hydrated." Coran instructed.  
"I can take the first watch?" Romelle offered.

"Alright, I will show you what to do." Coran smiled.

"I will be keeping watch on the camp," Krolia offered. A flash and a quiet sound and suddenly Cosmo was by her side. "With Cosmo apparently."

"Thank you Krolia. I suppose then it is up to me to prepare nourishment, perhaps a paladin surprise?" Coran smiled.

"Oh, I think it would be better if you rested Coran," Keith's memories had provided her with an image of that particular dish. "We can eat rations tonight. We will each have to sleep when possible to keep up our energy."

"I suppose you are right, Krolia."

***

Lance woke to find himself sitting on a black rock like surface. The sky overhead was filled with stars and nebulas and all forms of space. It was actually beautiful. He looked around Keith was not far from him and beginning to stir as well. As he waited Hunk and Pidge appeared.

"Shiro?" Keith called out.

Shiro appeared before them, he was wearing the Black Paladin armor, come to think they all had their armor on, which was weird because they had just been wearing regular clothes. He walked wearily, looking around him. He seemed thin, almost transparent. Lance wondered what he was looking for when he saw another Shiro approaching from a different angle, this one wore black and his hair was not completely white.

"Oh Shiro, so much control, just to make me look different than you? Isn't that a waste of what little energy you have left. And here are more of our friends for me to play with. I've missed you all." He sneered.

"Stay away from them." Shiro moved between them and the other, the parasite.

"I don't even have to touch them to hurt them Shiro, not here, not with why they've come." The parasite hissed. "They want you to connect to this body - to stitch you to it with Kuron's memories. I don't think they realize how hard that will be. I don't think they know that I can use the same memories to make you reject this body. Oh when you learn the things it has done your soul will flee from it into oblivion."

Suddenly Keith cried out and his hands flew to his face. All around them were the images of the fight between Keith and the clone body at the cloning facility. Shiro fell to his knees also in clear pain. Each blow, each strike seemed to hurt them both. At the last scene of the clone burning Keith's face, Pidge shouted.

"NO!" She dove forward and formed her bayard, driving it into the parasite. He shuddered with a jolt and she closed her eyes. "There were good memories, Shiro, that is from when this parasite was in control." And the image of Shiro and Keith falling faded and was replace with Matt, Matt smiling and hugging Kuron a reunion he had been seeking since he was taken away at the arena.

"Matt." Shiro's eyes filled with happy tears. "You found him."

"Yes." Pidge smiled and knelt next to Shiro. "He's working with the rebels, fighting the Galra." The parasite faded and they were left alone with Shiro.

"Keith are you okay?" Shiro walked over to Keith and helped him up.

"Yeah, the pain stopped as soon as the memory faded." Keith answered shakily his eyes wild.

"That's not what I meant. I'm so sorry you had to do that." Shiro hugged him close.

"It was the parasite." Lance offered. "Kuron was dead then. Allura said even the bad memories can connect you to this body Shiro. We just need to weaken the parasite. So we can get it out of you."

"Right, Pidge, how did you get your bayard?" Hunk asked.

"I just really, really wanted to hit that guy." Pidge answered smacking her fist into her hand.

"Do you think it was your bayard that drove him away?" Keith asked.

"No," Pidge pondered. "I took control from him. The bayard surprised him and made it easier, but it was me taking control of the memory that sent him away I think. I just had to concentrate really hard on the memory and it just appeared." She closed her eyes and an image of Kuron carrying Pidge to bed appeared. She was half awake and had her computer in her hands. He was laughing at her and telling her to stop typing because she wasn't even writing in English anymore.

"Guys, is it just me or is Shiro, like glowing a bit more?" Hunk asked.

"I think you are right, he seemed kind of hard to see when we got here, but now he looks more solid?" Keith reached out and touched Shiro. "He feels the same as he did before."

"Shiro, do you feel stronger?" Lance asked.

"Maybe? I just have felt so tired, weak." Shiro shrugged.

"Okay, can I try? Let's see if this helps?" Hunk asked and Pidge nodded. He closed his eyes and pictured the birthday party they had thrown for Kuron the last year. He had a little homemade party hat on that looked like a black lion, each of the rest of them had a colored lion hat as well. Allura wore hers as though it was a jeweled tiara. Lance had his over his face like a mask. Hunk brought out a black and white checkered cake and Kuron blew out the candles.

Shiro breathed deep. It wasn't his life, but in a way it was. It was the life he might have had if he hadn't been stuck in Black. The life he'd given up to protect his family. In a way he was grateful to Kuron for living it for him, for being there.

"Oh now, I definitely saw it that time he glowed for a bit." Pidge said excitedly. "I think it's working."

Keith showed Kuron wishing him the best when he left for the Blades. "It was kind of bittersweet, but it meant a lot that he didn't stop me from doing what I felt I needed to do."

Shiro smiled sadly, he's not sure he could have let Keith go, but somehow it lead him to his mom and worked out okay.

"Lance give it a shot." Keith offered.

Lance looked nervous, but closed his eyes and concentrated. An image of Kuron and Lance fighting with swords on the training deck appeared. Lance was wielding a sword formed from his bayard.

"When did you get that?" Keith asked.

"A while ago, Allura said it was an Altean broadsword." Lance smiled as Kuron complimented him on this technique and improvement.

"You've come a long way in a short time Lance." Kuron smiled. "I'm really impressed."

"Thanks," Lance blushed faintly. "I don't think I'll give up my gun just yet."

Kuron was laughing when another laugh overlapped, something more sinister as the parasite reappeared.

"Lance, Lance, Lance, you have to show it all." He grinned and the pictures darkened. Kuron cried out as if in pain and knelt down on the ground in the memory. Shiro grabbed his head and also fell.

The memory Lance moved up to Kuron. "Shiro?" he asked quietly concerned. Kuron looked up at him, but his face was contorted in anger. He backhanded Lance with the Galra arm and sent him flying backwards onto the mat. Lance's nose started bleeding in the memory.

Now Lance also felt blood start to drip from his nose. He concentrated on the memory though, if the parasite was going to show that much he needed to show the rest, he felt himself gain control of the memory, and the parasite faded again.

Kuron grabbed his head again and then looked confused. He rushed over to the memory Lance, "What happened?"

"You hit me in the nose, that's what!" Lance backed away when Kuron reached for him.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I…I don't remember. I blacked out and I don't remember hitting you. I'm sorry, let's get Coran to look at it." Kuran reached out to help him up.

Lance shook his head, "It's fine. It's just a bloody nose, I'm fine. Was it a flashback? I mean you used to get those sometimes?"

"I don't know. It's just blank I have no memory of what happened." Kuron looked so lost and dejected.

Lance put his arm around his shoulder, "I guess we'll just have to figure it out, right? I mean if it's like the flashbacks from before, then it will get better."

Kuran took a deep breath and nodded, "Yeah, you're right, it's probably PTSD. Sometimes I wish we had a shrink on this castle with us."

Memory Lance laughed, "Sure, but we'd probably make them crazy."

The memory faded and Lance had blood on his face, but his nose had stopped hurting. Shiro was staring at him and so was everyone else.

"What?" He asked in what might have been a bit of a whiney tone.

"When did that happen?" Hunk asked, looking worried.

"Um, It was after he was the Black Paladin again and before Matt got back." Lance answered after thinking for a bit.

"Did that happen often?" Shiro asked quietly.

Lance cringed, he wasn't sure he had helped Shiro with that memory, "It wasn't you, it wasn't even Kuron, he couldn't help it." Lance was sure the team inferred an answer from his lack of answer.

"Are you okay?" Shiro tried again.

"Are any of us?" Lance asked evasively. "Where did that parasite go this time?"

"He faded, when you showed Kuron's concern, Shiro glowed again and the parasite faded away again." Pidge answered walking over to him and checking his nose. "I wish you had told us."

"I know, looking back, I know that I should have, but then in that moment…I thought I was protecting him." Lance hung his head.

"No one is blaming you for this." Keith snapped. "No way." Lance gave him a grateful look.

"Is anyone else concerned about the fact that Lance, Keith, and Shiro have all been experiencing the pain from these memories? I just wonder why that's happening?" Hunk asked concerned.

"I think it's the parasite's doing. He wants us to stop sharing memories, so he is giving us the physical feelings from them to try to get us to quit. But at least it seems to go away as soon as the memory is done." Pidge answered.

"Just curious, but they seem to be only his shared memories where that is working right? I mean he shouldn't be able just to pick stuff out of our heads and make us relive it right?" Lance asked eyes wide.

"I don't know." Pidge answered. "I don't have enough data, yet."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it just me or did they make Romelle a real throw away character on the show? It was thanks for moving the plot and now we don't really need you.

"How are they?" Krolia asked as she stepped into Black to take over for Romelle.

"Still not moving much, I think Allura frowned a little more about a varga ago. I managed to get a hydration pouch into each of them, except for that unfortunate first one that I burst on Allura, the rest went fine. Just thought you'd want to know why she was covered in towels." Romelle offered.

Allura was in fact sitting where she had last seen here, but know had a layer of towels swathed about her from neck to toe. Krolia raised one eyebrow but did not comment further on it.

"Am I to take watch?" Romelle asked bouncing on her toes.

"No, sleep. Coran and I decided the person freshly awakened should take watch. Since he just got up, he is taking this shift." Krolia explained as she walked around checking each Paladin.

"Well, okay then, I guess I'm off." Romelle turned to go shoulders slumped.

"Romelle?" Romelle paused on the ramp when Krolia said her name. "You could sleep in my bunk in Black. If you wanted? Then you would be close if I needed help?"

"Oh!" Romelle turned hands clasped. "I could do that, absolutely." She made her way back into Black with a lighter step.

"Don't forget rations and a hydration pack for yourself before you sleep." Krolia reminded. The Altean girl seemed so very young next to the rest of them.

***

Keith closed his eyes and concentrated on the memory. Black was calling to him, telling him they had to go, there was an emergency. He had run to her and they were moving through space, her urgency clear in the memory, until at last they came to Kuron's vessel. He showed them caring for Kuron, he showed their joy and tears at finding him. He showed Kuron's joy at returning to what he believed to be his home and family.

As the memory faded on Kuron in a clean uniform with a new haircut, he looked over at Shiro. His brother had a sort of sad little smile on his face.

"What is it Shiro?" He asked.

"It's weird, it feels good to know you were missed?" He offered.

Keith smiled and put an arm around his shoulders.

Pidge shared the memory of how Kuron bonded with Black and saved them. There were some painful moments for her, Hunk, and Lance as the battle had been going poorly until Black swooped in to join The memory was fading on the image of Voltron when the parasite returned. He stepped into view slow clapping mockingly.

"Oh bravo, Kuron saved the day, Voltron to the rescue." His dark eyes flashed and the memory switched to Voltron trying to stop Lotor and his Generals from stealing the piece of the teludav - of the argument between Keith and Kuron. "Oh and here is Kuron, undermining the Black Paladin, taking away his role as leader."

Keith snarled and his bayard formed into a sword, he swung at the parasite, but it sidestepped and formed his Galra arm. "Not nice, Keith. After all if I hadn't pushed you away, you would never have found mommy dearest."

The two exchanged blows back and forth. It was clear the parasite had Shiro's skill. Keith was not winning. A blast hit the Galra arm and the parasite turned to glare at Lance, who had formed his bayard and the sniper rifle.

"Oh Lance, feeling left out again?" They were pulled into another memory. This one appeared to be in the hall outside of Keith's old room.

"It's my fault he left Shiro. I shouldn't have said anything to him." Lance hung his head looking dejected.

"You're right. You shouldn't have. You made him leave this is your fault." Kuron snarled.

"I…" Lance looked up stunned, tears in his eyes.

"You should have been the one to step down not him. He should be piloting Red right now, not you. You're just a second rate paladin, a fill in when the real one can't be there. Keith is now out there with the Blade, facing who knows what without his team, without us. How are you going to feel when the report comes in that he's dead? It will be your fault!" Kuron slammed his Galra fist into the wall next to Lance's head and he flinched away. He turned and stalked away down the hall and Lance fell on his knees arms wrapped around himself crying.

"STOP IT" Hunk blasted the parasite with his bayard cannon style and concentrated on a memory. The scene showed Lance in his Red Paladin armor standing next to Kuron. They appeared to be at a ceremony of some sort. Kuron was stepping up to the stage and addressing the crowd.

"I just want to thank you all for this beautiful ceremony. We are honored to be presented with this award from your people. I am especially pleased that you have chosen to present the Red Paladin with this medallion for bravery and are allowing me to bestow it on him." Kuron walked over to Lance, who looked a little shocked. "Lance, you are presented the Medal of Mytex by the people of Hyterra. It is awarded to those who show bravery above and beyond that of even their fellow heroes. You threw yourself into the line of fire to save two small children. You have shown that you value all life and are willing to give your own to save another. I am proud to call you the right hand of Voltron." Lance blushed and bowed his head as Kuron slipped the medal on.

The memory faded and the parasite was gone.

"Thank you, Hunk." Shiro walked over to where Lance was sitting. Keith was already there next to him talking to him.

"I decided to go for me. It wasn't because of what you said." He was saying. Lance had tears running down his face and seemed shaken.

"It doesn't make it less true. You were better with Red than me. I should have been the one to step down." Lance spoke quietly.

"No! Listen to me, please. I couldn't go back to Red, and you were a great Red Paladin, you don't give yourself enough credit. It worked out how it should have. You didn't do anything wrong and you deserved to be the Red Paladin. It was right!" Keith was adamant with Lance.

"Lance, the parasite wanted Keith to leave, it's true he's said that, but that isn't all he was trying to do. He was also targeting you. He wanted you to feel like you weren't as good. He wanted to tear down your confidence. He wanted to drive you away or kill you. It was his goal to destroy Voltron." Shiro spoke calmly and laid his hand on Lance's arm.

Lance looked up, "But why me? Because I'm weak." He shook his head and looked away.

"No, that's not it, Lance, think about it. If Shiro and I were both gone, who would lead Voltron?" Keith asked as a sudden insight came to him.

"Allura." Lance answered easily.

"No, no she wouldn't." Shiro answered. "If she was meant to be the leader of Voltron, then she would be already. It isn't her role to fill. No you would be the next Black Paladin."

"What?" Lance shook his head in denial.

"He's right Lance." Pidge spoke up, "Who do you think Hunk and I would follow?" She gave him a timid smile. "You were already our captain once."

"I'd follow you anywhere, hermano." Hunk sat down in their little circle.

"Thanks, guys." Lance closed his eyes and concentrated. "Let's focus on helping Shiro though."

The memory that appeared this time was in the common room in the castle. Kuron was sitting on one end of the couch. Hunk was on the opposite. Lance was laying across the two of them barely awake and Pidge was curled up next to him already asleep. There was music playing in the background. Coran was sitting in one of the chairs across from them and Allura was curled into a ball on the other chair, snoring softly. Kuron ran his hand through Lance's hair. Hunk started humming along to the music. Coran was tapping his foot on the floor. There weren't any words spoken, it was just them together, content.

***

Krolia wiped the tears from Lance's face. She didn't know what had caused them, but she found a soft cloth and gently wiped them away. She had checked each of them. She was concerned by Shiro and Keith's increased heart rates, when she checked them, but they seemed to have slowed. Lance's tears were the only other clue she had for what was going on inside Shiro's head.

Allura was looking more tired. She was worried about how long the Princess could maintain the connection. What would happen if she had to take a break, would they lose Shiro? The alarm she had set sounded. She leaned down to kiss Keith on the forehead. She had missed so much of his life, seeing it in pictures helped, but it didn't take away the loss. She was robbed of raising her child. She should have been allowed to rock him to sleep, to hold him close when he was afraid, to kiss away every hurt. It should have been hers and this war had taken it from her. It had been her mission for all of the years since she had left Keith to do everything in her power to stop that from happening to another mother.

She walked back to her bunk and woke Romelle for her shift standing guard. She reminded the girl to just press the communicator if any trouble showed up. She was a very light sleeper and would be there to help her quickly. Romelle seemed both nervous and excited. Krolia wondered if she had ever been that young and naïve.

Romelle gathered up her communicator and grabbed a hydration pouch and a small bag of what Hunk had called Trail Mix. He told her it was best to eat outside, so she thought this would be the perfect opportunity. She took a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face as she walked out of Black. She could do this, one more day, one more adventure, one more opportunity to learn and grow. One more day without her family, one more day away from the home she never wanted to leave, she wiped tears away in frustration.

"None of that now, Romelle," she told herself. "Chin up, Alteans are hardy folk."

"That they are." Coran said as he dropped down from a nearby tree.

Romelle blushed, embarrassed at being caught talking to herself.

"You know even hardy folk need a chance to grieve, young one. Didn't the Paladin's show you that yesterday?" Coran asked.

"Oh, Coran!" Romelle threw herself into his arms and cried. She cried for her parents and her brother, for all her people who had been killed and for those still living lies. Coran patted her hair and made soft shushing sounds and eventually she had cried herself out.

"I'm sorry. I've gotten you all wet." She brushed at his outfit where the shoulder was nearly soaked.

"Not the first time and not the last, my dear." Coran gave her a tight squeeze. "This old shoulder has been cried on many times, it's been proven to be quite therapeutic." He smiled down at her. "I remember another young woman crying on my shoulder, you remind me very much of her when she was younger."

"Who?" Romelle asked.

"Princess Allura," Coran gave her hand a squeeze when she blushed again. "Now, where did that wolf go…Cosmo!" Cosmo blinked in next to them.

"Thank you for standing watch with me, Cosmo." Coran bowed politely. "The Lady Romelle is now taking over watch, would you be so kind as to continue your watch with her? She is new to this sort of thing, so if you could stick close I would appreciate it." Cosmo cocked his head to the side watching Coran talk and then moved to push his head against Romelle's hand. "Very good." Coran smiled and gave Romelle one more hug before heading off to Black to check on the others.

Coran stepped into Black, his eyes running over each Paladin carefully and then landing on the Princess. She wore a frown, but otherwise seemed to be okay.

"Thank you for waiting for me." Coran smiled at Krolia, aware that he was a little later for the shift change due to his conversation with Romelle. Krolia leaned against the wall, from where she had a good view of the entire room.

"All quiet out there?" She asked, shrugging off his thank you.

"Not a peep from a Bagto Toad." Coran answered. "Sleep well. I will wake you if anything changes."

"Thank you." Krolia nodded. She knew the last part was just for her. It didn't have to be said, but it comforted her nonetheless.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pidge says some bad words...

Images of Shiro the Hero filled the sky. Pidge and Hunk were taking turns, showing bits of the show, showing Kuron's groans at all of Coran's crazy suggestions. Keith was smiling and leaning back. Shiro was smiling and relaxing and glowing. This was working well. It was clear he was getting stronger and no one was cringing in pain at these memories. He looked around. Pidge and Hunk were actually laughing. The current memory had Kuron frowning as a group of young woman swarmed around him begging for autographs. His gaze shifted further over to where Lance was sitting back from the group a little. He'd thought this might have brought him back closer or at least cheered him up, but if anything he looked worse. He looked completely freaked out.

"Lance?" Keith walked over and sat next to him.

"Oh, hey, Keith." Lance waved an arm that was visibly shaking. He took a deep breath and gave Keith the fake smile he hated.

"Can I sit with you?" Keith asked.

"Sure, not my brain, sit where you want." Lance was pale and just seemed wrong.

Keith leaned his shoulder into Lance's and could feel him shaking. Now wasn't the time to press, he knew what it was like to have your memories spread across the sky, even the ones you didn't want to share. But when they got out of here, when Shiro was safe, and when that parasite was taken care of - he was going to make sure Lance was really okay and not just faking it.

The memory currently playing had Lance doing some sort of acrobatic tricks suspended mid air. There was a lot of catcalling and screaming in the background. The show was that Kuron and the others were captured and Lance was coming in as the sniper to save them. It was playing really well to the crowd. Keith couldn't help but laugh at Allura playing him. Next to him Lance had gone still, there were tears running down his checks. Keith wasn't laughing anymore. He went to put an arm around Lance, but he flinched away. Keith dropped his arm shocked. He'd never had Lance turn down a hug or any kind of contact before.

Lance gave him a weak grin and looked away. Keith felt more fear building in his heart. It might take longer than he thought to get Lance back to okay.

The memories transitioned to meetings and alliances, new planets and faces. Lance joined back in the sharing. Keith showed video conversations he'd had with Kuron as well.

The current memory was from Hunk, they were on a planet that had yellow trees. The native people were like salamander lizards walking on two legs, about four feet tall. Kuron was sitting with Allura and Lance was sitting on the ground off to the right. There were five or six smaller lizards, maybe children crawling all over him. Apparently they had the ability to climb like lizards because one was stuck to his back, one was on his head, two were on his arms which he had up in the air and two were making laps around his middle tickling him. He was laughing.

"Aw look at the kiddies!" The parasite appeared behind Lance and Keith, they both scrambled back away from him. "I remember this trip, they had that great training center, didn't they Lance?"

The memory scene shifted. All five paladins were training in a stadium. There were different levels of platforms, they were connected with ropes and pulleys and narrow beams. It was like a giant jungle gym that went thirty feet into the air. They were equipped with guns and vests, like laser tag. The play went on and on and Keith was beginning to wonder why the parasite was choosing to share this memory, because it didn't seem bad. There was a mild jolt when someone was hit, but nothing horrible. The game seemed to be three hits and you were out. A group of the lizard people had gathered and were cheering them on. Kuron eliminated Allura and it was down to just Lance and Kuron. Lance tied a rope to his feet and dove off one of the platforms, catching Kuron unaware and winning the game. He came up smiling, standing with one foot in the rope.

The parasite was clapping and Lance was cringing. The memory shifted to night. Lance was sitting on one of the midlevel platforms with Kuron. Suddenly Kuron grabbed his head and screamed. Shiro also grabbed his head and fell.

The memory Lance backed away, it was clear he knew what to expect at this point. Kuron stood and turned to Lance.

"What the Hell was that?! You think you can make me look bad in front of our allies? You think it's okay to try to undermine my authority?" Kuron kicked Lance hard in the side as he was trying to stand and then slammed into his back with the Galran arm. "Who do you think you are? You think you can be the leader? What? You think you are worthy of being the Black Paladin? Hell you not even good as the Red Paladin. You're just the extra that got brought along for the ride!" He punctuated each sentence with another kick to Lance's gut. Lance was coughing, there was blood on his lips. "We don't need you!" He kicked hard and sent Lance flying off the side of the platform, he banged into two more platforms before landing on the ground. Their Lance screamed and fell back writhing in pain.

The parasite moved back as both Hunk and Pidge tried to hit him with their bayards, "Hurts, huh?" He laughed, "Hard to concentrate like that?"

Lance spit blood from his mouth, he couldn't breath. Shiro came down behind him and lifted him up to a reclined position. Keith was running at the parasite screaming sword swinging.

"Lance, stay with me buddy." He leaned Lance against his chest.

"Shiro…need to concentrate." He breathed blood. The memory was fixed on him laying on the ground alone, bleeding, dying. Lance closed his eyes and frowned.

The memory began to roll forward. Kuron was kneeling next to memory Lance.

"Lance!" He reached out and checked his pulse. "What happened?"

"Fell." He choked out.

"Okay, just hold on. Try to be still, I'm going to get you back to the castle." Kuron gently picked him up. He was calling for help on the com. Asking Coran for a pod to be ready.

"It's going to be okay. Lance, look at me, it's going to be okay." Memory Lance didn't look at him. He closed his eyes and tears streamed down his cheeks. "Okay kid. Okay, almost there."

The memory faded with Lance going into the pod. The parasite was gone again.

***

Coran held his fingers against Lance's throat. His pulse was erratic and his breathing was coming in gasps. He was afraid, but he didn't know what to do. As long as he was breathing and his heart was beating, it was best he stayed in the astral plane. Trying to remove him would risk losing his mind there forever. Finally, his body relaxed and returned to normal breathing and heart rate. He was pale. Coran brought a hydration pack over and got it into him. This was going too long. He didn't know what was going on in there, but it was taking too long from this side. He'd already had to make accommodations for the fact that they were putting water down their throats, the liquid obviously had to come out as well. Thankfully the body suits from the cryopods were equipped to deal with that sort of waste disposal and he had already decided to wrestle them into the suits at the beginning of his shift.

Allura was also fading. Her skin was getting pale and a fine sheen of sweat had developed on her face. Coran had wiped her face with a wet cloth, and gotten her to drink a hydration pack. He was considering adding vein valves with nutrients. He hated to do something so invasive when he wasn't sure how much longer they would be, but he couldn't let them be weakened. He prepared all of the materials he would need. When the shift changed he would ask the others and they would decide together.

Krolia had already wandered in several times during his shift. It was clear she was not sleeping well, so he was not surprised when she showed up ten dobashes early.

"Coran." She greeted. She'd questioned the change in clothing earlier, but when he explained she had only commented that she would have helped him. He'd smiled and told her it wasn't the first time he'd wrestled them into the suits and he was quite unfortunately proficient at it. "Any change?"

"Lance had a spell a few moments ago, increased heart rate and difficulty breathing, but it passed. I am leaning toward starting vein valves. I think we should provide them nutrition. It was been an entire quintant." Coran signed. "I just wish we knew what was going on in there."

"I'll get Romelle, we can help with the vein valves." Krolia strolled out to fetch Romelle.

***

"Lance?" Shiro asked as Lance sat up and wiped the blood from his mouth.

"I'm okay." He took a deep breath to clear his mind. "I'm okay." He repeated, whether it was to himself or to Shiro he wasn't sure.

"When did that? How did I not? What the fuck!" Pidge rounded on Lance.

"I asked them not to tell you. I told them it was embarrassing because I fell." Lance stated flatly no emotion in his voice whatsoever.

"Why?" Hunk had tears in his eyes as he kneeled down in front of him.

"I don't know. I just didn't know how to tell you at that point." Lance sighed and wrapped his arms around himself. "I wasn't sure you'd believe me." The last part was a whisper.

"Why wouldn't I?" Hunk asked.

"He just kept saying things like that over and over. I guess it started to seem real, like maybe I should be stronger, should be able to deal with it on my own." Lance answered still looking down.

"You felt like it was your fault." Keith stated. It wasn't a question.

Lance looked up into his eyes and found nothing but understanding and empathy, "Yeah. I did. I thought you'd be better able to handle the issues he was having. I thought you'd handled his PTSD before and I should be able to, but I just wasn't as good." Lance took another deep breath. "I'm okay."

"No, you're not." Keith answered.

"No, I'm not, but we need to focus on what we are doing now. I had a lot more trouble pulling the memory from him. He felt stronger." Lance gave himself a shake and sounded more himself.

"I couldn't get it away from him either. And don't think we aren't talking about this more later." Pidge added narrowing her eyes at Lance for the last part.

"Shiro, how do you feel?" Keith asked.

"I feel stronger. A lot stronger than I did before." Shiro did seem stronger, more vibrant.

"Then why isn't this working, Shiro's getting stronger, but the parasite isn't getting weaker." Hunk pondered.

"That's it." Pidge smacked her head. "It's a parasite feeding off Shiro. When we make him stronger it's still feeding off of him."

"Gold star for the genius!" The parasite was standing behind them. "You make him stronger; you make me stronger." He laughed. "You know, I'm still only a parasite, he's still stronger than me, but what if I gave him something else to use his energy on?"

"What?" Keith growled sword at the ready.

"Well, if you can't get the memory back from me, then you stay in pain, right Lance?" Lance glared at the parasite.

"So, Pidge, do you remember this?" The memory flashed up in front of them. It was Pidge and Kuron fighting back to back on a Galra ship. A Galra soldiers swung a club and smashed it into Pidge's knee. She went down screaming. The scream echoed as the parasite laughed and disappeared.

Pidge was lying on the ground clutching her leg, tears pouring out of her eyes. "FUCK!" she shouted through gritted teeth.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - OFF SCREEN - RAPE/NON-CON - Completely off screen no details, nothing graphic at all, but I want to be sure to cover with warnings to be safe.

Pidge!" Shiro rushed to her side.

"Why isn't she getting better?" Hunk grabbed her hand and held tight.

"It's like he said. I can't take the memory away from him because he left." Pidge gritted out.

"What if I remember you being healed?" Hunk closed his eyes and concentrated on his memory of Pidge in the healing pod and Pidge falling out into Kuron's arms fully healed.

"Nope. Shit." Pidge took another deep breath the pain was making her nauseous.

"He said something about giving you something to use your energy on Shiro, can you heal her? I mean this is your mind, right?" Lance suggested quietly.

"I can try." Shiro closed his eyes and put his hands lightly on Pidge's leg. It glowed briefly and she sagged back in relief.

"Oh, it worked. Thank you." Pidge wiped her tears and leaned onto Hunk's shoulder. She moved her leg tentatively and smiled when there was no pain.

"This isn't good. He's going to keep this up to wear down Shiro." Hunk said as he stood.

"You are so right, Yellow Paladin. Do you remember this one?" A forest sprung up around them and angry squealing could be heard in the distance. Hunk ran through the scene followed by Kuron.

"Run faster, Hunk!" Kuron yelled slashing at a tree to drop something in the path behind them.

"Running, fast, yes." Hunk was moving at top speed. So he didn't really see the angry boar the size of a grizzly bear that had circled ahead to cut them off. The creature charged at him and drove his tusk into Hunk's side. Then shook him about and threw him into a tree.

The parasite laughed again as he left.

Hunk stood gasping for a moment before falling to his knees clutching his side. Blood was pouring from a wound they couldn't see.

Lance ran to him and caught him before he fell. Shiro was right behind him, with his hands out and ready. The glow was brighter and took longer and when he was done Shiro was noticeably dimmed.

***

"I'm sorry to wake you, but well, it didn't seem like a good sign. He's been getting stronger the entire time and then all of the sudden, worse." Romelle was chewing on her hair as Coran checked over the Black Paladin.

"And you said both Number Five and Number Two had an episode of difficulty breathing and rapid heart rate?" Coran asked with a frown.

"Actually Hunk's heart rate got really slow for a bit, it was scary. That was right before Shiro's vitals dropped again." Romelle absently stroked Hunk's hair.

"Well, his vitals have stabilized at this level and it is not overly low, we will hope that it does not drop further." Coran patted her on the shoulder. "Please, wake me if it happens again. It is no trouble."

"Okay, Coran." Romelle resumed her seat next to Allura watching them all.

***

"Cosmo?" Krolia was absently petting the sleeping wolf when he startled awake. She narrowed her eyes and looked into the trees around camp. It was quiet. It hadn't been that quiet since they got here. She crept forward into the forest with Cosmo by her side, alert to any danger.

She was about 100 meters from the camp when the predators attacked. It was a small pack of about 10. She activated her Blade and screamed at them, remembering that noise had driven them off before. They were shaped similar to dogs, but their front legs were longer than their hind legs. They had a ruffed collar of fur in black and the rest of their bodies were red. They had fangs and red eyes. Krolia slashed one with her blade dropping it. The others huffed in a strange empty sounding bark and fell upon the dead one, dragging it away.

"Well, that's not good." Krolia cleaned her blade and walked back to camp. She spent the rest of her watch setting lights around the edge of camp, hoping to deter them from coming closer.

***

The next time the parasite appeared they were ready to pounce on him. Lance and Hunk fired and Pidge, Keith and Shiro moved to surround him and attack. Unfortunately he simply blinked out of their circle and by the time they turned the memory was already playing and he blinked around from place to place as it played out before them.

It was a club from a planet called Pretosh. They had visited right after their tour had ended with the Voltron show. They had gone out to celebrate their success and freedom from the crazy performances. Allura had decided to stay at the castle as negotiations had not been going well and she was going to be working on some diplomatic research or had decided they should all dress up that night like some old movie with a lot of dancing and bad music that she liked. They wore brightly colored bell bottom pants and bold patterned loosely fitting shirts. the boys' shirts were cut very low, but Pidge had pinned hers up. Lance had found big gold chains for each of them to wear and Hunk had made Pidge and Lance their own headbands. They looked ridiculous, but it was so much fun they didn't care. Pidge, Hunk, and Lance were dancing in the middle of the dance floor. There was music playing and lights blinking.

Now Lance dropped his bayard and stood frozen to the spot. He whispered, "No."

Kuron was leaning against the bar watching them and smiling. He had a drink in his hand. He laughed when Hunk picked Lance up and spun him around in the air. Lance did a back flip down from Hunk's shoulders and the crowd cheered. They were having fun. The scene darkened and Kuron grabbed his head.  
Shiro feel to his knees holding his head, crying out in pain.

When Kuron looked up again his face was contorted with a snarl. He glared at the paladins on the dance floor. He turned and ordered another drink and then moved down the bar. He was talking with one of the government officials they had met with earlier.

"Torchbearer Urgza, it's nice to see you here." Kuron sat next to him at the bar. The native in question was about the same height as Shiro, but a bit heavier, especially around the middle. He had soft green fur and sharply pointed ears at the top of his head. His face had a snout like a pig and he had black tusks and horns. The garment he wore was made of a rich brown velvet. He had a high standing on the planet and had spoken against an alliance with Voltron.

"Paladin Shiro." The man greeted absently, he was staring at the three on the dance floor. "What use is an alliance with such as these?" He spat on the ground and turned with a sneer to Kuron. "Too weak and soft for battle." He continued with a lewd leer, "Loverboy, isn't that what they called him? Built for something more pleasurable, I suppose."

Kuron laughed and patted the pig on the back, "I would have to agree with you on that, at least partly."

Urgza's eyes narrowed and he leaned in closer to Kuron, "What do you mean?"

"I wouldn't think of discussing such things with someone who was not an ally." Kuron leaned back to the bar, turning his back on the paladins and picking up his drink.

"And if I were an ally?" The wheedling voice asked.

"Well, allies should have certain privileges - benefits if you will." Kuron waved his hand vaguely. "For instance I do believe Loverboy Lance there is free tonight."

Urgza turned back to stare at the dance floor, his eyes drinking in the sight. "And for the promise of my vote tomorrow?"

"What is it that you want?" Kuron asked.

Urgza turned sharply, he thought he'd been pretty clear about what he wanted, but the hard look on Kuron's face said he was going to make him say it. "I want him for a party with a few of my friends."

"You'd have to bring them here, I'm not letting you take him anywhere." Kuron countered.

"Fine, here, there are rooms down the hall. I can secure one. Can you deliver him?" Urgza was practically drooling.

"Can you deliver the vote?" Kuron smiled coldly.

"Done."

"I'll have him to you in two varga." Kuron reached out and shook hands with the pig.

"FUCKING HELL SOMEONE THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE!" Pidge screamed as she tried to hit the parasite again with her bayard. Keith swung the sword as the parasite appeared behind him. Hunk blasted again and missed.

The memory skipped forward and Lance, Pidge, and Hunk were sitting next to Kuron at the bar, they had all ordered some sort of fruity drink with weird little sparkler decorations stuck in them. They weren't particularly strong and had simply left them giggling. A song came on that they all liked and they went back out to dance. Kuron was left sitting with the drinks and dumped a packet of something into Lance's drink.

Another time skip brought them to the crowd thinning out. Pidge and Hunk were going back to the castle. Lance had volunteered to stay with Kuron. He was drinking his drink and chatting with him about the day. It was clear he was unaware of anything wrong.

"Hunk, behind you!" Hunk turned and fired but missed and the parasite struck at him with the Galra arm that he somehow still had here. Hunk grabbed his own arm and cried out in pain.

"When did he learn how to do that?!" Pidge barely dodged a hit as him came up behind her. Keith deflected a second blow aimed at her with his sword.

Lance was sitting on the ground now, his knees pulled up to his chest and his eyes squeezed shut with his face pressed down. Shiro was still holding his head and groaning in pain.

Memory Lance was staggering. Kuron had slipped an arm around him and led him down the hall to a room.

"You can sleep in here." He laid him down on a bed and turned to leave. "Goodnight." He whispered in a chilling voice. In the hall Urgza and three of his buddies were waiting.

"You will have my vote tomorrow." Urgza pushed past Kuron into the room eagerly. "And as many others as I can persuade."

"No permanent damage." Kuron cautioned holding up his Galra arm which glowed purple. "I'll be in the hall."

The door swished shut. There was a startled shout from Lance and then the muffled sound of a struggle. Kuron leaned back against the wall and smiled in a sick sadistic way. Soon other sounds came from the room, but Kuron just stood there waiting.

Hunk had thrown up. Lance was curled in a fetal position on the ground. Pidge was crying, but still doing her damnedest to hit the mother fucker. Keith was wide eyed and swinging like a berserker in full rage. He finally caught the parasite in a back swing. It was enough to startle him and Pidge was able to get a solid hit with her bayard. He cried out in pain and disappeared.

For a tick or two there was no sound, Shiro crawled over to Lance, afraid to touch him.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"I…I didn't know…I didn't know he'd done that." Lance's breath came in short gasps.

Hunk laid on the ground in Lance's line of sight, but not touching him, "Hey, what hurts?"

"They broke my back. I can't feel much." Lance had tears streaming down his face and his breath was coming in short little gasps.

"Okay, Shiro's going to touch your back to heal you, is that okay?" Hunk asked.

Lance reached out his hand and put it on top of Hunks. Hunk gave him a little squeeze and Lance nodded.

Shiro placed his hands on Lance's back and began concentrating. There was a bright glow and Shiro slumped backwards. Lance pulled his legs in closer, curling up tighter.

***

"Coran!" Romelle yelled as Shiro's vitals dropped again. Lance's had been barely registering and the others had heart rates that were way too high. It was no doubt something bad was happening where they were.

The man in question rushed in. He took readings and checked each paladin and Shiro. He tried to remain calm and some the vitals were settling down.

"I need to take a reading." Coran pulled out a scanner and ran it over each Paladin and Shiro. "This is not good." He went to Allura. "Not good at all." He frowned and twirled his moustache.

"What Coran?!" Romelle finally asked in frustration.

"Oh, sorry." He looked up at her apologetically. "All of their vitals are stabilized, however the Princess and the other Paladins are all showing greatly decreased levels of quintessence. Allura's is particularly low. Shiro's is improved from when we began, but lower than it was." Allura's body was starting to shake, combined with the sweating and the paleness, Coran was worried.

"Is there anything we can do to, I don't know re-charge them?" Romelle asked, thinking of the battery that had been made and charged.

"Re…hmm…" Coran twirled his moustache some more, really it was a wonder the poor thing didn't fall out. "I think you are on to something Romelle. It could be dangerous, though." He looked over at her.

"I'm not afraid Coran, I want to help." She met his eyes evenly.

"Good." He gave her a smile. "I think you can give at least Allura a power boost, by lending her some of your quintessence to help hold the bond."

"I'm not an alchemist, like Allura, there is a reason Lotor didn't take me." She frowned and looked away.

"Neither am, I child, but this is something I learned to do to help King Alfor. First, if you could I need you to slip into one of the pod suits and be sure to have a hydration pack and a nutrition bar." Coran gathered supplies while Romelle changed.

"Alright, you sure you are ready?" Romelle nodded. "Good, if you will sit here next to Allura." Romelle took the same pose as Allura and sat cross-legged on the pallet next to her. "Now, I'm going to draw a symbol on your hand," Coran took out a pen and began the design. "This will allow your quintessence to flow into Allura very slowly. You won't be able to do it for more than a quintant, but I think we will have to find a way to bring them all back if this goes that long." Coran placed Romelle's hand over Allura's on Shiro's head. "Now concentrate on wanting to help." Romelle closed her eyes and breathed deep and slow. A faint lilac glow surrounded her hand. Allura's body stopped shaking. "You're doing it."

Coran sighed. He would give them another day, after that they would have to find a way to bring them back. He felt relatively certain that Shiro would not die at this point. His body truly seemed to be functioning well and that indicated a good bond with his spirit, but if they didn't remove the programing it would remain a threat to them and Coran didn't know what they would do at that point. Keeping Shiro locked away for his and their safety was distasteful, but Coran wasn't sure what else would be possible. He walked around and checked each of them again. He wished not for the first time that he could protect them from this. He signed again and sat down, he would have to settle for watching over them as they slept.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING _ Referenced Rape/Non-con - The parasite is evil.

"Lance?" Hunk asked with his arms open. Lance crawled over into his arms and curled up against him. He wasn't making any sounds just kind of hiding himself in Hunk's arms.

"We need to get the fuck out of here!" Pidge was ready to have a mental breakdown and leave the crazy train behind. This had gone too far.

"Pidge, we have to get rid of this thing!" Keith shouted back. He was as near to the end of his rope as Pidge was, but he would not leave Shiro.

"How?! All we've done is make it stronger and hang out here and let us torture us and…" Pidge turned to Lance and she just didn't have any words to continue.

"And this sucks, and we have to figure out a way to stop him. We are going to destroy that fucker for what he did." Keith answered.

"How, I'm back at how, Keith cause the original plan, not working so well." Hunk joined the argument.

"Just go. He is hurting you and you need to leave me here and go." Shiro spoke. He was sitting on the ground staring at them. "I can't let him hurt you like this for me. I'm so sorry."

"Shiro, this is not your fault. You didn't do any of this. Hell, the copy of you didn't even do this. This is completely on Haggar, the fucking bitch!" Pidge spat out.

"What?' Hunk leaned down to Lance who had whispered something.

"Please stop fighting." He whispered again.

"Guys, hey, we need to tone it down." Hunk looked down at Lance and they all got the hint. "Hey, you want to tell me how we didn't know about this?"

"No. But I suppose I should." Lance sighed. "He came in and killed them. I didn't know he was the one behind it. I thought he'd saved me. He took me to a healing thing on the planet, sort of like the cryopods and they healed me."

"And you didn't tell us." Hunk sighed.

"I couldn't," Lance choked out the words. "I just wanted to pretend it wasn't real."

"Okay, you know I won't judge you about this." Hunk laid his head against the top of Lance's. "You know I understand."

"I know, but you were a kid and I'm a paladin. I should have been able to do something." Lance's voice was just loud enough to reach Hunk's ear.

"Bullshit, you were drugged and there were four of them." Hunk rubbed his hand on Lance's back.

"We need a new plan." Pidge said as she sat down next to Shiro. "The bayards can chase the parasite off, but only pulling control from him seems to make any real difference, and I can't tell that even that is hurting him."

"What's a paladin without a plan?" The parasite appeared sitting next to Pidge. He blinked away when she tried to slug him. "You can't stop me now. I am stronger than all of you!" His voice echoed from the sky and dark clouds began rolling across it.

Another memory started. Kuron was helping Lance out of some kind of alien hospital bed. He was dressed all in black and seemed disoriented. Kuron grabbed his arm and practically drug him out of the room.

"What the hell?" Lance pulled his arm back rubbing it.

"What, don't tell me you don't remember?!" Kuron shouted.

"I," Lance looked confused and then scared, "what happened?"

"You're a fucking slut. What the hell were you thinking? Oh hey I'll get plastered and sleep with every fucking guy at the bar? Was that it?! What is the matter with you?!" Kuron grabbed Lance's arm again and continued dragging him toward a shuttle.

"I didn't. I…I didn't want that." Lance's face crumbled as images from the previous night filled his mind. "I told them no!"

"Oh sure, you said no, I saw the way you were acting with them. The way you were dressed?!" Kuron shook his head. "Did you think you could do that 'Loverboy' shit and swing around on ropes like a damn stripper and no one would react?" Kuron turned to him with disgust written all over his face. "It's like you advertised for it. Free fucks for the taking."

"Shiro, I…no." Lance had tears running down his face at this point. "I told them no, they forced me. I didn't want that." Lance tried to pull his arm away from Kuron, but he held tight.

"I guess they read between the lines, cause everything you were doing said that you did. I had to kill those idiots. Do you know that? I killed four people for you." Kuron shook Lance by his arm. "One of them was the government official that spoke against us yesterday. How do you think that is going to look?"

"I…It doesn't matter how it looks, what they did was wrong." Lance sobbed.

"What you did was wrong! This is all your fucking fault. I paid off the medical facility and had someone dispose of the bodies. No one is going to say anything to anyone and we are going to hope this blows over." Kuron slammed Lance back against the hall. "Are we clear?"

"You want me to keep quiet." Lance whispered softly.

"Yes. I can't believe this even happened. If you were half a paladin…but I guess you aren't. I'm not even going to tell Allura, she'd probably kick you off the team and risk not having Voltron rather than have shit like this go public. It's disgusting." Kuron let go of Lance's arm and boarded the shuttle. Lance bowed his head and followed quietly.

The memory faded, but the sky was now covered in dark clouds. The parasite appeared behind Keith and put his hands on Keith's head. "Oh what's this? Keith, I didn't know you almost died in the quantum abyss, you must share."

The memory this time was Keith and Krolia on an asteroid. Keith was moving and then was suddenly being literally pulled apart, he body was stretched beyond normal bounds. The parasite laughed and was gone.

Now Keith was left writhing on the ground screaming in pain.

***

Coran was finishing his shift. He'd replaced the nutrition bags for each paladin, checked everyone's levels which were still dropping and checked the connection between Romelle and Allura. It seemed steady. He'd let Krolia know earlier about the change and she had simply nodded and told him about the predators attacking. It really didn't seem anything was going their way today.

As he was doing his finally check on Keith, his heart and breathing rates spiked dramatically.

"Oh, Quiznak!" He brushed his hand against Keith's head and monitored the vitals. There was absolutely nothing he could do to help and it was incredibly frustrating. Within five dobashes of starting the spell faded. Coran went to check and saw that Shiro's levels had dropped again. He closed his eyes and shook his head. A few levels lower and they would be in danger of him rejecting the body again. What was going on in there?

Krolia was sitting at the feet of the black lion. The predators had been circling for the last varga around the outside of the camp, just past the range of the lights she had put around. They did not like light. She had moved the cow and mice inside of the blue lion and instructed them to stay put. No sense leaving temptation out for the predators to see.

Cosmo laid at her feet resting. He had been up for a long time and was just catching naps as he had the chance. She marveled at how lucky she and Keith had been to find him. He had made life on the whale so much easier. When those awkward silences would crop up, there was also the pup to play with. Keith had been lonely and bored and it had been good for him to have something to occupy his mind. Krolia hadn't needed anything other than seeing Keith. She could have just stared at him the entire time and been content. Though Keith had told her more than once to stop with the creepy staring. She had told him it wasn't creepy, she was just making up for lost time. His eyes had softened and he'd given her a hug. She smiled reliving the memories she had seen of him as a toddler hugging his dad, riding on his shoulders, holding his hand, he'd been quite the little love.

The predators had taken up their barking again. It bothered Krolia, made her skin crawl, there was something unsettling about the sound. Just as she thought that one jumped over the light. She slung a dagger at it and stuck it in the heart. It dropped nearly instantly. She walked over cautiously listening to the growls from the other side of the light. She pulled the dagger and wiped it off in the fur before throwing the body as far as she could into the woods. She heard more barking and growling as the others fought for a piece. There were more than there had been before, at least fifteen of them now.

It was nearly the end of her shift. She stepped into Black giving Cosmo the command to guard. He would alert her if anything happened.

As she came in Coran was shaking his head.

"Another drop?" She asked.

"Yes. Keith had one of the spells and then Shiro dropped again as he came out of it. Shiro must be doing something to protect them in there, I just wish I knew what was going on." Coran turned to Krolia and handed her the scanner. "If Shiro's levels drop to here." He pointed to a bar on the pod. "Call me. We will have to take action."

"I will. Coran, be careful, the predators are becoming bolder. One entered the camp earlier. Hopefully it's carcass will keep them occupied for a while at least."

Coran nodded and picked up his rifle before headed out for his turn at the watch.

***

Shiro's hand stopped glowing and Keith finally relaxed. Shiro fell backwards and lay panting on the ground. He was getting dim again, almost as bad as when they had first arrived.

"We need to share more memories, Shiro is getting too weak." Pidge wiped his bangs out of his face.

"No, it will just make him stronger." Shiro objected though he could feel himself fading. "You need to leave."

"Not going to happen." Keith declared.

"I want to show him something." Lance said quietly.

The memory started with Lance sitting in his room. He was staring at the black outfit he'd worn in the alien healing pod. There was a knock at the door.

"Come in." Lance shoved the garmet under the cover of his bed.

Kuron opened the door, he looked upset - frazzled.

"Shiro? Are you okay?"

"Lance, I woke up and I have blood on my shirt. I mean it's black, but I'm pretty sure it's blood. I don't remember what happened. We were in the club and then I was here. What happened? What did I do?" His voice almost broke.

Lance took a deep shuddering breath. Kuron moved forward to touch him and he jerked away from him. Kuron just stared or a moment.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked in a small voice.

"No." Lance looked at the floor. "There were some guys at the club. They…" Lance breathed deep again.

"Did they hurt you?" Kuron asked moving a little closer.

Lance nodded not trusting his voice.

Kuron sat heavily down on Lance's bed. "I'm so sorry. I should have been there to help you."

"You were. You killed them." Lance answered still not looking up.

"I…okay."

"Okay? You're not upset about that?" Lance asked finally looking at him.

"If they did what I think you are saying they did, then I am not upset that they are dead and I am not upset that I killed them. I only wish I could have stopped it." He looked up at Lance sincerely.

"Okay." Lance sat on the bed, far enough away that he wasn't touching Shiro. He put his arms around himself and pulled his knees up close.

"Have you talked to anyone?"

Lance shook his head no, "We aren't telling anyone."

"Lance, they will understand. They can help you." Kuron tried again.

"No." Lance shook his head fiercely tears starting to fall. "No, please promise me you won't say anything."

"Okay, okay, I won't. I promise. Maybe you can talk to me? I could listen?" Kuron offered.

Lance closed his eyes and shook his head no again and the memory faded.

Shiro glowed brightly for a moment and was then able to sit up.

"I don't know what to do." Pidge sat on the ground next to Shiro. "I don't know how to fix this."

"We're missing something. Something is wrong with what he said." Lance answered her quietly. "He wasn't Shiro's parasite, he was Kuron's. How can he take from Shiro like that? He only did it to Kuron because he didn't know he was there and couldn't stop him."

A faint glow broke through the dark clouds and another Shiro appeared. This one had the white streak in his hair, but was wearing white. Keith yelled and charged and Pidge joined him. Hunk brought up his bayard. The figure only held out his hands.

"STOP!" Lance yelled.

The others turned to look at him like he was crazy, but he continued. "It's not the parasite. Can't you feel it?"

"He's right." Shiro echoed. "It's not him."

Keith held his blade to the others throat, "Then who are you?"

"I am, well I thought I was Shiro, I guess you are calling me Kuron now." Kuron brushed Keith's hand away from his throat and continued toward Shiro. "He has been lying to you. He isn't able to take energy form you. You are giving it to him."


	10. Chapter 10

The growling was getting louder. Coran had fired two shots. One had been a warning and one a wounding. The creatures pounced on the wounded one and killed it. Cosmo growled. Outside the circle of their camp, the light reflected in the predators eyes as they circled. There must be at least thirty of them out there Coran thought. The situation was getting a little concerning.

"Well Cosmo, it might be a long shift." Coran muttered, adjusting his grip on the rifle.

The wolf whined in his throat a little.

"I'm worried too." Coran admitted. He raised the rifle and fired again. Just over the head of the creature that had been moving close enough to the light that Coran could see him clearly. It jumped back with one of it's hollow sounding barks. As it did another jumped into the camp, over the lights. Coran shot it and it dropped. He fired again to assure he had killed it. Remembering what Krolia had said he moved to it and threw it out into the forest. This time the snarling didn't seem to leave the ring around the camp, at least not completely. It seemed something to eat was not enough to distract all of them anymore. Coran backed up to Black's ramp. It was going to be a very long shift.

***

"Why should we believe you?" Keith asked with a snarl. "How do we know this isn't just some new game?"

Pidge eyed Kuron warily, circling behind him in case she needed to make a move.

"Keith, you know I'm not him. You can feel it. I know you have better instincts than that." Kuron tried.

"Yeah, great instincts, so great I left my team with an abusive bastard." Keith narrowed his eyes, the truth was he did feel that this wasn't the parasite and he wasn't sure he could trust himself.

"Keith." Shiro and Kuron said at the same time.

Keith's eyes widened and he backed up. This was all just a bit too much.

"Tell us." Shiro asked.

"We were created as two parts of a whole. I didn't know he even existed. When he exerted control I didn't have any memory of it. I didn't know he was there, only that I was having blackouts." Kuron began.

"You should have told us." Pidge stated angrily.

"I know. It was a mistake." Kuron acknowledged.

"A mistake? It was a more than a mistake. It was a betrayal!" Pidge snapped.

"I'm sorry Pidge. I am so sorry. I thought it was just an extension of the PTSD. I thought I could handle it." Kuron turned to her apologetically.

"Well you couldn't!" Pidge yelled.

"Pidge, stop, he didn't know. It wasn't his fault." Lance stepped up beside Kuron.

"How can you say that, after what he did?" Pidge turned her anger to Lance.

"Because it's true. He didn't know. He didn't do those things, it was that thing, the parasite." Lance took a deep breath and continued. "And I'm sorry too. If I had told you, all of you, maybe we wouldn't be here."

"Lance, you don't have to apologize." Hunk spoke firmly.

"I do. If I had come forward, we might have been able to save Kuron. We might have gotten to Shiro sooner. I'm sorry." He managed to whisper the last part out, his arms wrapped around himself. "I should have known better, I should have done better…"

Hunk couldn't take anymore and wrapped his arms around Lance. "Stop it."

"Lance, you have to know this wasn't your fault." Kuron stood in front of him. "Please, don't blame yourself. I was doomed from the moment I was created. I cannot live without him and he cannot live without me. It's how I'm still here. There was a small bit of me left in him and as he grew stronger so did I."

"So when we defeat him?" Lance whispered.

"I'll be free of him." Kuron answered. "And I'll be gone." He added apologetically.

"How, do we beat him? How are we giving him power?" Shiro wanted to know.

"As you became more and more attached to my body, the parasite realized that he would no longer be able to take control of the body through me. He needed to use you, but you were already growing too strong. He needed to find a way to get strength too." Kuron looked over to Shiro. "He is feeding on your guilt. When you blame yourself for what he did, he is using that negative energy in this plane to attach himself to you." Kuron looked out to all of them. "To all of you. And once he is attached he begins to drain your quintessence."

"Great so we just picture kitties and rainbows and be positive and this will all go away!" Pidge snarked.

Kuron gave her a sad smile at the same time Shiro wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Pidge, I wish it was that easy. You need to let go of the guilt. You need to put the blame where it belongs - on him. It will stop him from pulling your energy, from getting stronger." Kuron answered.

"But, he's already so strong." Hunk whispered.

"Right now we need to stop feeding him. Stop giving him more energy, more power." Shiro stepped forward. "Then we deal with him."

"Shiro, oh that is just so weird..." Kuron gave him a half smile.

"I know the feeling." Shiro responded with a very similar smile.

"You need to stop blaming yourself for not being there. Stop letting the parasite make you feel that what he did is your fault. It isn't. You died. You were trapped in Black. I know you would have done anything to have stopped this. I know that you would have done anything in your power to get back to them. And that's how I know you couldn't. I know because it's how I would feel." Kuron spoke slowly.

Shiro bowed his head and wiped a couple of tears away. Know thyself took on new meanings for him just now. Kuron was right though. He needed to let it go. It was hard. It was hard to admit, he simply couldn't have changed any of it. He felt an arm wrap around his shoulder and a familiar head tuck in under his chin. Keith didn't give out a lot of hugs, but he was pretty good at it. Shiro took a deep breath and another. Two small arms wrapped around his waist. Then two large arms encompassed the three of them from behind. He looked up and found himself face to face with Lance. The younger man gave him a small smile. He leaned forward against Shiro and snaked arms in between them all, weaving them together.

"AWWW! They are so cute!" The parasite mocked.

"They aren't feeding you anymore." Kuron snarled.

"Going to fight me?" The parasite smiled wickedly.

"We all are." Lance stepped out of the hug, rifle already in hand. The others circled around bayards at the ready.

"Well, well, I guess you've figured it all out. Stopped me at my game? The problem is I'm already stronger than all of you. I already have what I need to destroy you! Do you think it matters what happens to me? I have one purpose to destroy Voltron. When that is done; I am done, purpose fulfilled." He dodged a swipe of a sword from Keith. "Why don't you all just lay down?"

The memory played of the gravity field on Naxzela. Everyone, but Keith was pinned to the ground, groaning in pain.

"How do you feel about a rematch?" The parasite glared at Keith.

Keith moved to a ready stance, "Bring it."

***

Krolia used the cloth to wipe Keith's face. His heart rate was increased and he seemed to be sweating. His breathing was becoming more and more rapid. Her hand shook as she wiped his face. She stared at it. Being a Blade meant accepting death. It meant accepting the death of others of your team. It meant being able to give anything up to complete the mission. In all her years as a Blade she had never waivered, never doubted, never wondered and now she didn't just wonder - she knew. She couldn't accept Keith's death. If it came down to it, she would choose him over the mission.

Maybe the Blades didn't have it all right. Mabye changes were needed. Maybe there was a lot they could learn from Voltron and her son. She smiled. She was looking forward to seeing that happen. She wiped Keith's face again. He was strong enough for this. He was going to succeed. She knew that too.

"You can do this, Keith. You are so strong." She wiped his face again. His breathing was coming in sharp gasps and his body was trembling.

***

Sword clashed with metal and sparks flew. Keith and the parasite had been fighting long enough that he was starting to wear down. There was sweat dripping off of his nose and his arms were starting to tremble. He was losing. The parasite was toying with him. The next downward swipe of the glowing arm caught him in a glancing blow in his left arm and he stumbled back.

"Shiro." Kuron whispered from beside him.

Shiro was struggling and trying to get up. He was not going to lie here and watch Keith be killed.

"Shiro, it's not your memory. It's mine. You have to fight it. You can do this." Kuron's eyes met Shiro's in a matching determined gaze.

Shiro pushed himself, he could feel the pressure holding his body down. He concentrated on it going away, letting him stand. He could feel it easing off and he pushed himself up to his knees and then standing. He had to continuously concentrate to keep the pressure away, but it was working.

"Take it." Kuron gestured to the bayard he had managed to create.

Shiro managed to lean down and pick it up. Concentrating on creating a weapon and keeping the pressure away was painful. He fell to one knee as an oversized punching dagger formed in his fist. He forced himself back up. He moved slowly at first, but gained speed as he found balance. He dove into the fight striking at the parasite.

Keith looked and met his eyes. He gave him a nod. The tables had turned. The parasite didn't stand a chance. He and Shiro were going to finish this fight.

"Oh two against one, is it?" The parasite backed up so that they were both in front of him. "How did you manage to get up?" He narrowed his eyes at Shiro. "You think you're going to win now, don't you. You think I don't have anywhere to go? Any other cards to play? Ask yourself Shiro, would you let yourself be backed into a corner like this without a trump card? Wouldn't you do anything to finish your mission?"

Shiro paused, alarm on his face.

"I will destroy Voltron." He laughed coldly. Keith took another swing which he blocked. Shiro moved, taking the opportunity to punch the dagger up in under his ribs to his heart. He turned cold eyes to Shiro. "And I would die to do it." He smiled as blood ran out of his mouth and he began to fade. "One last memory to share. This one was at the Omega Shield. I thought I was going to get to get rid of the Princess, but someone else got in the way. Didn't you, Lance?"

The memory of Naxzela disappeared and a new memory appeared, a bolt of energy building up in the shield and firing toward the blue lion. The red lion moving so fast and shoving her out of the way taking the impact. Lance screamed. His body arching off of the ground and then falling completely still.

"I win." The parasite whispered as he faded away and the skies cleared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the cliff - Sorry, not sorry


	11. Chapter 11

The jaws snapped inches from Coran's face as Cosmo flipped the predator off of him. Coran brought his rifle back into the fight and got in two more hits before one of them grabbed his arm. He screamed when the teeth bit down through his flesh and dropped the gun. Cosmo pushed against his other side and blinked them back further up the ramp into Black. The didn't seem to be an end to the number of predators surrounding and attacking them. They had come at them in force about 10 dobashes ago. There were just too many. Coran and Cosmo had dropped several, but they were simply being overwhelmed. Coran was about to call out to Krolia for help when two things happened at once. Red's eyes lit up and she roared. Krolia screamed.

Now Coran hadn't known Krolia very long, but in his general opinion the Blades weren't a particularly emotionally overt kind of people, so her screaming was not good. Red on the other hand could be overt, at least when it came to one particular emotion. Coran saw the flames burst from her mouth and down into camp. Cosmo yelped and blinked them away just as it began to get a little too warm. From the cockpit of Black he could see the predators being burned and chased back into the forest by Red. She was demolishing everything in her path and had was basically burning the forest down in a swath of destruction as long as Voltron was tall.

Coran blinked. His blood was dripping down his arm. Cosmo whined. His fur was smoking a little. The ends of Coran's mustache were also smoldering and it had been shortened significantly.

"Coran!" Krolia called sounding out of breath.

"Here. I'm here." He went running into the back of Red. His feet refused to move from the doorway when the scene in front of him registered. Krolia was doing CPR on Lance. CPR which he had learned about from Lance. CPR which he had told Lance sounded barbaric and painful. CPR which Lance said didn't matter if it was those things because the person was essentially dead and you couldn't hurt them. Lance was essentially dead. Coran's chest felt leaden. Tears sprung to his eyes. He couldn't breath or think.

"Coran?" Krolia managed to look up at him during compressions. "Is there anything else we can do? I learned this from Keith, but I don't know what else…" She nodded taking in the look on Coran's face. There wasn't anything else. "Okay. Then I will just have to keep him going until they can help him where they are."

***

"Shiro." Koran had to hurry he didn't have long. Lance had didn't have much longer than that. Kuron could feel himself drifting away from this body. Something else was calling him forward, but he had one more thing he had to do before he left. He had to be sure his team would be okay.

When Kuron reached Shiro, he was starting to get up. He needed to try to heal Lance. He didn't have the energy Kuron knew it. If he tried to heal Lance like that they would both die. Shiro probably knew it too, but he would try anyway.

Kuron reached and to grab him, but his hand passed through his arm. Shiro stopped stunned and turned to face him. Kuron leaned forward until his forehead touched Shiro's. His head seemed to pass into Shiro's overlapping slightly.

"I'm sorry. I don't have time. You don't have enough quintessence left to heal him. If you try to do it, they will lose both of you." Kuron's voice echoed in Shiro's head.

"I have to. I can't not try. I can't just let him go." Shiro cried out.

"You need help. All of you might not even be enough, but you stand a chance then." Kuron explained. "I'm almost gone, but I wanted to leave you with a gift." And with that Kuron faded away. He was gone.

***

Hunk made a strangled sound that should never come out of a human body. He scrambled over to Lance. He wasn't breathing. He held out a shaking hand and felt for a pulse. There wasn't one. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"He's not breathing and he doesn't have a pulse." His voice sounded cold and detached to himself.

"NO!" Pidge screamed and slammed her fists into the ground. "You're wrong. You have to be wrong! He can't be…just NO!" Pidge had tears streaming down her face.

"Move." Keith slid over next to Lance. He pinched his nose, tilted his head back and gave two quick hard breaths. He could see Lance's chest rise with each one. He then moved further to the side and began chest compressions. Lance was fading, literally seemed to be fading away right in front of him. Before they had each given off a bit of a glow, but now, he wasn't glowing, he seemed blurry - or that could be the tears in his eyes.

"Keep going Keith." Shiro said as he knelt on the other side of Lance. "I'm going to need all of you to help if we have a chance to save him." Shiro placed his hands on Lance's arm. "Okay, Pidge, Hunk, both of you need to put your hands on him as well." Pidge laid her hands on his leg and Hunk on his head. Keith was still doing CPR. He wasn't sure if it mattered on the astral plane or not, but he felt like he was breathing and his heart was beating, so it seemed like something Lance should be doing too. "Okay, we have to concentrate on healing him. Concentrate on him being alive."

Shiro's hands began to glow, followed by the bright red of Keith's and Pidge's deep green and Hunk's warm yellow.

***

"Quiznack!" Alarms began to blare as the quintessence levels dropped in all of the other Paladins. They were nearing critical levels. Coran hurriedly scribbled on his hand. "Krolia, keep going. I have to try to help them."

He pressed his hand onto Allura's shoulder. He needed to reach her.

Krolia watched as Coran's orange quintessence glowed around him and spread over to Allura and Romelle. Her arms were starting to shake, but she was not going to stop. She listened to the blaring of the alarms, the roar of the red lion and for a brief moment wondered what she would do if she was the only one left when this was all over.

"Allura?" Coran saw her and Allura sitting ahead of him. It looked like a field of flowers that used to bloom just outside of the castle.

"Coran?" She looked up at him. "What's wrong?"

"They need more quintessence. They need to heal Lance." Coran kept his voice controlled, but it was impossible to hide his grief.

"Is he?" Romelle asked eyes wide.

"Not breathing and his heart stopped. We must hurry. Please, Princess, send them my quintessence. You and Romelle are using all that you have to keep them all together, you don't have any to give." Coran asked.

"Coran, if it doesn't heal him, it will kill you. It could kill all of them." Allura frowned. She did not want to lose Lance either, he meant a lot to her, but she would not sacrifice everyone for even him.

"They have already committed to it Allura, we will lose them all." Coran walked over and put both of his hands in hers. "Please."

Allura nodded. She looked to Romelle, the girl had already closed her eyes and was concentrating. Coran's orange quintessence surrounded the two of them and then seemed to be flowing up into the clouds.

***

Pidge had fallen onto Lance's legs, she was trembling with effort but she would not quit. Keith had sweat pouring down his face, his arms burned and his vision had narrowed down to only his hands. He couldn't see or hear anything but his hands and the rhythm of the movement in his mind. Hunk had closed his eyes and was swaying gently like there was a breeze about to blow him over.

Shiro saw himself fading, almost as quickly as Lance. There just wasn't enough. He wondered if they would all be trapped in Black if they were to die here or if the others would simply be gone like Kuron. Lance was growing harder and harder to see, like a ghost that you could see right through. They were losing him.

***

Krolia's heart was pounding against her chest. She felt like her arms weren't even hers anymore, just sources of pain. She paused for two rescue breaths and continued. What else could she do?

***

Coran collapsed next to Allura and Romelle. His body fading until he was barely visible.

***

"Don't you dare leave us." Shiro whispered as his hand started to pass through Lance's arm, just as he had with Kuran earlier. "No. Please."

***

Shiro felt it before he saw it. Warmth, comfort, security, wrapping around him and through him and wrapping around Lance a glow of soft orange. They all glowed for a few moments. Then Lance coughed. Shiro had to push Keith back to alert him to the change. He blinked slowly like someone waking from a nightmare. Hunk checked for a pulse.

"He's alive." Hunk touched his forehead to Lance's. "Lance, thank you for not leaving me, hermano."

Lance's eyes blinked open. He looked up into Hunk's and then over to Keith and Shiro. He could feel Pidge laying across his legs.

"Hey guys, what happened?" He felt awful. He wondered if he looked as bad as they did.

"You died." Keith whispered.

"Oh." Lance shuddered. That hadn't been a memory he'd been in a hurry to relive. "You brought me back?" Lance looked over to Shiro.

"We all did." He reached over and brushed Lance's bangs out of his eyes.

"Thanks. So did we win? Is the big bad gone?" Lance closed his eyes and leaned into Shiro's hand.

"Yeah, we won." Keith answered suppressing the shudder and the echo of the parasite's parting jab. "He lost."

"Kuron?" Lance questioned quietly.

"Free." Shiro answered. Kuron was free, no longer weighted down by the evil of the parasite. His spirit was free.

"I'm all for this bonding and stuff, but the parasite's gone, Lance is back, Shiro is good…can we get out of here?" Pidge asked barely lifting her head.

"Does anyone know how to do that?" Hunk asked looking around at the blank looks and each of their faces.

"Click your heals, Pidge. Say there's no place like home." Lance offered with a grin.

Pidge's response was cut short as all of them found themselves propelled back into their bodies.

***

Shiro blinked his eyes open. He was lying in the pod. He grabbed the side and pulled himself up slowly. Pidge and Hunk were starting to stir, moving a little and moaning. Coran was sitting on the floor next to the head of his pod. He looked dazed and exhausted, there was blood on his arm and his moustache was half burnt off. Allura had her head lying in Romelle's lap and the girl was gently wiping her face with a cloth.

He turned to the other side and found Krolia leaning against Keith. She was breathing heavily and seemed to be sweating, though he wasn't sure with the fur. Keith had leaned his head against her shoulder and wrapped an arm around her. Lance was laying flat on the ground, his face scrunched up in pain.

"Lance?" Shiro asked.

"Ow." He answered. "I feel like Red was dancing on my chest." From outside Red roared her protest. "I'm not blaming you." he murmured.

"That was my doing." Krolia offered. "Your heart stopped."

"CPR?" Lance asked and she nodded. "Galra know CPR?"

"No, Keith taught me." She smiled down at Keith and kissed the top of his head.

"Moooommm." Keith complained.

Shiro leaned back and breathed a sigh of relief. It was going to be okay.

"Why does it smell like burnt dog in here?" Hunk asked.

Cosmo whined.


	12. Chapter 12

Lance blinked blearily as he felt his body being lifted. The painful flare in his chest had him more alert in a moment. He looked into Krolia's eyes.

"Hey?"

"I am trying to prop you up again. You rolled off the cushion." He could feel the cushions being adjusted behind his back. Krolia then leaned him back slightly. "I need you to take a deep breath."

"Okay." Lance breathed deeply. Krolia had been having him do breathing exercises every time he woke up. She said he needed to do them so he didn't get fluid build up in his lungs.

"Good. Again." She listened carefully and had him breath a couple more times. "Good." She gave him another nod. "You sound clear."

Lance wondered if Keith had enhanced hearing, too. His eyes roamed about Black. Everyone was starting to move around a little more. Shiro was sitting up in the pod. Hunk and Pidge were both sitting up leaning against the pod talking quietly. Keith was petting Cosmo. The wolf had bandages wrapped around three legs and one ear. Romelle was bustling around bringing everyone hydration pouches. Her and Krolia had recovered the quickest. Allura was leaning in another corner and Krolia was speaking with her now. The only one still out was Coran. Apparently he had nearly depleted all of his quintessence to save them and needed more time to recover. Lance felt his gut clench - Coran could have died. He could have died to bring Lance back. He was laying on the ground where Lance couldn't see him well. Krolia had told him that he had a bad wound on his arm and some scratches, but that everything would heal with time.

Lance wondered if she was right. Did everything really heal with time? No one had said anything to him yet. No one had mentioned what had happened in the astral plane. When they had first returned they had all been so depleted and exhausted that they had simply stayed where they were and slept, well except for Krolia propping him up. She said he had two cracked ribs and he believed her every time he took a breath, but at least he was breathing and he had thanked her for what she did.

Romelle and Cosmo had blinked over to Blue to feed Kaltendecker and retrieve the mice. There was apparently a forest fire outside. One that Red had assured him she did not feel the least bit guilty about. The images of some sort of creatures attacking Coran and Cosmo made Lance pretty sure he didn't feel guilty about it either. Red was worried about him though. Her presence was constantly hovering in his mind. She, of course, knew about everything that had happened and had encouraged him many times to talk to the others, but when he had decided not to she had supported him. Now it seemed she was feeling guilty about it or he was or both, everything was a bit jumbled.

The things he relived in the astral plane were things he had never wanted to live through in the first place. To have to go through the pain again combined with the humiliation of having it happen in front of his friends and having them find out how much he had hidden from them and lied to them. He wondered what they must think of him. He had practically betrayed them and now they knew most of everything that had happened and he hadn't even had the chance to tell them himself. And they didn't need to be focusing on him right now anyway, they needed to focus on the mission, on getting home, not the pathetic excuse of a paladin he was…

Red's growl in his mind stopped his rapidly derailing train of thought. He took a deep breath. It was going to be okay. He had gotten through this already, this was more like a bad dream than it happening again. He had those all the time. He could get through this too. He just needed to focus on now and forget the rest and move forward. Focus on the team. Focus on the mission. Let the past go. His lips twitched in a slight grin. Hakuna Mata he heard in Timon's voice. His eyes drifted back closed and he relaxed into sleep.

He didn't notice Keith stealing glances at him from behind Cosmo. He couldn't hear Pidge and Hunk's whispered concerns. He couldn't know the thoughts spinning through Shiro's head. There was no way his team was going to let him neglect himself again. Trauma like what he experienced doesn't just go away no matter how much one may wish it or try to make it so. Keith had already witnessed some of the coping mechanisms that Lance had employed. Pidge and Hunk were comparing notes and coming up with more concerning behaviors. Lance was not okay and pretending different wasn't going to make him better. They were determined to help him in any way that they could.

"Allura?" Krolia watched as Allura's eyes tracked up to meet hers. The Princess was already in much better condition after a few hours of rest.

"Krolia." Allura smiled over her hydration pouch. "Is the fire still burning?"

"Smoldering. By tomorrow morning we will be able to retrieve our gear and the lions will be sufficiently charged." Krolia nodded. "As long, that is, as everyone is fit for travel." Krolia asked the question without asking it.

"We can take scans to be assured, but as long as the quintessence is over this level," Allura pointed to the scanner, "then there is no concern. We will also be sufficiently charged. While Coran started lower than the others, Alteans regain quintessence quicker than humans, I do not anticipate any issues with travelling in the morning."

***

Keith was petting Cosmo. The wolf nuzzled him and whined a little. It was like he could read Keith's thoughts. Keith was sitting at the side of Black watching Shiro and Lance. It was still early, they were not playing to leave for a couple more varga. They were both sleeping, but Lance was starting to frown and mumble in his sleep. The mumbling was getting louder. Keith stood to move closer, but he wasn't quite fast enough. Lance woke with a scream. Keith tripped over Cosmo in his rush to get to his friend's side.

Lance's eyes widened as he realized what had happened. Everyone was calling his name. They knew. They all knew. He couldn't get a grip on his breathing and it hurt. His chest felt like it was on fire and he couldn't breath.

"Lance," Keith grabbed one of his hands. "Lance, you need to slow down your breathing. Lance!" Keith tried to get his attention. It seemed like Lance was headed for a full blown panic attack. He wouldn't meet Keith's eyes and his breathing was a rapid as ever. That is until the point is face took a faint shade of green and he leaned over and vomited fluid all over the floor. Keith winced with each heave. It had to be hurting with his ribs.

"Lance, focus on my voice. Listen to me. Breathe in. Hold it. Breath out. Wait. Breath in. Hold. Breath out." Shiro's voice was calming as he spoke firmly, but kindly. Lance was slowing down his breathing, following Shiro's voice. Keith could see the tears streaming down his face. He clung to his friends hand wishing he could help in some way. Finally Lance leaned back and eyes closed. He pulled his hand out Keith's grip.

"I'm sorry." He muttered. Romelle brought a hydration pouch and handed it to Keith while she bent to take care of cleaning up the mess. "I'll get it." Lance offered looking down embarrassed.

"Nonsense. I practically raised my little brother. This is not the first sick I have cleaned." Romelle brushed him off and went about her work.

Keith sat watching Lance's face. His embarrassment was clear and there was residual fear from the nightmare, but it was quickly being closed off. Keith patted his arm and held out the hydration pouch. Lance took it and took a small sip. Romelle held the bucket up for him and he swished his mouth and spit it out.

"Drink some of that." She smiled and patted his cheek before taking the bucket outside. The fire was out and the area around the lions was safe. Pidge was monitoring for the predators in case any survivors tried to come back.

"I'm sorry." Lance finally looked over to Keith.

"What for?" Keith asked and patted his knee.

Lance nodded, "Okay." He grimaced as his chest burned.

"Chest hurt?" Keith asked. Lance nodded. "We should check your ribs, okay? Vomiting could have caused additional damage. Can you slip your shirt off?"

And that was the wrong thing to say. Keith watched as Lance's eyes practically bugged out of his head and he swiftly shook his head no. It didn't take but a moment for him to regain his composure, but it was a long moment for both of them.

"I'm fine." Lance stood shakily. "No need to check, just a little sore."

"Lance." Shiro used his best Dad voice.

"I'm fine." Lance said again with a way too fake smile.

"Lance, how about you let me check your ribs and we can wrap them for you in case that happens again. Just walk up to my bunk, I've got some bandages that will work stashed up there." Shiro offered. "We'll just need Keith's help, okay?" Shiro waved his single hand at Lance for explanation.

Lance looked back and forth between Shiro and Keith for almost a full minute before he nodded. He walked back through Black to Shiro's room. He felt like every eye was on him as he moved and couldn't completely suppress the shudder that went down his spine. Knowing and seeing were different things. It was bad enough that they already knew. He wasn't ready for them all to see.

Keith looked over at Shiro confused. He felt out of the loop, like he'd missed something.

"He didn't want to take his shirt off in front of us." Hunk supplied. He had been quietly observing. "I don't think I've seen him at the pool or even just swapping outfits in a long time. I didn't even notice it until he reacted that way, but it's unusual. We bunked together at the Garrison and he was never shy."

"Shiro, how did you know?" Keith turned to him noticing the odd look on the man's face.

"I…I remembered something." Shiro offered. "I remembered something Kuron saw."

"How is that possible? Kuron is gone." Allura asked alarmed.

"I think he gave me his memories. Right before he faded he said he had a gift for me. I think he gave me his memories." Shiro's eyes shined with tears for a moment before he wiped them.

"Are you okay?" Pidge squeaked climbing up beside Shiro on the pod bed.

"Yeah, I just, it's a little overwhelming." He gave her a smile. "You didn't tell me you went out to get Matt on your own."

Pidge blushed a little and ducked, "I didn't exactly ask."

"I know that too." He ruffled her hair.

"I'm glad you know." She looked up at him with a smile. "I'm glad you're back, but I miss him too. You knowing is like getting to keep a little of him too."

"I think that's why he did it." He gave her a one armed squeeze and stood. "Come on Keith." They made their way back to Shiro's bunk.


	13. Chapter 13

Keith entered the bunk behind Shiro. Shiro turned and nodded to the door and Keith swung it shut. Lance was sitting on the bed with his arms wrapped around himself.

"Sorry." He could barely hear him across the room.

"Again, what for? It's not a big deal to walk to a bunk." Keith shrugged nervously because obviously something was a big deal.

"I just didn't want them to see." Lance muttered.

"See what?" Keith asked gently.

"His scars." Shiro offered. Lance's head jerked up in shock, staring at Shiro. Shiro sat down next to him and put his hand on his knee. "Kuron gave me a gift." Shiro gave Lance a sad smile. "Before he left he gave me his memories. So I remember why you both decided to come clean with everyone else."

"Huh." Lance muttered. "Well, I guess that makes this easier, sort of."

"Why did you decide to tell them?" Keith was still out of the loop.

Lance took a deep breath and then shook his head. He didn't know what to say.

"Can I tell him?" Shiro asked Lance and he nodded. "Kuron really didn't know about most of what happened when the parasite took control. They are just blackouts in his memories. The few he knew about are when he came to and figured out what was happening. As you saw, Lance protected Kuron from the truth more than once." Shiro gave Lance's knee a squeeze.

"I shouldn't have lied." Lance whispered. "I thought he was, I just…" Lance shook his head.

"You just did the best you could with the information you had. Lance, no one should be put in a situation like that. It's not fair for anyone to second guess the decision you made in that circumstance, not even you." Keith spoke slowly, echoing words someone else had spoken to him years ago. Based on the smile on Shiro's face he recognized them.

"So the morning of the day you came back, Kuron was going to train. Allura and Lotor were scheduled to leave later and he was feeling especially off that day. It's probably why he didn't notice Lance was there until he walked in on him changing."

"I had been working out. I couldn't sleep." Lance offered. "I was pretty upset with the whole Lotor and Allura going off in an experimental ship thing. I didn't hear him coming either."

"Anyway so I…we…he…" Shiro paused for a moment and then started again. "He saw scars that he didn't know about and at least a couple that were pretty obviously his doing."

"He was really upset when he realized." Lance didn't look up. "He said it was all going too far and if he was doing things like that he should be locked up. That he wasn't going to let me keep getting hurt. He said we'd call Keith back and Voltron would be fine." Lance sniffled a little.

"You scared him. He would never have hurt you." Shiro moved his hand to brush back Lance's bangs. "He was so sorry."

"I know. He was ready to lock himself up and throw away the key." Lance looked up finally. He looked from Shiro to Keith and took a deep breath before slipping on his shirt.

Keith had to take a quick deep breath to keep from vomiting. There was a hand shaped scar on Lance's ribs on the left side. Obvious, yeah, that was obvious.

Shiro moved to check on Lance's ribs. There was some impressive bruising on his chest already. He was running his hand over the ribs checking to see that nothing seemed to have shifted or worsened.

Keith was trying not to stare, but it was hard. There was a second hand print on Lance's back just under his right shoulder blade. There were other scars too. He recognized the ones from the crystal explosion in their very early days, but a lot of the others were new.

"Why did he burn you?" Keith asked.

"This one was for questioning letting Lotor out of his cage." Lance pointed to the one on the front. "I'm not sure what the other one was for. He was really ranting that day." Lance ran a hand through his hair.

It was that movement that highlighted another set of scars on his arms. Long thin narrow scars on his upper arms and some on his forearms. Keith reached out a tentative hand and brushed over the ones on his forearm.

"Lance?" Keith tried to get him to look at him, but he seemed to find the floor very interesting again. Keith looked over to Shiro and he nodded. He knew.

"Ribs are good. Let's go ahead and wrap them, I know you should be taking it easy and not worrying about wrapping them, but I'm not sure we can guarantee that in space. Might as well do what we can, huh?" Shiro offered him a half smile.

"Yeah." Lance agreed.

Keith took a roll of ace bandages from Shiro, "Ready?" Lance nodded and he reached around him. "Not too tight?"

"It's okay." Lance muttered his breath tickling Keith's neck.

"Okay." Keith finished wrapping and leaned back to check. It seemed secure.

"Keith." Lance grabbed his arm. Keith looked over at him. "I'm okay, you don't need to worry about me. These are old." Lance gestured to the scars on his arms.

Keith frowned at him, "Lance, I know we have creams that heal stuff up pretty quick. I don't know how old those are."

"I haven't cut my arms since the day Kuron saw me. I swear." Lance looked up fear plain to see.

"And if I was to ask to see your leg?" Keith shook his head. "Lance, you can't keep lying. I know, it's hard. It's hard when you're already used to covering it up." Keith swallowed hard. He was not good at this kind of thing.

Lance lifted wary eyes to look at him. His hands hand moved unconsciously covering his thigh. "Who said I was lying?"

Keith just stared at him until he looked away.

"Lance, we want to help." Shiro spoke calmly.

"Help? Help what? I'm fine. You've wrapped my ribs and we are taking off today. I'm fine." Lance tried to stand up, but Keith had planted himself directly in front of him.

"No, you're not." Keith wasn't angry. It was just a fact. "Shiro, could I talk with Lance for a minute?"

Shiro patted Lance's shoulder and stepped out.

"Would you get out of the way? Why did you do that?" Lance was avoiding looking at Keith and trying to scoot past him.

Keith put a hand on each of Lance's knees, "Just wait. I want to say something. I'm…I'm not good at this stuff okay?"

The slight note of desperation was enough to get Lance's attention. He stopped trying to scoot away. Keith sighed and moved to set next to him.

"Look, I know we can't undo everything bad that happened and you can't keep pretending it didn't hurt you either." Keith was the one close examining the floor now. "I...I know what I'm talking about. It's like getting stabbed and it heals up, but only on the outside and on the inside it's still all cut up and infected and gross. And all the stuff spreads inside of you and messes everything else up. The only way to get better is to get it out. Sometimes it's like you have to get stabbed again and it gets all over the place, like messy and stuff, but it's still better than leaving in there cause it's just going to keep growing and killing you."

"Please, never tell that to Hunk. He will puke on your shoes." Lance glared at Keith. "I get you want to help, but I'm fine. I don't have whatever that was you said." Lance moved to pull his shirt back on.

"Quiznak! Lance listen to me. You do." Keith huffed and stood suddenly. "Fine." He started pulling off his shirt.

"What are you doing?" Lance had the most perplexed look on his face Keith had ever seen.

"Just shut up." Keith rolled his eyes. He held out his arm and placed it against Lance's. A crisscross of fine scars ran from his shoulder to his elbow on both arms. "Please Lance, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm telling you I know what you're doing."

"Why'd you do it?" Lance reached out and touched Keith's arm.

"It started when my Dad died. It got worse when I got put into this foster home. It…it wasn't good." Keith rolled his arm and pointed to a round scar near the bend of his elbow. "He burned me with his cigarettes sometimes."

"I'm sorry." Lance looked about ready to cry and Keith was pretty sure tears were already in his eyes.

"Yeah well, I just pretended I was fine. I didn't tell anyone. I kept hearing I was lucky I wasn't in a boys home, that I was a problem, that I wasn't adoption material." Keith kept driving forward determined to get his point across. "I was pretty angry all the time. When I was thirteen I stole a car."

"A car? How did you get into the Garrison with that kind of record?" Lance asked stunned.

"Didn't have a record. The guy I stole the car from didn't press charges. In fact, he's the one that signed me up at the Garrison the next day, told them I was some kind of prodigy pilot and they needed me." Keith smiled.

"Shiro?" Lance guessed.

"Yeah. He never gave up on me. It still was a year before I told him about the home I was in. It took him two days to get me out of there and moved into the Garrison. I felt pretty stupid for waiting so long to tell him." Keith admitted.

"I get that, but you were just a kid and it was a crap situation. Kids shouldn't have to be afraid of their home."

"And you shouldn't have had to be afraid of your home or leader." Keith added.

Lance shook his head avoiding turning the subject back to him, "And this?" Lance gestured at his arm.

"About six month after I was at the Garrison I slipped up and cut too deep, couldn't get the bleeding stopped. I panicked and called Shiro. He took me to the hospital and got stitches. He made me go to a counselor. It still took a long time before I didn't want to do it anymore. I was pretty good at hiding it." Keith gestured to his ribs that had some faint scars along them.

"Why'd you keep doing it? Even after you were safe." Lance looked over to his friend.

"I didn't know how to stop? All the messed up stuff was still inside of me. It didn't just magically get better because I didn't have to live with that asshole anymore. He wasn't hurting me more, but the damage done was still there. It's why I know you aren't okay and you aren't fine. I tried pretending that I was okay too, and ended up still hurting myself and getting in a fist fight and almost kicked out. Okay, now please tell me you get it cause I don't know what else to say and I don't talk about feelings and I don't know how to stop…"

Lance wrapped him up in a hug, tears definitely flowing at this point. "You can stop. I get it."

"Oh thank Quiznak." Keith leaned his head against Lance's shoulder. "You know having your life flashed in front of your mom on the back of a giant space whale by weird time forces in space is easier than talking about it."

Lance chuckled wetly, "I swear I understood that and I'm worried about both of our minds. I never could have imagined the insanity that our lives have become. Now all we need is Shiro to walk in and get the wrong idea."

Keith jumped back from Lance and pulled his shirt to his chest wide eyes turning to the door. Lance's laugh was a bit hysterical but totally contagious and Keith had no choice but to join him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: From this point forward we're going to do some time skipping. More of an effort to shoehorn this concept into cannon with additions or follow-ups to episodes. All part of my brilliantly insane plan I assure you....really...okay maybe brilliant is a bit much...moderately clever?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter - It just seemed to work that way
> 
> Set following "The Way Forward"

Three weeks later.

"You unbelievable asshole!" Pidge slugged him.

"Why did you do that?" Lance sat back shaken and clearly confused. He wrapped his arms around still healing ribs, as the jar to them hurt more than the fist to his face. She hadn't meant to do him extreme damage anyway. "Damn Pidge, that hurt." Hunk had grabbed Pidge and was restraining the screaming gremlin.

"You stupid, self-sacrificing son of a bitch! You were apparently well enough to take on Ezor and Zethrid!" Pidge shrugged off Hunks hands and moved to stand over Lance. "Who told you that was okay? Huh?! You think I can't handle myself?"

"No, Pidge. I know you can." Lance scrambled back a little further. Distance seemed like a good idea at this point in case she decided to prove it.

"So what? Just felt like getting beat up? Thought oh hey torture sounds like fun?" Pidge followed him not letting up and Lance was starting to get a bit pissed off himself.

"I thought I didn't want to see you get hurt! I thought I'd do what I could to stop it!" He snarled back.

"By what, putting yourself in my spot?!" Pidge snarled again.

"Yeah, if that's what worked!" Lance screamed back.

Pidge stopped yelling and her face crumpled tears started falling as she fell on the ground in a heap and her shoulders jerked in a sob, "And I'm just supposed to be okay with that?"

"Well no." Lance looked around terrified of the crying girl in front of him. Keith looked just as spooked. Shiro was smiling fondly at her. Hunk just shrugged. Allura rolled her eyes and mimed hugging her. Lance moved forward slowly, for fear she change her mind and slug him again. He wrapped his arms around her and she clung to him leaning into his body and sobbing. "I'm sorry, Pidge. I didn't want you to get hurt. I had to try. It didn't work anyway. I'm sorry." He moved his hand behind her head and soothed down her hair. She kept muttering how stupid he was and shaking. Finally she leaned back and just looked at him with her huge honey brown eyes.

"I don't want you to get hurt either." She finally whispered. "You've already been hurt and I don't want you to get hurt again. I can take it. I'm a paladin, same as you."

"I know that Pidge. I know you are so brave and strong and as a Paladin I get that, but as a friend that just all goes out the window. Hell, you're practically like my little sister and I just can't not try, I can't. You can't ask me to." Lance kept one arm around her shoulder and patted her hands with his other one. "I'm sorry, but you can't ask me that."

"I know. Just know that goes the other way too." Pidge murmured half asleep already.

Lance closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head. The rest of the crew set up camp around them and let them sit until Pidge woke back up. Lance's legs had fallen asleep so he stayed there and stretched them out waiting for the feeling to return through the pins and needles.

He couldn't have saved her. He kept playing it in his head. If things hadn't gone the way they had, she would have died. He'd played his only hand and still lost. After his move they already knew what she meant to him, knew hurting her hurt him and nothing he had said would have stopped them.

He woke up in a cold sweat later that night. His breath whistling as he panicked. The dream had started out bad and had gotten worse. Ezor had strangled Pidge. Her legs had twitched and she'd gone still. He had tried to get to her, but there was something holding him back and he couldn't move. The others kept yelling at him to save her and he couldn't. Then Kuron was there screaming at him that he was a failure, putting a knee in his back and holding him down while he burned him with the Galra arm. When he rolled over Kuron was still there but looked dead. He asked him why he didn't save him, then Pidge was there and then Hunk, then Keith and Allura, Coran, Romelle, Krolia, even the animals all asking why he didn't save them, why he let them die. The part that had him screaming was when his family joined them. His little niece and nephew asking their tio why he didn't love them enough to save them.

He sat up and threw off the blanket. There wouldn't be any more sleeping tonight. He climbed into Red's cockpit. He'd intended to just sit there for a bit. Keith had cleaned Red out, pulled out his crate of booze and his box of razor blades from his room. He'd even found a couple of pretty well hidden stashes. Lance had thought for a moment Red had ratted him out, but then no she hadn't because he hadn't found them all. He just needed to calm down before going back to sleep. A quick drink would do the trick and then he'd be relaxed and he'd sleep. It worked before. He took a swig from the bottle that was stashed under a console. It was stronger stuff so it shouldn't take much. Two more drinks and he remembered he really hadn't eaten anything for supper. Finding out they were three years missing sort of killed his appetite. His family had to think he was dead. Hell most of the rest of the universe thought that and they at least had known where he was. Two more drinks and he couldn't quit crying. It was all so damned unfair. Why couldn't anything be easy? Everything was out of control and they didn't even have their flying home anymore. Was Voltron homeless? He laughed through his tears picturing the defender of the universe with a will work for food sign. He fell asleep in the chair with the half empty bottle.

Keith poured the whatever it was on the ground and smashed the bottle against the rock wall of the cave. He should have checked on him sooner. He should have known. He was just still reeling from the whole you've been gone three years and oh yeah Acxa's had this weird hero worship going on for you since you saved her from the weblum and the minor background noise of nearly dying again. He'd have to ask Coran if he had anything to cure a hangover. He sat down and leaned back against red and held his head in his hands. He didn't know what he was doing. He wasn't a counselor. He'd helped Lance to bed so at least he wasn't going to wake up sore from sleeping in the pilot seat. At least he hadn't found any new cuts. What the hell was he supposed to do with this?

"Number four." Coran sat down next to him.

"Coran." Keith looked up wondering what he was doing up at this hour.

"I have very good hearing," he offered. "I was afraid it would be Lance."

"It was. I just threw the bottle." Keith leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "I'm afraid I'm messing this up. I don't know what to say to him?"

"Mind if I take a turn?" Coran offered.

Keith searched his eyes considering the offer. "I don't know, Coran. I don't want him to feel like I'm passing him off. He hasn't really talked to anyone else." Everyone had been told the minimum details. Everyone had the basics, but details, direct conversation, so far other than the brief moment with Pidge it had only been Keith. To be fair even those conversations were sparse details. They had a whole lot more to deal with other ways to cope. Other things to do when he felt like cutting.

"And you are doing an admirable job. This is the first incident in weeks and given the circumstances, we all likely should have been able to predict it. We aren't quiet there yet though. Let me try, Keith." Coran met his gaze with a steady one of his own. "I have talked with soldiers of war before."

"Okay. Okay Coran, I just wish I could send him to a professional doctor, someone who knew what to say." Keith shook his head again. "I'm just afraid I'm screwing him up worse."

"When Number three told me about your CPR, he said it was something you did to keep a person alive until help got there. The person as essentially dead and it was the only way to keep their body going until someone who could really help got there." Coran spoke slowly watching the booze wash down the wall onto the broken glass.

"Yes, that's basically right." Keith answered wondering where Coran was going.

"And you couldn't make it worse because they were already dead?"

"Right?" Keith frowned at Coran.

"So we just need to keep Lance going until we can get him to help. We can't make it worse, we just have to try to keep him going." Coran offered with a half smile.

"Mental CPR…sure." Keith was left with laugh or cry. "Why not, we did regular CPR already, right?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super long chapter to make up for the short one :) Coran and Lance :)

Coran sat and waited. Lance looked so small curled up in his bed with the blankets wrapped tightly around him. When had he missed him losing weight? How had he missed it all happening right under his nose? It was all there looking back, plain and clear, but he'd been distracted hadn't he? He'd been worried about Allura. He'd been worried about Shiro. He'd been distrustful of Lotor. He'd worried about Pidge and her family. He'd fussed over Matt and Sam.

He'd been proud as Lance had grown, he'd seen him improve in combat, in strategy, in diplomacy, in everything. He'd noticed that they had spent less and less time together, but they were both busy and it seemed Lance just hadn't needed him as much. Coran wrung his hands together, but then Lance had needed him and maybe Coran had been hurt that he hadn't been spending time with him. Maybe Coran had let that blind him more than he wanted to admit.

He could picture each of the scars littered across the boy - no young man's skin. Some he knew and way too many that had been shocking surprises. Marks that clearly denoted a painfilled existence; he'd practically been tortured right under their noses. Coran's thoughts drifted back over the year. He remembered winces and bruises peaking out around sleeves. He remembered flinches and avoidance. He remembered missing alcohol from the storage area. He remembered bandages and supplies being low in the stocked area of the med bay. So many clues that looking back made him think he must be the worst guardian to ever watch over paladins.

It was his job to keep them safe. He was entrusted with their welfare and he had failed. He'd failed Lance and Shiro. He'd failed Allura with the whole Lotor fiasco. He'd failed them all. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. He must have dozed off because he woke to the sound of Lance whimpering. If he hadn't already been cried out that would have pulled more tears out of him, as it was the sound tore at his heart like claws.

"Number three?" He touched a hand carefully to his forehead. He pushed into it. "Lance?"

"Coran? M..legs…hurt." Lance muttered not entirely awake, but definitely in pain.

"Ah. It's a side effect of what you drank. It's making your legs cramp. Can I help? I'll just massage your calves, it will hurt a bit, but then the muscles will relax." Coran offered. "Is it okay if I touch your leg?"

Lance nodded as a tear squeezed out between clenched eyes.

"Okay." Coran gently touched calves that were hard as rocks from the cramp. "Oh I imagine that does hurt." He started gently and then applied more pressure. Lance pulled away from his hands. "I know. I know. It will help it just takes time." Coran kept massaging until the muscles stopped going back to their tightened state. "Now I need you to take a drink." Coran helped Lance sit up and propped a pillow behind him. "Drink this." He handed him a hydration pouch. Lance sipped at the water. His face a shade of red and his eyes downcast.

"Does your head hurt?" Lance nodded. "Nauseous?" He nodded again. "Okay, the water will help the nausea some, but I have something else for you to take when you get that down, then I will need you to drink another pouch."

"Okay." Lance managed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have drank so much. I just kind of forgot that at some point." Lance ducked his head.

"A definite risk when drinking. It tends to lower your ability to make the right decisions." Coran offered as he pulled out a small bottle from his coat pocket. "Okay, one drop of this and then the next pouch."

Lance took the proffered medicine cup and let the drop fall on his tongue. It tasted horrible like burnt popcorn mixed with rotten milk. He turned green and Coran had a bucket in front of him before he vomited. His body seemed determined to rid itself of everything he'd consumed in the last decaphoeb.

"I'm sorry, Number three, but it will help." Coran held the bucket with one hand and wiped back sweaty bangs with another.

"You don't have to stay." Lance offered between heaves.

"I do. I owe you so much more than this." Coran moved his hand to the back of Lance's neck.

"Don't…owe."

"Oh, but don't I? You saved my life and Allura's. You protected the others against a danger I didn't even know existed and it was my job to know. It was my job to take care of you and I did a very poor job indeed."

Coran moved to rubbing circles on his back as the heaves seemed to be slowing. When they finally stopped Lance leaned back. Coran put the bucket down and grabbed a cloth from the bathroom dampened with water. He wiped Lance's face with the cool cloth and then laid it on the back of his neck. He hardly moved, the poor boy was wrung out.

"It's not your fault." He whispered.

"It's nice of you to say, but I think you are wrong." Coran handed him the hydration pouch. "Now drink slowly, we want this one to stay down."

Lance sipped at the pouch, watching Coran as he tucked the blankets back around him. Sometimes Coran reminded him so strongly of his father that it made him want to cry.

"I'm not wrong. It's not your fault. It's my fault. I hid it from you." Lance knew he'd avoided the man carefully. Coran had too much potential to see through his mask, to ask the wrong question, to just figure out how to make him talk. He figured it was partly due to the whole father thing. "I avoided you because I knew you would figure it out."

"And I let you. I think you forget that I'm much older and wiser and should have figured this out." Coran was back at his side. "I only hope you are able to forgive me."

"Forgive you? I don't think you did anything wrong. Besides, you almost died to save me. Allura told me you gave so much quintessence to help us that you would have died if she and Romelle hadn't stopped you. I wasn't worth that." He turned those blue eyes in Coran's direction and his heart shattered.

"Not worth…my dear boy…you are worth so much more!" Coran wiped a tear from Lance's face. "Would it be okay to give you a hug?" Lance's shoulders hitched in a sob and he dove into Coran's arms.

Coran kissed the top of his head and held him. "You remind me so much of my son. Did you know? He was a few years older than you when I lost him and his mother."

Lance paused in his crying to turn a tear stained face up to him and gave him the most brilliant smile. "You remind me of my dad."

"Really?" Coran's heart swelled with pride. "Well he must be a very handsome fellow then?"

Lance gave him a softer smile and leaned back into his arms, "Sure, but that's not what reminds me of him. He always knows how to make me feel better."

"Funny that's why you remind me of Torren." Coran scooted over next to Lance on the bed and leaned back into the pillows. Lance was still curled up against him, his breathing evening out into sleep. "That and your incredible bravery, your brilliant wit, your fierce protectiveness of your friends, and the way I would do anything to keep that smile on your face." Coran continued to whisper to Lance as he also fell asleep.

A few varga later Lance awoke to a mild headache and an unusually warm bed. It took him a few moments to remember that Coran was there. He could feel the blush creeping up his face as he remembered his behavior last night. It wasn't that he was embarrassed that Coran knew what he thought of him, but of the weakness he felt he had shown. He sat up and found Coran was awake and climbed out of the bed as soon as Lance was seating. He took a seat across from the bed.

"How are you feeling, Number three?" Coran calmly questioned.

"Um…fine." Lance replied not quite looking up.

"No nausea? Residual headache?" Coran tried again.

"Well, my head hurts a little, but not bad." Lance didn't much see the point of lying at this point.

"Alright. Take one of these and drink another hydration pouch." Coran handed Lance what looked like a watermelon seed and the hydration pouch.

"Um…chew or swallow?" Lance managed to look over for clarity.

"Swallow. They would test horrible if chewed!" Coran made a face of disgust giving Lance the impression he knew what they tasted like.

Lance managed the pill - seed - whatever and drank the pouch. He excused himself to the bathroom to change and clean up for the day. It was late morning and he knew he was already overdue for breakfast. He was surprised that Coran was still waiting in his bunk when he finished.

"Sit down, if you would, Number three." Coran looked more serious than usual so Lance followed without comment. "We need to have a discussion."

"Okay." Lance really wasn't sure what to expect.

"What would you have done if we had been attacked last night?" The question was not asked coldly, but the chills ran through Lance anyway. What would he have done if they had been attacked while he was passed out in the pilot's seat of Red?

"Red would have woken me up. We would have done what needing doing." Lance finally answered in a subdued tone.

"And do you know this because it has happened before?" Coran kept the same neutral tone.

"No. I just know she would have. I've…", what could he say that it hadn't happened before, that would be a lie. Honestly, he'd done it on purpose before, alcohol can be a very effective sleep aid. "It hasn't…I guess I've just been lucky."

"I guess we all have." Coran again, with the tone. "Because as much as Red would certainly attempt to compensate, your inebriated state would have rendered her nearly useless in a fight and would have made forming Voltron very likely impossible, and if by chance it did form, your incapacitation would essentially be passed to every member of your team through your link."

Lance sucked in a breath through his teeth. That was hitting below the belt a little.

"I know this. I have seen it happen before. It is for that reason I need you to show me the remainder of your stashes and we need to clean them out together. You cannot maintain this habit and maintain your position as a Paladin of the Red Lion."

Lance blinked slowly as the words sunk in. What was Coran saying? "You're kicking me out of Voltron?" The desperation must have bled into his voice.

"What? No, no dear boy." Coran grabbed both of his hands in his own. "No. I do know that Red will seal herself in her particle barrier and will not let you back in until something changes if something like this costs her a loss in battle."

"Why? How do you know that? Red wouldn't betray me." Lance objected.

"No, but what if she felt you betrayed her. What would she do then? Do you not remember Allura saying that Red was the hardest to get along with, the most fickle? Have you found her to be that?" Coran pushed.

"No, not really, I mean a lot more serious than Blue, but agreeable and willing to do anything in battle." Lance answered, sending waves of love to his courageous lady.

"Right. So why do you think Allura said that?" Coran waited.

"I…I don't know?" Lance answered flustered. He hadn't really thought about it. At the time he'd been mad at Keith and thought he deserved a grumpy cat.

"When Allura's mother died, King Alfor was crushed. She was the love of his life. He would have done anything for her, but he was not able to save her. He didn't know how to handle his grief. He pushed himself harder and worked long hours. He did more training. He attended more meetings. He even spent more time with Allura." Coran began.

"It doesn't sound like he did anything bad." Lance offered.

"It doesn't and on the surface he did many good things during that time. The problem was he wasn't dealing with his grief. He was pushing it away with all the other things he had to do or get done, and constantly filling every moment of every day so that he didn't even have time to grieve. I understood when he put Allura's grief before his and I did not stop him. As a father it was his right to protect his child. But Allura grieved her mother and learned to live without her. It was painful, but she had a loving father and was always a strong child. She adapted and began to move on with her life." Coran smiled sadly in memory of the brave little princess with her chin up and her eyes bright with unshed tears.

"But you see, Alfor, didn't. He continued pushing himself harder. He wasn't sleeping properly. He was worried constantly. I'm not sure when the drinking started. It wasn't until it had gotten very bad that I found out. I found him passed out in a corridor of the castle. I thought he was ill. Well, he was, but not the way I thought. The doctors said he'd drank so much he'd poisoned himself with the particular beverage." Coran sighed and looked away. His eyes distant and sad.

"He was three quintants in the hospital and refused to see Allura. He had horrible cramps and vomiting. He told me he'd never done it before. It was the first time he'd drank so much and he just didn't realize the effect it would have. The doctors told me it was unlikely that someone who as not already a heavy drinker could consume so much. But he was my king and my friend and I believed him." Coran shook his head and looked to see if Lance was listening. He seemed to have fixed his eyes somewhere around Coran's chest level. Not exactly eye contact, but better than staring at the floor.

"I knew he was still drinking after the hospital, but he seemed to have it under control. I never saw him passed out or ill again. The problem was he had just gotten good at hiding it and lying about it. It was a two pheobs later when it happened at the wrong time. He was drunk when the alarm went off. It was an attacking Galra fleet and the lions were needed. Of course, Zarkon had already betrayed them, so there was no forming Voltron, but the lions were still defending what they could. Red was more of a hindrance than a help in the battle. She tried to compensate and Alfor tried to pilot and they were a mess. Blaytz finally yelled at them to just land before they got hurt or hurt someone else. Alfor was embarrassed, devastated - and so was Red. She locked him out." Lance did look up to his eyes at that statement.

"The other paladins took Alfor away for a week. They set up fleets in defensive positions and disappeared to one of the Paladin's planets, I don't know which. While they were gone I was tasked with finding all of Alfor's hidden stashes of alcohol. There were too many to count and with each find I felt betrayed and at the same time that I had failed him." Coran moved a hand to one of Lance's knees.

"I didn't tell Allura the truth. I told her that Red was being fickle, that the paladins had gone to rebond to help with the situation. That the damage caused by Zarkon leaving was effecting them and Red. She believed me and blamed Red for the situation." Coran sighed. "I lied to her and I have never forgiven myself for it."

"She was just a kid. You were just protecting her." Lance offered weakly.

"Yes, I was. As you were trying to protect us, right? But you still feel guilty?" Coran asked knowingly.

"How could I not? I screwed up. I was wrong about what was happening." Lance protested weakly.

"As I was with Alfor." Coran patted his hair. "As I was with you. Lance, we all make mistakes, life is a series of them. If I could take away all of the bad things that have happened to you, I would do it, but I can't. I can stop you from making it worse with this." Coran pulled a glass bottle out from under Lance's bed.

Lance nodded, his shoulders slumped.

"Number three, I need to know if there are any more bottles to find. I'd rather you tell me than have to search for them, but I will do it if I have to."

"Yeah, there's more. I can show you." Lance stood and took Coran around Red, they retrieved three additional bottles.

"Thank you, Lance." Coran placed the bottles in a box to remove. "I need to ask you some questions about your drinking. I need to know how much and what you've been drinking. I know for Alteans alcohol can be addictive. Is it the same for humans?"

Lance nodded again. They discussed for awhile amounts, frequency, types, what if anything Lance knew about the human symptoms of withdraw from alcohol, and how Lance was feeling now. At some point they had sat down together on the bed and Coran had his arm around Lance's shoulder by the time they finished.

"Thank you, Number three. I was wondering if you would mind me riding with you and Red for the next leg?" Coran asked as he stood.

"Uh, sure, I guess?" Lance wasn't sure why he was asking, but he supposed it would be okay. Coran hummed and picked up the box of bottles.

"I'll get my things and I'll bring us back some of Hunk's good cooking. I'm hungry." Coran gave him a smile and headed off.

The flight for the day was uneventful and they were spending the night in space as there was not another suitable stopping point for two days. He chatted with Lance about his family and earth and Coran talked some about his family and Altea. It was the most they had talked in a very long time and Coran hoped it helped Lance as much as it helped him.

Later that night, when Lance had dozed off in Red, Coran thoroughly checked every inch of her interior. He even conferred with her as he searched, though he didn't get much of a response other than a vague affirmative. It was with immense relief that he did not find another bottle. He hoped that meant that Lance had been honest about all of the information he had provided and that the alcohol abuse had not reached as critical a level as he feared.

Coran wasn't completely surprised to be drawn back to the pilot by his screams. He had expected nightmares. It didn't make the screams hurt less. He reached out a hand and rubbed back brown bangs from dark skin. He was still asleep, but there were tears running down his face.

"Please stop! Don't Shiro, please, I'm sorry!" The tears and the half shouted words burned Coran to the soul.

"Shh…shh…" Coran continued ran grabbed a hand and rubbed gently. "Everything is okay. You are safe." Coran started to hum softly a lullaby he had sung to his son so many years ago. Lance stilled and opened his eyes to the merest slivers and then closed them and rolled over. Coran pulled the blankets up over his shoulders and left the cabin. Coran was sure he had actually been awake or not and doubted he would remember this in the morning.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS and ACTIONS
> 
> Also alcohol is not a good choice for combatting depression. It is a depressant and will not make anything better.
> 
> I'll go ahead and throw and extra angsty and potential tissue warning on this chapter
> 
> Set following "The Feud!"

"I am not that stupid!" Followed by damn near radio silence. Oh he'd speak if it was required for flying or where they were going or scans or something critical, but zero other chatter. It was unnatural and Hunk's gut twisted inside of him. They had messed up. They had messed up so bad.

"Um…hello?" Romelle's voice sighed on the coms. "He made me leave the cabin. I have to ride in the cargo area?"

"I'll send the wolf, Romelle, if you want?" Keith offered.

"No. No, I don't want to leave him. I um…I think he was crying." The last part was half whispered sadly. "I'll just wait here and if he needs me he knows I'm outside the door." She knew he could hear the entire conversation over the coms and he would know that she was going to be here for him. "I'll be right here."

Lance had to halfway smile at Romelle's declaration. She was a good friend. His breath hitched in another sob. How could they? How could his friends sit there and watch him be tormented like that? He could hear the parasite droning over Bob's words about how stupid he was and how he wasn't good enough. And it was all true wasn't it? He'd done horribly at every freaking test put before him. If they had gotten stuck there it would have been his fault. He really wished he hadn't actually shown Coran all of his stashes because a drink sounded good right now. A drink or twenty maybe, so many that everything got blurry and fuzzy and didn't hurt so much anymore. So much that he was able to pretend that it didn't hurt. So much that he could at least feel numb instead of this horrible aching pain.

He thought Keith was his friend. He thought he understood, but he'd said…well he was pretty clear where Lance fell in the ranks for Keith. And he'd waxed on so beautifully about why he'd picked Keith. It was so damn embarrassing. Keith must have thought it was hilarious or been embarrassed to hear Lance make a fool of himself.

Red growled in his mind and he couldn't help the near wail that slipped out with the next sob. It was so, just wrong. He just curled up in his seat, Red interwoven in his mind almost like she was holding him. Blue had done that before, but Red wasn't usually the cuddly type.

"We are approaching tonight's rest stop." Pidge's voice spoke on the com startling him. "Three days in space and who knows how long with that egomaniac Bob and I'm ready for a pit stop." The coordinates flashed on the screen in front of him and he adjusted Red's heading. She purred and leapt to the new heading, waiting for her slower sisters to catch up.

***

Lance had turned off his mic and it was probably for the best as a choked nearly hysterical laugh was torn from his throat. It happened again. He'd been able to shift the bayard into a dagger, but every time he brought it near his skin to draw blood it shifted back to it's neutral form. Red was growling in his head, in an angry kind of fear, but he couldn't feel it. It was like he couldn't feel anything and he just wanted to be able to feel something. He was so numb and wrung out and he just couldn't feel. He dropped the bayard and it blinked into the pocket of his armor.

They had landed several varga ago. Keith had show up with the wolf and demanded he come down. Lance had said some very nasty things to him. The sort that he thought might get the hotheaded paladin to punch him. It hadn't worked. Keith had just stared at him stoically and taken every insult without comment. Of course, when he'd opened the door to leave and Lance had followed out still pushing and clawing for a response, Romelle had slugged him. As an Altean she was quite strong, but Lance was horrified to find that not even that had hurt, not really.

It was after that when he'd started trying to use his bayard to cut into his flesh. He could only hope that he could still feel that, if he couldn't he didn't know what he was going to do. The problem was he couldn't even manage that and he was growing desperate. He needed to feel something. He needed to remember how to feel, how to feel right, because so much of what he'd felt had been wrong. He'd been wrong. He was wrong. He was broken and wrong and he just needed. His sobs shook his body until he couldn't cry anymore. He couldn't even feel that. He just stared tear stained eyes into nothing, because that's what he was nothing.

His hands gripped the arms of his pilot seat so tight that he felt it cut into his finger. His eyes widened as he held his hand up and the blood welled from the finger tip. He felt it. He felt that. He gripped it again and cut into another finger on that hand and another twinge. Not enough, but something, a feeling of something. He tried to move his leg against the edge, but he couldn't press it there properly, the edge was too shallow not enough room. He tried to get his arm under and he managed a shallow slice on his forearm. It wasn't enough he needed more. He grit his teeth in determination and managed to line his wrist under it and pressed against it carefully. The first line wasn't enough, so he tried again. It was working. He could feel the relief flood over him as he cut again. It was working and maybe his relief made him sloppy, because the next cut was so much deeper than the others. The blood flowed too quickly. He stared at it, fear gripping him, holding him, unable to move. Red had been roaring in his head and now she nearly screamed.

Suddenly Keith was there in front of him, frightened purple eyes locking with his. He was saying words, but Lance couldn't hear him. He had his hands wrapped around Lance's wrist. There was more blood than he remembered. The Coran was there and Allura and they were all saying words, but he couldn't hear any of them. His world was drops of blood falling onto the floor.

***

Keith thought his heart had stopped when he heard Red scream to him. Not call, scream. Her pain jolted through him like a stab wound to his soul. He must have cried out, because eyes were turned to him and shouts had left lips when he grabbed Cosmo and blinked into Red's cabin.

Lance was on the floor on his knees in front of the pilot's seat. He was holding his left arm in his right hand. Blood was running from his wrist onto the floor in a flow that was much too fast. He scrambled forward and grabbed at his arm. Lance didn't even move or flinch he just sat staring. His skin felt cold, shock, Keith's mind supplied him with.

"Cosmo! I need Allura and Coran! Now! Lance, please look at me! Lance!" Cosmo blinked out and blinked back with Allura and then was off and back with Coran.

"Lance?!" Allura was instantly beside Keith reaching her hands out. Her hands reached forward started to glow and her grip replaced Keith's on Lance's arm. "Let go, Keith." she whispered.

Coran had moved beside Lance and had wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Lance still hadn't reacted to any of them. Tears were flowing down Coran's face and Keith wasn't entirely surprised to find them flowing down his face as well.

Allura leaned back after a moment, taking a deep breath and standing. Lance's wrist was sealed, a faint pink place glowed where it had been previously torn apart. Lance blinked a couple of times and then fell back into Coran's arms his eyes rolling back into his head.

"He'll be okay." Allura whispered, her voice weary. "He'll be okay." And maybe she just needed to hear it again to believe it.

Keith nodded and looked down catching sight of his hands - his hands were covered with Lance's blood. It was all over him, red and thick and the smell of it was all around him. He made some sort of sound and suddenly he couldn't be here. He couldn't be in Red. This was his fault, his doing, and he shouldn't be here. He ran out of Red. Allura called to him, but he did not stop. He feel to his knees outside of Red, vomiting onto the ground. Allura came running behind him. She knelt next to him.

"He will be okay." She stated it more strongly. "Keith, it's okay." She rubbed his back. She could feel the others gathering around, their worry and fear weighed on her like a dark cloud. She stood and turned to them.

"Hunk, please go help Coran." Hunk hurried up the ramp, desperate to get to his friend and not patient enough to wait on an explanation. "Lance injured his arm. It was a bad wound, but it's healed and he will be fine. He lost a fair amount of blood, and will likely be weak and need plenty of rest and fluids for a day or so."

"Injured?" Pidge asked. She knew the answer, she could see it in Allura's eyes, but she didn't want to believe it.

Allura took a deep breath with her eyes closed, she opened them slowly and met each of their eyes in turn. "It appeared to be self inflicted."

Keith sobbed behind her and Shiro moved to kneel beside him along with Krolia. Pidge and Romelle blinked tears back, twin sets of eyes that looked far to young to hear anything like that stared into her and Allura swept them both into a hug.

"He'll be okay," she whispered. "We'll make sure."

***

"Oh, Lance." Hunk sobbed as he caught site of Coran carrying him to his bunk.

"He's not in immediate danger Number Two." Coran looked so sad that Hunk felt chilled to his very bones. "I do not believe we can leave him alone."

"Did he, I mean, he tried to?" Hunk wasn't a genius for nothing. The scene had spelled it out for him pretty clearly.

"He hurt himself, whether his intent was to die, only he could really tell us that." Coran laid Lance in the bunk and covered him carefully with a blanket, tucking it around his body. "But whether it was his intent or not the wound would have been sufficient."

Coran wiped a hand across Lance's cheek, wiping away tears that still rested there. He straightened up and pulled his jacket down and turned to Hunk. He squared his shoulders back and met Hunk's eyes. He placed his hands on Hunk's shoulders.

"I have to clean up the pilot's cabin, would you watch over him?"

Hunk nodded, tears streaming down his face, "I won't leave him. I'll take care of him."

"I know you will." Coran slipped out the door. The others had explained what had happened in the disastrous episode against Bob after Romelle had come out of Red in tears shaking her fist and Keith had looked like he was going to fall over. None of them had meant to hurt Lance, but it was clear that is exactly what had happened. Maybe if Lance had been in a better state of mind, maybe if they whole Kuron thing hadn't happened, if he hadn't already been still recovering, but as it was he was not in a proper state to deal with that sort of situation. He couldn't read between the lines. He couldn't interpret the others actions. He only saw the surface and heard the hurtful words.

Coran stopped breathing through his nose before he approached the pilot's seat, the coppery smell of blood saturated the room. They shouldn't have left him alone. Coran shouldn't have left him alone. He should have known that the lashing out at Keith was just an effort to push them away. He should have known. He kneeled and began the process of cleaning up. There was so much to clean up.

***

Hunk sat beside him - suicide watch. He was on suicide watch at his best friend's bedside and he couldn't get past the surreal feeling that surrounded him, like he wasn't really here and this couldn't really be happening. He had thought Lance had been better, had been getting better. He knew he'd still been avoiding him, but he'd talked to Keith, talked to Coran, and had seemed better. He'd eaten with the team a few times. He'd smiled. He'd fooled him again.

Hunk rubbed his hand over the new scar on Lance's wrist and then he picked up his hand and ran circles over the back of it with his thumb. He looked over to find twin blue orbs staring at him.

"I'm sorry." Lance whispered.

Hunk nodded and gave him small smile. "You are not allowed to leave." Hunk said tears in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to, I…not really. I just wanted to feel something. I wanted…something." Lance blinked bleary eyes at him, his voice slurred.

"Then you get me and I will hug you until you feel it. You got that?" Hunk sobbed.

"I got that." Lance gave him a sleepy smile.

Hunk leaned forward and kissed him on top of his head, "You are my best friend and I am afraid I'm losing you."

"I'm afraid I'm losing me." Lance whispered and closed his eyes falling back asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

Hunk leaned back against the bunk watching Lance sleep. It had been too easy to for everyone to fall back into the habits established over the last year. Lance had been deceiving them again and they had left him alone and let him do it again. And worst of all he'd ended up hurt again, whether he intended to kill himself or hadn't intended to take it that far, he had intended to cause himself pain.

He had known that Lance was talking with Keith and Coran before this whole Bob fiasco, but he had been avoiding Hunk. He knew it and he suspected he knew why. Lance hadn't been ready to talk and Hunk was good at getting Lance to talk. His friend stirred on the bed. The others had all agreed that crowding him would do no good. Only Hunk would be waiting for him when he woke.

"Hunk?" Lance blinked his eyes open. He still looked pale, weak, tired, and afraid.

"Hey." Hunk turned to him and waited. He could see the moment Lance remembered. He saw the pain and shame and fear flitter across his face, even anger and some resentment.

Lance sat in silence. He really didn't know what he was supposed to say right now. He wished Hunk would go away, that they would just leave him alone. Why was he here anyway? And at the same time he was absolutely terrified that Hunk would leave. That he would leave and prove that they really didn't care, maybe that's why they weren't here.

"Hey." Hunk tried again and reached forward to lift Lance's chin up.

Lance grimaced and flinched away, but he looked up. He wasn't a coward. He couldn't avoid this forever.

"Lance?" Hunk frowned.

"What are you doing here? Why are you here?" Lance managed knowing he didn't really make sense, but unable to find the right words.

"I'm here for you. I…we are worried about you. Lance, you could have died. You almost died again." Hunk blinked back tears. "Why? Why'd you do it?"

"I didn't mean to die. I wasn't thinking about that. I just…I couldn't feel anything…I felt numb and I wanted not to so I was trying to fix that. I didn't mean to cut that deep." Lance flinched in anticipation of Hunk yelling at him.

"But you meant to cut?"

"Yes." Lance whispered.

"Because you thought it would help?" Hunk was really trying to understand.

"Because I didn't know what else to do." Lance blinked back tears.

"And why didn't you talk to one of us?" Hunk knew the answer, he did, but he needed to hear it from Lance.

"Why would you have listened to me? I'm the stupid one, the idiot, the failure. The one no one would want to get stuck with." Lance spat the words like the poison they were.

"No, you are not those things." Hunk tried to look him in the eye, but Lance kept looking away.

"It's what you guys said! It's what Keith said! You can't just say I'm not those things when yesterday you guys pretty much all said that I was. You think I couldn't hear you, see the faces you were making?" Lance snapped and Hunk cringed.

"Lance, I should have stopped that guy from saying those things. I keep asking myself why I didn't. You didn't fail. I did. I had a total friend failure. And the faces, it wasn't disappointment or me thinking you were stupid, that was me freaking out and worrying about you. He did kind of threaten to kill you a couple of times." Hunk hoped his honesty would help Lance believe the truth about himself.

"That doesn't mean it's what the others were thinking. What about don't get stuck with him Keith?"

"Lance, the others were worried about you too. I promise that is what you saw. And as for Keith, exactly when has he ever been good at telling someone how he feels? Top that off with when's the last time he followed someone's orders that he didn't respect? Keith had to answer, he didn't have to tell him what he really thought." Hunk explained.

"How do you know that's not what he thought?" Lance challenged with a tremble in his lip that made him look near tears.

"I know Keith cares about you and wouldn't hurt a friend. You know that too, you're just letting other stuff stop you from seeing it." Lance nodded and Hunk went to give him a hug, but Lance flinched away, so he pulled up. "I…I need to ask you something else."

"What?"

"When you knew you cut too deep, why didn't you call out to us, ask for help?"

"I…I thought…"

Hunk wanted several moments before prodding, "Thought what?"

Lance bowed his head, "I thought, you know maybe it was for the best. It was an accident, but maybe it would just be better that way."

"In what way could that be better?" Hunk's voice shook with repressed emotion.

"I mean, you've got Keith and Shiro, so Voltron would be okay and then you wouldn't have to deal with me any more. I'm messed up. I know I am and I just…" Lance wiped tears as his shoulders shook in a sob, "I just thought maybe everyone would be happier."

"Fuck that." Hunk's voice trembled.

"What?!" Lance turned tear filled eyes up to meet Hunk's.

"You get that shit out of your head. There is no way, no how, no anything that would be better with you dead. Do you think I want to get back and tell your momma that you died on our way home?! Do you think I'd be better off without my best friend?!"

Lance mumbled something. Hunk was angry with him he thought.

"What?!" Hunk sounded angry.

"You have Pidge. You'd be okay."

"No. Nope. NO! I would not be okay. I would never be okay again. Having Pidge as a friend does not replace my best friend and if for some really messed up reason you thought that then I am here to set you straight cause you are wrong." Hunk had tears running down his own face at this point.

"Hunk, I'm messed up, I messed up. You deserve better, seriously look at me. I'm not worth the effort." Lance spat.

Hunk bowed his head and took a deep breath. "Because you think what happened with Kuron was your fault. You blame yourself for not telling us. You think if you hadn't been dancing that creep wouldn't have wanted you. You think there must be something wrong with you for them to want to do that. You feel like you're somehow causing bad things to happen to you, because why do they keep happening to you and no one else. You say you don't, but you believe some of the parasite's lies about you. You're worried you aren't as good as the rest of us."

"Because I'm not as good. I'm not. I've known that since we flew out here. No matter how much I push Keith and Shiro or Kuran were always better. No matter what I know you and Pidge know more. No matter how much I work on diplomacy Allura and Coran are better. And If I hadn't been dancing that guy wouldn't have noticed. You saw the parasite's memory the same as I did. That stuff is right and of course it's what I think." Lance snarled pushing away from Hunk.

"None of that stuff is right. Not one sentence. Please, Lance sit down." Hunk's voice had lost it's angry tone and just sounded tired. "You know what happened to me as a kid. I've told you the story. You know I've struggled with self confidence and trusting people and anxiety. You know this because you've helped me with it every step of the way. Why can't you see that all those things you said to me are true for you?"

"Because." Lance sighed and seemed to deflate. "Because you don't know what I did."

"What could you have done that would make me think different of you? What don't I know?" Hunk leaned his shoulder until it touched Lance's. "Please tell me."

"I…well I guess it can't get much worse." Lance started telling his story to Hunk with tears running down his face. "It started about 3 months ago…

***

FLASHBACK

Lance was sitting on the observation deck, his back resting against the wall staring into the stars. He heard someone come in and felt Kuron sit down next to him. Their shoulders rested together and he seemed content to just wait him out. There had been a bit of a blow up at training. Lance had been having trouble with a new hand to hand move Kuron was teaching and Hunk and Pidge had been teasing him. They'd been teasing him about Allura all during breakfast, of course Allura hadn't been at breakfast because she was with Lotor.

Lance sighed. He'd let the frustration carry into training. It had made it hard for him to focus on what he was doing and easy for him to get mad at Pidge and Hunk. After a rather disastrous attempt at the throw and Pidge had snarked something and Hunk had laughed and Lance had snapped. Screamed at them to leave him alone, tossed his helmet and stormed out of the training area. He'd ended up here.

"Brought your helmet." Kuron eventually offered.

"Thanks." Lance turned to see the concern on his face. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you yelled at. They were pretty upset that they'd bothered you that much. You know that didn't mean it like that." Kuron offered with a sad kind of smile.

"I know. I just don't seem to have a lot of tolerance today." Lance looked back to the stars. "I feel so out of control lately."

Kuron made a sound of agreement and put his arm around Lance's shoulder. Lance leaned into him resting his head on Kuron's shoulder.

"I know that feeling." Kuron sighed. "Hunk told me I owed you an apology too. He said I yelled at you after the meeting yesterday?"

"Oh. I guess, a little, but it's okay." Lance tensed and tried to blow it off.

So that's a yes." Kuron pulled his arm away and stood. "I don't remember." He looked back at Lance. "What did I say?" His eyes were desparate.

"Just some stuff, I'm sure it's just the stress. I can take it. I'm okay." Lance scrambled up, but wouldn't meet Kuron's eyes.

"I wish you wouldn't lie to me." Kuron walked over to the viewing glass and leaned his head against it. "I don't mean to hurt you."

"I know, that's why I'm not going to let it bother me." Lance came over and stood next to him. "It's not why I was upset today anyway."

"Oh? And what upset you?" Kuron looked over curious. Lance did not often open up.

"Allura. Well Allura and Lotor." Lance ran his hand through his bangs. "I just, he's not right, something feels wrong and I care about her. I mean I know everyone just thinks I'm jealous and I am some, but it's more than that." Lance growled in frustration.

"So we need to keep an eye on him?" Kuron spoke carefully.

"What?" Lance stared over in confusion, because the last time he had spoken against Lotor everyone had shot him down and Kuron had freaked out on him.

"I trust you and if you say that there is something off, then we need to keep an eye on him." Kuron answered without any hesitation.

"Oh, yeah, thank you." Lance gave him a relieved smile.

"I'm guessing I have said something else that made you think I didn't trust you?" Kuron frowned as he walked closer to Lance. "You sound really surprised."

"If I said no, would you believe me then?" Lance huffed.

"No. I guess I'm learning when to believe you and when to trust you." Kuron laughed lightly.

Lance was suddenly struck with how close he was standing, right in front of him. He looked up into his eyes, they were so warm and understanding. This was Kuron, not the angry guy that had flashbacks and yelled or hit. This was who he really was and Lance felt his heart race against his chest. He never looked away and leaned in and pressed his lips to Kuron's.

Kuron slipped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer deepening the kiss. When they pulled apart, Lance stood nervously staring and waiting for a response. Kuron looked away from him back to the stars.

"Lance, I…" he started.

"No, it's okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." Lance started to pull away, but Kuron's grip tightened slightly around his waist.

"Don't be sorry." Kuron gave him a sad smile. "It's just there is someone else and I don't know if he even still feels anything for me, because it ended before I left, but…"

"But you still have feelings for him." Lance offered.

"And you have feelings for Allura." Kuron countered.

"And I have feelings for you." Lance reached up and touched his cheek, gently turning his head back to meet his eyes.

"Are you sure? You've been through a lot." Kuron's eyes were sad. "And I can't make any promises of how this will end, but I have feelings for you too."

"You've been through a lot too, and no one can make promises about how something is going to end." Lance leaned back in and waited. Kuron answered with another kiss.

END FLASHBACK

***

"I still had my issues and so did he, and it's not like I was ready for a lot after everything else, but it felt like it was real, like we were going somewhere good. We spent most of our free time together. We just decided we didn't want to tell anyone else then, there were too many others things going on." Lance finished his story and waited for Hunk's reaction.

"Oh. Okay." Hunk looked a little confused. "That doesn't make me think bad of you. I already knew you were bi, a little hurt you didn't tell me, but why is this bad?"

"Don't you get it? Shiro has Kuron's memories and he hasn't said anything about it. Not at all." Lance blinked back tears.

"So, I mean, it would be a little weird getting someone else's memories, maybe he's just confused?" Hunk offered.

"Or maybe he doesn't remember? Maybe it wasn't Kuron, what if it was the parasite? What if it wasn't him and I used him like that and then I'm just like the guys that hurt me and I can't be…" Lance's breath whistled through his mouth and he panted starting to hyperventilate.

"Lean your head down, okay, now breath with me. No, slower. In. Okay, out." Hunk brushed his hand through Lance's hair until his breathing slowed. "There is no way. If that was true the parasite would have used it against you. Even if it had been true you didn't do it to force anything on anyone and you know that. The only one that can give you a real answer to your fear is Shiro."

"And what if I don't like the answer?" Lance asked desperately. "What if he doesn't know and then because I asked I have to explain and then it hurts him?"

"Lance, it happened. If he doesn't know then he should. He does know you wouldn't hurt him. He does know you. You are holding on to all of this and it's poisoning you. You need to let go of it." Hunk held his arms out offering a hug and Lance leaned into him.

"I'm nuts, aren't I?" Lance chuckled as tears ran down his face pressed into Hunk.

Hunk tightened his grip on the hug and joined his laughter to Lance's, "Well, I've pretty much given up on sanity after this trip. We can all hang out at the looney bin when we get home."

"Sure, we can share a padded room."

"Roomies again!"

Hunk stayed for the night in Red and they talked for most of it. The next morning Coran came to relieve Hunk and they took off for the next leg of the journey. Coran was relieved when Lance talked with him quietly most of the trip. Hunk made a point to talk with Keith, Pidge, Allura, and Shiro and let them know what Lance had said about the cuts. It hadn't started as a suicide attempt, but it pretty much had become one. They could not leave him alone. He told them they had talked and that he did think Lance was trying, but they needed to be careful. Lance was too used to lying to them and shutting them out. It wasn't a habit that was going to end over night.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been like radio silence on this fic...I know it's delved off of the main action and into the patch job, but I hope it's still being enjoyed
> 
> After The Ruins...

"Shiro?" Keith knocked at the door to his cabin in Black.

"Come in." Shiro turned frowning at the box Keith was carrying in with him. "What's this?"

"Well, I…I would feel better if you would keep these in here right now." Keith passed the box over to Shiro. Shiro's frown deepened upon discovering it was filled with Keith's knife collection.

"Keith?"

"I didn't and I'm not, but I…I know my limits and I'm close to them, so it would make me feel a lot better not to have them so close right now." Keith managed to get out though his voice was choked and he didn't meet Shiro's eyes.

"Ah, kid." Shiro stood and pulled him into a hug. Keith's shoulders shook and Shiro could tell he was quietly crying.

"There were just so many of them. So many damn Blades."

Shiro pulled him in a little closer.

"I didn't know all of them or anything, but there were a few. It just sucks, if we hadn't been gone none of this would have happened!" Keith pulled back angrily swiping at his tears. "And now Mom and Kolivan are going back out there and I'm not even going to see them for like years and who knows what they will face. How many Blades are even left? I didn't want them to leave!"

Shiro sat on his bed and watched Keith rant and pace. It wasn't a fair spot for the Black Paladin to be in. He'd only found his mother just a short time ago and now he had to give her up already. Kolivan had been a role model for him, showing him the good within the Galra. Now they were both gone on a mission they may never return from and Keith was on a mission that was likely to take at least three more years to get to Earth, get a ship built, and get back to the battle.

"You know why they left." Shiro tried to calm Keith.

"Of course I know, the mission first, always the damn mission." Keith slammed a fist against his thigh.

"No, I don't think that was the case this time. I think they need to know for themselves if there are any Blades left. Not just for the mission, I think because they want to find them and keep them safe. You must be a bad influence on them." Shiro added the last with a slight grin.

Keith huffed and turned to Shiro. His eyes were red and there were bags under them indicating a lack of sleep.

"Yeah, maybe."

"I know Krolia and Kolivan leaving was hard on you, but you haven't been sleeping well for longer than that." Shiro patted the bed and invited Keith to sit.

"No. I suppose not. You don't look so hot yourself, by the way." Keith glared at Shiro who was looking pale and weary.

Shiro shrugged, "Kuron's memories keep coming back to me. I don't even know if I have them all yet. Sometimes they seem all out of order. It's kind of hard to sleep when I start to doubt if I'm dreaming, remembering, or having someone else's dream."

"That's…okay, yeah that's weird. I guess you get a pass on the not sleeping properly." Keith winced. "Lance still won't talk to me." He admitted.

"Ah, is that because he doesn't want to or because you are avoiding him?" Shiro asked looking at Keith out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm not avoiding him! I'm just busy and we've been busy with stuff…fuck…fine I'm avoiding him." Keith ran his hand through the hair at the back of his neck. "It's practically my fault that he tried to kill himself, Shiro. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to him…oh um sorry I was an ass and you felt so bad about it you almost offed yourself."

Shiro blinked a couple of times, "Well, I wouldn't open with that."

"I don't know what to say. I was so stupid. I just, I really thought he'd know that I was lying that the answer I gave was bullshit, that I was just pissed at the whole situation and why didn't he know that?" Keith turned desparate eyes to Shiro. "Did he really think I hated him? That I'd say that…that we're not friends, that I wouldn't want to be with him? I mean around him?" Keith's face blushed clear to the roots at his misspeak.

Shiro nodded and didn't address the slip. He was pretty aware of how Keith felt about Lance. It was causing him some issues of his own. "Keith, maybe the Lance you left behind when you went to the Blades would have gotten that, but this Lance has been torn down too much. The parasite did a real number on him, you know that, he doesn't have the confidence to believe you didn't really mean what you said. You need to tell him. I know Hunk has already told him, but I bet it would be better coming from you. You could even tell him the real reason you picked him?" Shiro raised an eyebrow.

"Um no. No." Keith shook his head and closed his eyes. "I can tell him I didn't mean it though. I can do that much." Keith sat in companionable silence with Shiro for several moments.

"So, you haven't talked to him either?" Keith finally pieced together what Shiro had said. Hunk had talked to him, he thought he'd like to hear, nothing to indicate Shiro had spoken to him.

"No. I haven't." Shiro hung his head. "I actually needed to talk to you about this. I just wasn't going to bring it up when you were already upset."

"Talk Shiro, upset seems pretty normal and minor on this trip." Keith tried to smile.

"Well, as I said I've been getting Kuron's memories kind of all back here and there and mixed up, so it took me awhile to figure it out." Shiro still wouldn't look up at Keith.

"Figure what out?" Keith narrowed his eyes.

"I think, no I know, Kuron and Lance were involved."

"Involved in what?" Keith asked suspiciously.

Shiro looked up at Keith incredulously and just stared for a moment, "Involved involved Keith, romantically."

"Oh." Keith's teeth clicked shut and his face blanked of any emotion. "And do you think he feels that way still? Do you?"

"No. Keith, it's not like they are my feelings, they were his and he cared for Lance very much, but since you brought me back and told me we were heading to Earth…I just keep thinking it's my opportunity for a second chance with Adam. Keith, I'm sorry. I know Kuron knew how you felt about Lance, but you were gone and they were there and I'm sorry." Shiro didn't know what else to say. Some other version of himself had gone after the guy he knew his brother was in love with and it just made it more clear to him that him and Kuron were actually different people.

"You don't need to apologize Shiro, it wasn't even you." Keith continued to stare blankly at the wall. "You should probably talk to him though."

"I know. I just needed to say that to you first. I know he still has feelings for Allura anyway, and with Lotor out of the picture, well he'll probably try again." Shiro offered sadly.

"Yeah, he's nothing if not persistent." Keith wiped a tear that slid down one cheek.

"You could tell him how you feel. Give him another option?"

"I really can't, Shiro. Not right now. Everything is too messed up. Maybe someday." Keith bowed his head. In his mind someday was never. It was never going to be the right time and it was never going to work.

Shiro seemed to read his mind and wrapped him into another hug, "I wish I could make this right for you."

***

"Hey buddy!" Hunk smiled up at Lance who came wondering over to the fire followed by Coran. Lance gave him an easy smile and plopped down between Pidge and Romelle.

"What's cooking? It smells great." Lance closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose.

"I have some of that alien bread potato thing roasting and we have some veggie fritters and pink sort of tomato soup." Hunk smiled proudly at his latest creation. Being able to coax passable meals out of the supplies they had and what they found was a point of pride for him.

"Hunk let me mix up the fritters," Romelle added with a shiny smile. "He says I may have talent for cooking."

"Well, then you must because he would know." Lance turned to her with a grin. "I don't know of anyone who can cook like Hunk, except maybe my mom."

"Oh, my mother was a horrible cook. She once set the kitchen on fire trying to make breakfast for us when father was ill. You should have seen his face when he came out of the bedroom and we were all stomping out the flames with soot all over our faces." She laughed lightly. It was good to remember them without feeling so broken. It honored them.

Coran ruffled her hair as he walked by and moved to set with Allura. Hunk began passing out the bowls of soup and then passed around the baskets containing the fritters and the bread stuff. As he was doing that Keith and Shiro joined sitting just back from everyone on a box. Hunk gave them a quizzical look, but Keith just shrugged and thanked him for the food.

They finished the meal in relative peace. They were worn from the battle and with Krolia gone it felt like one of them was missing.

"Someone should tell a story." Romelle piped up. "Coran, do you have one?"

"I have one." Lance offered quietly.

"Really?" Romelle squealed and turned to face him. "Please," she begged with a huge smile.

"Sure, my abuela used to tell it to us kids sometimes when we gathered around a bonfire on the beach. And these guys reminded me of it." Lance patted one of the mice who had come and settled on his lap. He was prone to feeding them crumbs and they were nibbling bread and looked up in interest. "It's just a kids story, but the mouse is very brave and there is a lion in it, too."

"I want to hear it." Allura perked up. The mice squeaked in agreement.

"Okay. There was a mighty lion, he was huge and strong and proud. He had a beautiful mane and soft tawny fur. One day the lion lay asleep in a grassy plain, his mighty head resting on his paws. A tiny grey, timid mouse accidently crossed his path. When he saw the lion, he was afraid and tried to run away as quickly as possible. But because he was afraid he ran right across the Lion's nose. This, of course, woke the lion and he trapped the mouse under his huge paw in anger." Lance covered the mice with his hand and they squeaked in protest, but he just grinned and moved his hand.

"The mouse begged, 'Please don't kill me. Please let me go and someday I will repay you.'"

"The lion thought that it was pretty funny to think a little mouse would ever be able to help him, but he wasn't a bad lion and he was generous, so he let the mouse go." The mice clamored up Lance's arm so they could be closer to him as he told the story.

"Time passed and the lion forgot about the mouse. He was stalking through the forest, hunting for his next meal when he was caught in a hunter's net. He roared and tried to free himself, but he could not. The mouse heard his roars and quickly found the lion trapped in the net. He ran to him and gnawed through the ropes until they parted and freed the lion."

"The mouse bowed to the lion, his debt filled. He said, 'You laughed when I said I would repay you, but now you see that even a mouse can help a lion.'"

"Do mice really speak on Earth?" Coran asked curious.

Lance laughed, "No sorry, Coran, it's not a true story. It's a fable. They are made up stories to teach children lessons."

"Oh, and what is the lesson for this one?" Romelle wondered.

"Simple, kindness is never wasted." Lance smiled and patted each of the mice on the head. "Also mice can help lions, right guys?"

They took turns telling stories after that. Romelle told something like an Altean fairy tale. Coran told a funny, well at least Allura thought it was funny, story. Hunk told a funny, well at least Lance thought it was funny, story. Pidge told a scary story, complete with the flashlight under her chin. Keith and Shiro both declined to share. Allura told a romance in some form of Altean poetry.

"I liked that Allura, I always liked poems." Lance hummed.

"Is there a lot of poetry on Earth?" Allura inquired looking genuinely interested.

"Sure, all different kinds and lengths and types. Some are funny, some tell stories, some just pretty, some romantic, some sad, pretty much anything you could think of there is probably some kind of poem about it. I guess humans like to write." Lance rambled a bit. He was sleepy and it was nice just to talk.

"Do you have any memorized?" Allura wondered.

"Um, I guess there was one I memorized for class once, but it's one of the sad ones." Lance frowned.

"Oh, if you don't want to you don't have to." Allura backed off, not wanted to ruin Lance's good mood.

"It's okay, I don't mind, It is a good poem. It's just sad. Actually, I'd rather not do that one, but I thought of a different one by the same author if you like?" Allura nodded and Lance smiled and closed his eyes before he started to recite.

_"Oh me! Oh life! Of the questions of these recurring,_  
_Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill'd with the foolish,_  
_Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)_  
_Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew'd,_  
_Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,_  
_Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,_  
_The question, O me! So sad, recurring - What good amid these, O me, O life?"_

Lance paused dramatically and was surprised to hear another voice deliver the final lines of the answer.

_"That you are here - that life exists and identity,_  
_That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse."_

Keith smiled softly at Lance as he finished the poem. Lance gave him a small smile in return.

"Walt Whitman." Shiro offered also smiling.

"That was lovely." Allura gushed.

"Keith does poems?" Pidge asked in a mock shocked voice.

"It was one of my dad's favorites." Keith spoke in a sad nostalgic voice that stopped even Pidge from teasing him.

"When we get to Earth, Allura, we can download you books and books of poems to read while the new castle gets built." Lance wondered what it would be like being on Earth again, seeing everyone, all the things that almost didn't even seem real anymore. He was almost surprised to feel the smile remain on his lips. He was really looking forward to it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check tags for warnings. I add new ones as the story progresses and I'd never want to cause anyone issues.
> 
> Also desparate for some feedback on this story. I haven't had a comment on it in ages and I'm needy.

"So poetry?" Shiro asked catching up to Lance as he walked away from the fire.

"What can I say, I'm a man of many hidden interests, mysterious even." Lance shrugged surprised by Shiro's approach, he'd been pretty sure the older man had been avoiding him over the last few days.

"I was wondering if we could, maybe talk?" Shiro gestured up to Black and Lance got the hint, in private.

"Yeah, have you been talking to Hunk?" He narrowed his eyes as he walked up into Black.

"No. Why?" Shiro frowned.

"Nothing. It's fine. I guess I've been wanted to ask you about something, too. Just kind of seemed like you were avoiding me." Lance blushed and why wouldn't Shiro avoid the weakling that tried to off himself.

"Well, I may have been, it's confusing having Kuron's memories and I needed some time to sort through them, figure out some of them." Shiro spoke quietly as they walked into his bunk and he swung the door closed.

Lance tried really hard not to flinch, but he knew Shiro still noticed from the pained look on his face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say and I didn't want to say the wrong thing." Shiro finished with his hand wrapped around the back of his neck looking awkward.

"It's okay. What was it you wanted to talk about?" Lance sat down at the edge of Shiro's bed, not comfortable and wary.

"Maybe you should go first?" Shiro blushed. He had no idea what he was going to say or how Lance was going to take it and he was afraid of making him feel worse, when he'd been doing well the last few days.

"Oh." Lance took a deep breath. "I…," he licked his lips and looked up at Shiro with tears in his eyes. "I really need to know if you remember something."

"Okay. Just ask." Shiro's brows knit together wondering if this was something the parasite had done or said to make Lance feel bad.

"I…fuck." Lance stood up and started pacing. "This really shouldn't be this hard, but it's like you're him but not him and you know or don't know and I…I am a fucking mess." His arms waved about wildly as he moved from one side of the room to the other.

Shiro stood and wrapped an arm around his left side to still at least one arm. Lance froze and turned until they were face to face.

"Ah screw it." Lance leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Shiro's lips. Shiro froze, he didn't move or respond. Lance pulled away and threw himself against the door.

"Lance! Stop!" Shiro reached for him over his shock. "Please?"

"It's pretty clear you didn't remember that Shiro, which means it wasn't Kuron, but the…I mean I thought it was him and…quiznak what if it wasn't ever him…" Lance slid down the door and collapsed in a pile on Shiro's floor shoulders jerking as he sobbed.

"Lance?" Shiro knelt and crawled over next to him, rubbing his back slowly. "Hey, no. It was Kuron. I remember."

Lance lifted a tear stained, but hopeful face to look at Shiro, "You do?"

"Yeah, you just surprised me a bit is all." Shiro gave him a half grin and huffed a little laugh.

"So, it was him?" Lance sat up.

"Yeah, it was him." Shiro kept rubbing Lance's back and he could feel the boy relaxing under him hand. "He truly cared for you."

"Really?" Lance sniffled.

"Yes, really." Shiro gave him an easier smile. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"Sometimes," Lance admitted sadly.

"Oh, Lance." Shiro pulled him into a soft hug. "You are such a kind hearted and brave person. You deserve to be loved, anyone that thinks otherwise is an idiot."

Lance laughed lightly and pressed his face into Shiro's shoulder.

"I wish you knew how important you were to all of us. How much you mean to this team, not just as a paladin, but as our friend, our family." Shiro continued holding him close.

"It's been a rough year." Lance sighed.

"Okay, so possibly you are gunning for understatement of the year now?" Shiro tried to joke.

"I suppose." Lance chuckled and pulled back. He looked in Shiro's eyes seemingly searching for something and when he didn't find it he looked away with a frown.

"What is it?" Shiro reached for him.

Lance sighed, "I was afraid it was the parasite and that he didn't feel that way, that'd I'd used him."

Shiro's eyes teared up and he pulled him in for another hug. "No, absolutely not."

"I cared for him too, you know, and it wasn't like it was serious, I mean not yet. I wasn't ready for that and I don't think he was either, but I thought maybe someday it could have been." Lance shrugged. "And you look so much like him, and act like him, but you aren't him. It just, I don't know, it wasn't you." Lance looked up at Shiro with a sad smile.

Shiro wiped his tears with his hand and leaned in to place a soft kiss on his cheek. "I know, but if I'd been there, it could have been. You know that right?"

Lance shook his head no, but a smile lingered.

"If I'd been in Kuron's shoes I completely could have fallen for you." Shiro sat down next to Lance and bumped his shoulder. "This is weird."

"So entering the understatement contest?" Lance smiled widely.

"Sure." Shiro nodded.

"So where does that leave us, other than weird?" Lance raised an eyebrow.

"Well we're going back to earth…"

"And Adam." Lance finished.

"And Lotor is gone, so Allura…" Shiro looked at him significantly.

"Yeah, Allura." Lance frowned.

"What have you changed your mind?" Shiro asked in what might have sounded too eager if Lance had been paying closer attention.

"What? Oh, no, actually I was thinking about her tonight. She really liked my poem. I just don't want to push, you know. I don't want to be Mr. Rebound guy."

Shiro nodded, "You deserve to be someone's first choice."

"Yeah, maybe. Someday." Lance smiled a far away look in his eyes, not realizing he'd echoed words Shiro had already heard early that night. They sat in companionable silence for a long time, before Shiro tried to stand and nearly fell.

"Okay there, old man?" Lance hopped up laughing.

"My leg fell asleep," Shiro joined him laughing and accepted a hand up. "I guess I am getting too old for this."

"Pfft!" Lance waved him off. "I was kidding. You're not even thirty Shiro, give yourself a break. You're what only 7 now, and hey, does a birthday on the astral plane even count? And how old is this body anyway, maybe you're more like one and a half?" Lance was backing out of the door with a grin as his face as Shiro growled a little. "Catch me if you can, old man?" He challenged and took off down Black's ramp and out into the camp.

Shiro roared with laughter and chased after him as he circled around the campfire. Pidge and Hunk laughed at their antics while Romelle looked confused. Keith casually tripped Lance as he went by allowing Shiro to catch up and wrap his arm around him, picking him up off the ground.

"Old man?"

"Very fit old man?" Lance laughed.

"Shiro, please don't break him." Allura cautioned patting him on the back as she walked back to Blue for the night.

Coran smiled broadly and noticed other smiles around the campfire. It had been far too long since they had heard Lance laugh like that. He felt a tension leave his body that he didn't even realize he'd been carrying. That laugh gave him hope for Lance, for all of them, that someday they would be okay.

***

As nice as hope and laughter are, they don't miraculously cure months of abuse or mental illness. Two nights later they had stopped on another planet for a break and Shiro woke the camp screaming. He'd fallen asleep under the stars and when he woke from his nightmare of the astral plane it had seemed like he had still been there. Keith had tried for nearly a varga to get him calmed down, but had ended up getting Coran to get him a mild sedative. Coran had been watching Lance at the time, which left the young man with too much time and too much anxiety on his hands.

Shiro's screams were so loud they seemed to echo in Red. Lance covered his ears. Coran had told him to stay put. He said they didn't want to crowd or embarrass Shiro. They'd all heard his nightmares before. He'd had them when they first arrived on the castle and the old protocol had been for one or two people to gently wake him. The first time they'd all crowded in and it had only made it worse, harder for him to wake up from the dream with so many people and so much noise around him.

Lance didn't know why he was still screaming though, it seemed like it had been an hour. It was clear that the old protocol was not working. He crept down the ramp and peeked out to see what was up. Keith was trying to hold Shiro, who was thrashing violently and screaming.

"I'm here! Please! Please! I'm here! Don't leave me here! Black, please, tell them!" Shiro sobbed and screamed and Lance's heart broke all over again. He was dreaming about the astral plane.

Lance shook his head and slipped back up into Red. He could vaguely hear her in the back of his mind growling lowly at his mood. They said it wasn't his fault. They had all said it, but it was so hard to believe when he was watching Shiro suffer.

His breath stuttered and his heart pounded. It was like his chest was trying to collapse in on itself. He reached under his mattress and pulled out the little kitchen blade he'd taken yesterday. He didn't remember taking it. He'd just realized he had it when he got back to his room and embarrassed had stashed it under his mattress. Now he just needed to breath. He sat on his bed and pulled his pants down to his knees drawing the little blade between scars on his left thigh. Not too deep, just a thin line of red, he could feel his heart beat slowing down. He draw another deeper and another and another. His breathing slowed and he felt a sort of calm wash over him as the pain danced up his leg and the blood dripped red. After five slices he wiped the blade and put it away. He used some of the cream Coran had been putting on his wrist and wiped it across the wounds. The bleeding stopped. He pulled his pants back on and laid back on the mattress.

He felt relieved and sleepy at first, but the longer he lay the guiltier he became. He'd done it again. How freaking weak did he have to be? Shiro needed the team and he was doing this and not helping. Wait? Lance sat up with a thought. Shiro needed the team. They were making a mistake.

Lance hurried down the ramp. Coran was giving Shiro a sedative.

"Lance?" Keith asked when he approached.

"I…um…I was thinking." Lance started looking unsure.

"Okay." Keith frowned at the sweat on his friends face and the nervous tremor in his hands.

Before we didn't want to crowd him, when he had dreams right?" Lance asked nervously.

"Right." Coran smiled encouragingly.

"Well it's just, if he's dreaming about the astral plane, I mean maybe that's the wrong thing to do? He was all alone there and I thought maybe…" Lance cut off looking up to see if the two understood.

A kind of dawning comprehension appeared on Keith's face and he looked so sad. He reached down and put both hands on Shiro's shoulders. The older man was still trembling even with the sedative.

"Shiro, I'm here. You're here. It's okay." Keith whispered. "Coran and Lance are here." Coran reached forward and put both hands on Shiro's legs. Lance came and knelt down to put both hands on his arm.

"You're not alone." Lance whispered.

Shiro seemed to relax finally, falling back into even rhythmic breathing.

"It was a good thought, Lance." Keith nodded to him. "Next time, we'll try everyone who's up come over and make sure he knows we are here. Thank you. What made you think of it?"

Lance sighed, "I…um…I was kind of freaking out and it just feels like I'm all alone when that happens and then I thought about Shiro being trapped…yeah." Lance was looking everywhere but at the two men he was speaking with.

"Lance?" Keith reached out a hand and put it on his arm. "You're not alone either. We're right here."

"I know. I just, well I panicked a little." Lance huffed face turning red.

"Lance, did you hurt yourself?" Coran asked evenly.

"I…" Lance started to lie it was on the tip of his tongue, but when he looked up and met Coran's eyes he just couldn't. "A bit."

Coran stood and took both of Lance's hands in his and helped him up.

"Keith, are you okay?" Coran turned to the Black Paladin.

"Go ahead." Keith signed and gave Lance an encouraging look. He wasn't happy Lance had hurt himself, but getting mad at him for telling the truth would also be the wrong move.

"Alright then, Number three, let's make sure you're okay and I'll need whatever you used." Coran put his hand on Lance's back and led him back to Red.

"Thank you, Lance." Keith offered as they left. He wasn't sure if it was for the advice on Shiro, or being honest, or both, but he felt like it needed to be said. Lance looked a little startled and the tears in his eyes started to fall, but he nodded at Keith anyway before disappearing into Red.


	20. Chapter 20

_Following the Journey within en route…_

A light blinked on Keith's console. Request for a private channel.

"Lance? Everything okay?" Keith asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, I um…I just needed to tell you I was sorry." Lance appeared on the screen looking a bit red in the face.

"Sorry?" Keith frowned. Romelle wasn't in the cabin with Lance. "Where's Romelle?"

"Oh probably outside the door with her ear pressed against it." Lance looked over his shoulder and a faint sound could be heard from the other side. "I asked her to give me a minute so I could talk to you in private."

"Okay." Keith was still a bit confused.

"Anyway, so yeah, I'm sorry for what I said when we were…you know…space crazy?" Lance grimaced. "Well more crazy than before anyway. I shouldn't have said that about you leaving."

"It's okay. I mean we all said stuff we didn't mean. Except Hunk, he's like a rock." Keith gave Lance a smile and hoped he understood he wasn't angry.

"Right, who would have though Hunk would be our beacon of mental stability when we left Earth? Should have known, he's always been strong." Lance smiled fondly thinking of his bud. "But the thing is I don't really think you abandoned us, but I know you do and I know you feel guilty about it and I…I really just said it to hurt you and I'm sorry about that."

"Oh." Keith blinked. He wasn't sure if that made it better or worse, but then they'd all been suffering and he couldn't really hold it against him. "It's okay, really. We all say stuff sometimes."

"Yeah. I just wanted to let you know before we got home and things were crazy and everything." Lance ran his hand through his hair and looked sheepish.

"Lance?"

"Hmm?" Lance looked back up.

"I should have told you before, but I didn't mean what I said when we were stuck in that stupid place with Bob. That wasn't why I picked you. I was just pissed about the whole thing and mad at Bob and, well I didn't really think about what you would think hearing it." Keith rushed out the words before they could get stuck in his throat.

"So, why did you pick me?" Lance asked his bottom lip pulled in as he worried at it.

Keith blushed thinking how ridiculously adorable he looked just then and found himself having a hard time answering. "I…well…it's just you'd already been through so much and…"

"You felt sorry for me?!" Lance looked devastated.

"NO! No." Keith shook his head vehemently. "I…we're friends right?"

"I thought so." Lance offered unsure.

"Yeah, and I don't really have a lot of those and well…damn I'm not good at this." Keith forced out a laugh.

"You really aren't." Lance gave him a tentative smile.

"You're my friend and after everything I wanted you to get home. I wanted you to be with your family again. I know how much they mean to you and yeah." Keith's words seemed to have run out and he didn't know what else to say. Sure that wasn't the whole real reason, but it seemed safe enough.

"That's nice, sweet." Lance's smile grew. "Um…thanks?"

"Okay, yeah. Now I'm going to turn this off and you're going to let Romelle back in and I'm going to avoid any other talks about feelings for about a week or something."

Lance laughed openly and yelled for Romelle to come back in before toggling off the channel. Keith took several calming breaths and focused back on their breakneck speed hurtling them home. He could feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, but he held them back. It would have been so easy to just tell him, but it wasn't the right time. Keith needed to hold the team together now, he couldn't worry about his feelings. He was nearly certain that telling Lance how he felt right now would cause a rift in Voltron that he'd never be able to repair. Black soothed into his mind drawing him back toward her. She neither supported nor denied his decision only offered him her comfort. She was infinite and vast and she assured him all things find their way in time. It would work out as it was supposed to, he only needed to be patient.

***

_During Know Your Enemy…_

Lance sighed, he'd been sitting on the bed in the exam room for over an hour. Apparently Iverson had gone all soft while they were gone and had greeted them and let them see their families, those who were there. Lance grimaced thinking about the look on Hunk's face. He'd been ready to just let them back in and get to work. Then Admiral Sanda had arrived and it was back to by the book. Isolation, medical exam, interrogation, blah blah blah. They had to make sure they weren't carrying some kind of weird alien bugs or brainwashed or some crap. Being that the Galra already occupied the entire planet accept this point, Lance kind of thought they needed to throw this outdated book out the window. Shiro had agreed to the medical check ups, but no cuffs, no drugs, and no interrogations. Sanda caved to the pressure of having their families and several of the other cadets and soldiers at the base already witness their return. It seemed Sanda was already on the outs with most of the base anyway.

Shiro had gone with Iverson to a different building when the exams had been called for, they had actually wanted to give him a more thorough exam, but Iverson had insisted that he needed to speak with Shiro first. He and Commander Holt escorted Shiro into the Commander's office. There was something they needed to tell him they had said.

Allura, Coran, and Romelle had been escorted to a different secured area. They were aliens after all and not yet trusted. Colleen had gone with them to assure they would be treated well.

So Lance found himself starring at a beige wall, sitting on an uncomfortable bed, waiting for someone to come and confirm he was human and not contagious or something. He huffed as he heard the guards shuffle in the hall. They'd each been escorted by two soldiers to their exam rooms.

It was almost another Varga when someone in a white lab coat stepped through the door.

"Okay, so you're Cadet McClain, right?" He looked up at Lance, who frowned at him.

"Lance." He offered.

"Sure, look I'm not usually on medical, they had to call in some of us to cover." He flipped through the chart he was carrying. "I'm just starting as a field medic. Actually too many of the trained guys are dead, thanks to the alien buddies you guys brought down on us."

Lance sucked in his breath through his teeth and glared. Was this guy kidding? How dare he?

"So I guess you're stuck with me. I just need to check you over and take your vitals. So, just take off your shirt and you can slip on the medical gown there and lose the pants."

"Anyone ever tell you that you have a great bedside manner?" Lance snarked.

"No." The coat frowned.

"Good cause they would have been lying." Lance was slipping his shirt off when the guy whistled low.

"What the fuck happened to you man? Seriously?" He moved closer to Lance, who flinched back. "Is that a fucking hand print?" He reached out like he was going to touch Lance, who was already as far away as he could lean. It was probably not a good choice.

Lance braced himself on the bed and kicked the idiot across the room. His eyes were wide and his breath was coming in gasps. The two soldiers from the hall heard the commotion and came in find the medic on the ground groaning and Lance in a defensive stance.

"Stand down, cadet." One of them yelled. Lance picked up a glass jar from the table and chucked it at him.

They moved into the room hands low, making to circle around until they flanked him, but Lance backed into the corner. The two shared a look and one pulled a taser from his holster.

It was at that moment that the shit really hit the fan, because one door down Pidge had heard the sounds of a fight. She walked into the room to Lance backed into a corner and a weapon pointed at him.

"Get the fuck away from him!" She screamed and leaped onto the back on the one with the taser, wrapping her arm around his neck and trying to hold him in a headlock as he tried to spin around and pull her off. Lance dove at the other guard tackling him to the ground. The two guards from Pidge's room came in and tried to pull Lance off. Hunk came storming into the room dragging his two guards who were trying to stop him and with a crack the Black Paladin and the wolf dropped into the middle of the fight. Guards poured in, back up was called, to be short it was an all out brawl.

Veronica had been walking back from her debrief with the MFE pilots when she passed the medical wing. As she was passing a sergeant came flying out of a window and the broken glass revealed the sounds and scenes of a fight. She made here way into the building swiping her ID at the door. As she entered the main area of the fight her heart thudding against her chest, because this was where they had taken Lance, she found the paladins circled in the middle of a storm of soldiers. She blinked because they were outnumbered five to one and they were still winning. Keith was a force of nature swirling some sort of staff, mabye a broken IV pole, and smashing anyone that got to close. Pidge delivered an uppercut a boxer would be proud of and dropped a guard. Hunk took a hit and seemed to stare back at the soldier before slamming a fist on top of the guys head and dropping him. Lance was working on the other side of the group and dropped to sweep a leg in a loop knocking back two opponents. The wolf, well she didn't know what he was doing other than sitting on some guy in a lab coat and growling. This was insane.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! STAND THE FUCK DOWN!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. The entire room seemed to silence as the eyes were turned to her. The paladins seemed to be panting and collapsing their circle inward, regrouping. The soldiers hesitated.

"If you need it made an order, consider it done." Iverson growled coming up behind Veronica with Commander Holt at his side. "Everyone that is not a paladin, needs to remove themselves from this room now!" The soldiers snapped to and quickly evacuated the room. The medic was the last one out.

"It was his fault!" He pointed to Lance. "He attacked me." He glared back at Lance who was doing his best to hide behind Hunk feeling quite exposed without his shirt.

"Fuck you." Lance snarled from behind Hunk as he found his shirt and quickly pulled it back over his head. It wasn't quick enough for Veronica's sharp eyes to miss the scarring that seemed to litter his torso.

"I think you should leave." Keith's eyes held the threat of more violence.

"They're all nuts!" The medic sputtered. "I should file a complaint."

"I would advise against that." Veronica spoke smoothly, her eyes as hard as stone.

The medic turned to the other two men and finding similar expressions backpedaled out of the room as quickly as he could.

"Well it's obvious you're all fit enough to fight. I'm calling an end to this farce." Commander Holt smiled at Katie. "Katie, if you and Hunk could come with me we will go and get the Alteans released as well. Keith, if you could go with Commander Iverson, he can take you to Shiro." There was something sad about the Commander's expression that instantly put Keith on alert.

"What's wrong?" He frowned.

"Just come with me son." Commander Iverson gestured to the door. "I'll explain on the way."

"Is Shiro okay?" Lance asked noticing the tension.

"Physically yes, he's just had some bad news." Iverson offered ushering a stuffed Keith from the room.

"Lance?" Veronica appeared at his side.

The others filtered out of the room and Lance wrapped Veronica up in a hug.

"Sorry about the fight." He smiled a little. "Guess you didn't know I was a total bad ass now?"

"Lance," she started frustration in her voice.

"What?" He frowned putting his hands up.

"What happened?" she tried.

"The guy was a jerk, Veronica." Lance snarled.

"Obviously, but since when do you attack jerks?" She watched him closely and could see the flinch and the fear in his eyes.

"Sorry. He just got…I didn't…I didn't want him to touch me." Lance finally sputtered.

"Okay." Veronica pulled him closer and tightened her hug. Her eyes filled with tears. What had happened to her baby brother? What were those scars from? Why did he react that way? Her analyst mind supplied her with hundreds of possible answers and not a one of them was something she wanted to consider.


	21. Chapter 21

"Let's get out of here." Veronica gave him a shove on his shoulder. He didn't seem too roughed up from the fight.

Lance looked around the exam room, "Yeah, outside somewhere."

"Okay, I know where."

They walked together in silence, shoulder to shoulder, out past the buildings and over the nearly empty airstrips. Just past the hangers was an area of open desert, still well back from the particle barrier, but away from the noise of the base and it's inhabitants. Veronica lifted a wooden pallet that sat at the base of a tree and pulled out a blanket. She tossed it over the pallet and sat down.

"So when did you get that mom voice? I swear I was ready to stand down or stand in the corner when you yelled." Lance joked.

"Eh, I guess it was inevitable that I'd at least partly turn into Mami someday." Veronica grimaced.

"I was so glad to see her." Lance wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "How did you get them here from Cuba, anyway?"

"Oh, I didn't get them from Cuba. When I found them they were already on their way here to save me." Veronica smiled.

"What?!"

"Oh, yeah, Lance. I am not the least surprised you turned out to be a bad ass." She smirked at his earlier comment. "You come from an entire family of bad asses."

"You have got to start at the beginning here for me. What happened? What do you mean to save you?" Lance smacked at her.

"Oh, well, okay." Veronica frowned.

"Veronica?" Lance paused with concern.

"We needed to get supplies to finish Atlas, and there was a supply depot and I knew how to get there." She looked over at him and patted his arm. "I'm okay." He squeezed her closer. "The MFE pilots and I went on the run. We got what we needed, but a Galra patrol came up on us as we were getting ready to go. I had to make sure the supplies and the pilots got back."

"Veronica, what did you do?" Lance whispered.

"I held them off, while they got away." She raised her chin and gave him a defiant glare. "They are the only trained MFE pilots we have and the supplies were the only way to finish the Atlas. I couldn't let them be captured. It just made sense, if someone had to stay behind it was me."

"Veronica." Lance's voice shook.

"I'm okay." She looked into his eyes. "I'm okay." He nodded back to her.

"What happened then?" He managed to ask.

"I was captured." She stated without much emotion. "I was in a Galra prison for about three months."

Lance's arm trembled around her and he pulled her even closer, "I am so sorry. We never wanted that to happen. We tried so hard to keep them away. I…"

"Hey," She put on hand on his chin and held him still. "Not your fault. We heard about what you guys have been facing out there. Commander Holt told us everything he knew. If it wasn't for you things would have been a lot worse."

"Yeah, but if it wasn't for us, they might never have come here." Lance remembered the words from the jerk medic earlier.

"Bullshit. I call bullshit on that. One they had already taken the Kerberos mission, two the Blue lion was here, and three they would have gotten here eventually just because they are galactic bullies who want to rule everything." Veronica hissed.

"Three months?" He asked.

"Yeah," her body shook slightly under his hand. "It sucked." She wiped a couple tears away and took a deep breath before continuing. "A rebel group got me out, took me to safety. I was there about a month when we heard about another rebel group moving into the area. Apparently they had traveled for a long way and were headed to the Garrison. I wasn't able to go out with the group, my leg was still healing up, but when they came back. Lance, you wouldn't believe how they looked. Papi, looking so proud and tough, in the lead followed by about fifty others, including our familia." Veronica had tears in her eyes, but a smile on her face. "Mami walked up to me. She said they had started coming my way as soon as the attack on Earth began. She said and I quote, 'I was not going to lose another baby to this war.'"

"I'm sorry." Lance choked through tears.

"Stop with the sorry, hermano, you are not to blame for any of this. We are all here, aren't we?" Veronica pulled him into a hug. "And I do not think we are the only ones that have suffered since you've been gone. I saw your scars before you got the shirt on, Lance." He stiffened in her arms.

"Oh." He breathed out like she'd punched him in the gut.

"Lance, can you tell me?" Veronica begged.

"I…I don't know, Veronica. It's all so much…too much." He shook his head as tears started to fall. "I don't even know where to start."

"Tell me one thing." She asked. "One thing today and tomorrow we'll talk again and you'll tell me one more thing and I'll tell you something that happened while you were gone, and we'll just keep talking until we know it all, yeah?" She kissed the top of his head. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." He hugged her tighter. "I don't know where to start."

"Why didn't you want him to touch you?" She asked slowly.

"Fuck, Veronica, jump right into the deep end why don't you?" Lance shivered violently and shook his head. "I…," deep breath, "I…fuck!" Lance wrapped his arms around himself and stood up and started pacing.

"I'm sorry. Lance, you don't have to tell me anything." Tears were running down her face and she was imaging all kinds of horrible things happening to her brother. Three months in a Galra prison can give a person a fair idea on the horrible things the universe has to offer.

"No. I want to try. I'm not trying to hide stuff from you. It's just hard to talk about." He seemed frustrated and continued his pacing. "Okay, got to start somewhere, right?" He nodded to himself. "He was making comments about my scars and tried to touch one." Lance shivered.

"Which one?" Veronica asked quietly.

"Well, I guess you saw already anyway." Lance slipped his shirt over his head and tried not to look at the sorrow on his sister's face.

"Oh hermano, lo siento, I'm so sorry." She turned a tear stained face to him.

"We're here right?" He took another breath. "This one." He pointed to a nearly perfect handprint on left side over his ribs. "This gets a little complicated, sis." He frowned and she nodded for him to explain. "When we fought Zarkon, Shiro disappeared right out of his lion. We thought he'd been abducted."

"But you got him back, Commander Holt told us." Veronica offered confused.

"Right, the thing is, we got back a clone." Veronica sucked in a breath, but waved for him to continue. "A clone that had what was like an evil split personality, designed by Haggar. We didn't find that out until later. At the time, I thought he was having flashbacks. He didn't ever remember what happened, but when he had a fit he'd get really mad or violent." Lance shivered again and looked at the ground. "His prosthetic would get really hot when he activated it. He burned me."

"What? I'll kick the shit out of him!" Veronica jumped up and would have marched back to the camp if Lance hadn't grabbed her.

"NO! Hey, listen. That was the thing Haggar made and if you wanted to blame the clone, the guy back in the camp isn't him either. The clone died. The parasite died. We put the real Shiro back in the clone's body." Lance explained quickly.

"You…what?" Veronica sat back down and took a minute to process, but she was good with data and it didn't take her but a moment to put it in order. "Okay."

"Okay. The clone was with us for about a year. We found out the evil parasite thing in him was actually trying to break up Voltron per Haggar's instruction. He drove Keith away and he was working on breaking up the team by messing with me." Lance pulled his shirt back on and sat down next to her.

"This went on for a year." Veronica felt sick. "Why didn't anyone notice, why didn't you tell them?"

"I thought I was protecting them. I thought I was protecting Shiro. He really didn't remember, the clone, Kuron, it wasn't his fault and we needed Voltron which meant we needed the Black Paladin. Shiro had done and suffered so much already. I just felt like I could deal with it to help him, help the universe? Sorry, that just sounds stupid. I was stupid." He sniffled looking at the ground again.

"No, it does not sound stupid! It sounds like my baby brother is a self sacrificing idiot, but not stupid." Veronica bumped his shoulder.

Lance actually laughed, "This from the big sister that got captured holding off the Galra so her team could escape?!"

Veronica chuckled low, "Okay, point. Are you okay?"

Lance wanted to just give her a flippant answer, but sitting here, knowing what she had been through, it didn't seem fair to lie, "No. Are you?"

"Most of the time." She answered slowly, "I've been seeing someone since we got back to the base."

"That's probably a good idea." He nodded. "Once this is all over and we can stop to breath again."

"That could be awhile Lance." She rubbed his arm with her hand. "Are you sure you can wait?"

"Don't have much choice, you can hire me a whole team of shrinks when I get back if it makes you feel better." He smiled back at her, even if it didn't reach his eyes.

"How about I see about getting you something while you're here? Even if it's just once or twice it might help?" Veronica offered.

"I don't want anyone else to know, not right now while we're in the middle of it, it would have to be off the books." Lance offered a compromise with a frown. He didn't object to the idea of seeing someone. He was well aware he needed help, but he also knew he couldn't risk losing the confidence of the leadership at the Garrison, not in the situation they were in.

"Actually, there is someone in the rebel group. Let me see what I can do, okay?" Veronica pulled him back into a hug. "I'm here too, you know. I meant it about talking everyday. If we aren't out on a mission or something we are meeting here at this time, got it?"

"Yeah, I got it, mom!" He stuck his tongue out at her.

"I'm serious." She met him with an even look.

"I know, Veronica, and I know I need help, the team's been doing what they can, but it's hard. I'm pretty messed up, hermana." The sorrow in his gaze was enough to break her heart.

"We're here, right? And we're alive. And everything after that we can handle. I mean, who could possible stop two bad ass McClain siblings?" She gave him a tearful smile.

"Not the entire Galra empire." Lance gave her a smirk and dove into her arms. They sat together and cried and then watched the sunset. On the way back to the base they passed Allura and Romelle walking with Coleen.

"Lance." Allura called. "Are you okay? I heard about the fight earlier. I've checked with everyone else, but I didn't know…oh hello, Veronica, right?"

"Yes." Veronica gave her an easy smile. "Sorry, needed some catch up time with my baby brother here."

"I'm okay, Allura." Lance answered her original question.

"Oh, good, Pidge and Hunk were going to bring some food to Shiro's quarters, Keith is there still. Coran will be joining us as well, he is touring the Atlas with Commander Holt." Allura looked sad.

"Why are you meeting there instead of the cafeteria? Are we still on lockdown?" Lance had intended to got back with Veronica to the flat his family was occupying on base, but maybe they weren't allowed.

"Oh, sorry, you didn't hear." Allura looked flustered for a moment, which was enough to fill Lance with dread because nothing flustered Allura.

"Hear, what?"

"A friend of Shiro's was killed in the counterattack that the Garrison attempted against the Galra, someone he was apparently quite close to. He is very upset." The breaking of her voice on the last sentence was enough to convey just how upset Shiro was.

"Allura, who?" Lance knew, he knew before she said it.

"Adam, his name was Adam." Romelle murmured the answer.

Lance felt his knees go weak and he would have fallen if it wasn't for Veronica.

"Lance?!" Veronica gasped.

"Sorry, it's just a bit…oh dios…I can't believe after everything. That is so unfair." Lance knew there were tears running down his face, but he didn't really care.

"Lance?" Allura asked putting a hand on his arm.

"They weren't just close, Allura, he loved him. He wanted to have another chance with him when he got back. He loved him."

"Oh, yes, I see," Allura blinked back her own tears. "He is being very strong. There were a lot of lives lost here and elsewhere on earth. We will stop Sendak." She turned her tears to a frown and glared up at the sky.

"Yeah, we will." Lance agreed. He turned to Veronica. "I'm sorry, Veronica, I need to be with them tonight, can you let Mami and Papi know?"

"Of course," She kissed his cheek, "I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

He nodded and watched as she walked away. He found himself with a pretty girl on each arm, walking back to Shiro's. He didn't really notice when Pidge's mom had left, but it didn't matter right now anyway. He needed to check in with Shiro. He tried to imagine how he would feel in Shiro's shoes and it felt like his soul shrank away from the very idea. It didn't seem like the universe was ready to cut them any slack at all. What more were they going to have to lose before this whole thing was over?


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh...so slow...sorry...Hope the next wait isn't as long

The sounds of things smashing and breaking alerted Keith to part of the problem before the door was even opened.

"Shiro?" Keith opened the door slowly. "Shiro, I'm coming in." The breaking sounds stopped and he could hear heavy breathing. It was dark inside, but that seemed to be because Shiro had busted the lamps. He was standing in the middle of the living room a table leg in his arm, shoulders heaving up and down, tears running down his face.

Keith stepped in. He turned and nodded to Commander Holt before closing the door quietly. He picked his way across the floor strewn with broken bits of the coffee table, shattered glass from the lamps and whatever else came with this generic apartment.

"Shiro?" Keith reached out his hand and softly pulled the table leg out of Shiro's hand and let it drop to the floor.

"He's dead." Shiro whispered.

"I know." Commander Holt had filled him in on the walk over. Keith had his own tears streaked down his cheeks.

"I can't believe he's gone." Shiro raised his face to Keith's like he was begging for him to say it was some kind of mistake, some kind of horrible dream.

Keith slipped his hand into Shiro's and gave it a squeeze.

"I always thought when I got back, we'd figure it out. I thought that when I left for Kerboros. I thought it when we left in Blue. I thought he'd be here and we'd fight and he'd yell, but I knew he loved me and we would make it work." Shiro's words poured out unevenly interspersed with sobs.

"He was supposed to be here." He gritted his teeth and yelled harsh and full of pain. "I was supposed to get my happy ending, Keith, after everything I've been through. We were supposed to get back and everything was going to be the same and I was going to be happy." Shiro fell to his knees. "I was going to be happy." He sobbed.

Keith fell to his knees next to him and wrapped his arms around him. He rocked him gently back and forth while he cried. It seemed his presence was the only comfort he had to give.

Eventually, he was able to get him up and moved to the bedroom. He got him to lay on the bed. Shiro was wrung out and shaking and followed Keith's lead. He curled up on his side in the bed and Keith threw a blanket over his shoulders.

"Can I get you anything?" Keith whispered.

"No." Shiro just seemed hollow, like there wasn't anything in him.

"Okay, I'm just going to sit here with you then, if that's okay, at least until you fall asleep?" Keith stroked the back of Shiro's hand and then pulled a chair over to sit at the side of the bed. "Just rest. You need to rest."

Keith sat and watched until exhaustion won and Shiro's eyes slid shut. He stood stretched out stiff muscles and rearranged the blanket. In the outer room, Allura, Romelle, and Coran were cleaning the broken furniture. Hunk and Pidge had gone to get replacements.

"How is he, Keith?" Allura asked when he came out.

"Sleeping, finally." Keith wiped a tired hand across his face.

"And how are you?" Allura asked stepping close and looking into his eyes.

Keith laughed a bitter sound, "Me?"

"Adam was your friend as well, yes?" Allura asked kindly.

"Yeah, he was." Keith drew in a deep breath. "I just feel numb. I'm not hurt like Shiro. I don't know…" Keith seemed to pause his eyes far away. "He was a good guy. He was nice to me and didn't mind when I was hanging around Shiro or when Shiro helped me out. He tutored me through a class once." Keith smiled fondly in remembrance, "I was a total jerk about it, too."

"When Shiro disappeared, when the Kerberos mission was reported missing…he tried to reach me. He'd invite me over and tried to get me to let go." Keith sighed. "I wasn't very kind to him. He was hurting. I was hurting. It wasn't a good combination. I didn't even say goodbye to him the day I was kicked out of the Garrison." Keith didn't even realize he was crying again until Allura reached up and wiped his cheek.

"Come, sit." Allura led him over to the couch.

Romelle pressed a hot tea into his hands. He found himself bringing it to his lips and sipping without really even thinking about what he was doing. He took another sip and turned to nod his thanks to Romelle. She smiled softly at him and patted his shoulder before sitting down next to him. Allura sat on the other side. Keith sipped the cup until it was gone, he felt warm and tired and soon found his eyes drifting shut.

"It's okay to sleep Number four, we'll wake you if he stirs." Coran patted his knee. "Rest while you can."

***

Keith woke sometime later to find Hunk sitting next to him. There was new furniture and lamps. He'd slept through furniture moving, frowning he looked over to Hunk.

"Did Coran slip something in that tea?" He asked.

"Nope, you're just wrung out man. It's been kind of a long day." Hunk patted him on the shoulder.

"Is Shiro up?" He looked back at the door to the bedroom.

"No, not really. He sort of woke up about an hour ago and Pidge talked him in to drinking some water and then he was back out again."

"Okay." Keith sighed. He felt like he should have been up when Shiro was, but part of him was dreading seeing him look so broken again. "Where'd Allura, Romelle, and Coran go?"

"Pidge's folks came over with us and the furniture. Allura and Romelle went with her mom to find Lance. Coran went with Commander Holt to check out the Atlas." Something about Hunk's voice when he mentioned Pidge's parents made him pull the big guy in for a hug.

Hunk didn't hesitate a moment and squeezed him tight before sighing and letting go.

"We're going to find your parents." Keith promised.

"I know. Thanks." Hunk nodded and wiped a tear from his face. "Pidge and I were going to go get some food when you woke up. I was thinking pizza?"

"Okay, I don't really feel hungry, but you're right we should eat. I'll go let Pidge know I'm up so you can go." Keith stood and stretched, pausing only for a moment at the doorway to gather himself before going into the bedroom.

Shiro was sleeping, so Pidge just nodded. She laid his hand back on the bed. She had apparently been holding it. As she walked by she gave Keith a quick side hug. Keith closed the door and went back to sit on the couch and wait for either Shiro to wake up or the others to return.

Keith had zoned out and was just staring at the wall when Lance entered with Allura and Romelle.

"I'm sorry, man. I didn't know. I was with my sister." Lance apologized.

"You needed to spend time with her and your family, Lance." Keith waved off his concern. "He's slept most of the time anyway. I think he's walking though, I heard him move just a couple ticks ago." Keith stood and walked over to Lance. "Are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, I'm okay." Lance looked surprised and then just gave Keith a shy smile. "Talking to Veronica was good."

"I'm glad, I hadn't seen you since our little training exercise this morning." Keith smiled.

"Oh is that what you are calling it now?" Allura raised an eyebrow.

"Of course, it's either that or the Garrison admits four ex-cadets and a space wolf trounced thirty of their finest." Keith nodded, giving Lance a wink.

***

"Shiro." Lance whispered, moving into the bedroom to let Shiro know he was here.

"Lance." Shiro answered with his name, not turning from where he sat on the bed, staring at the wall.

Lance climbed up on the bed and sat next to him, letting their shoulders touch.

"The worst part is I left him. Do I even get to feel this way? He asked me to stay and I chose what I wanted, the mission over him. He wanted me to stay to be safe, but I left him and he died. He wasn't ever supposed to die." Shiro's hand pulled at the blanket between them. "I was supposed to die, not him. I was supposed to get hurt not him. Was this my fault? Would he have been okay if I'd stayed?"

"Shiro, of course you get to feel this way. You can feel any damn way you want." Lance answered passionately. "And would things be different, hell I just had that conversation with my sister and the answer is no. The Galra would still have come. If you'd never gone to space there wouldn't be a Garrison standing, we wouldn't have a chance to fight them," Lance put his hand and Shiro's chin and turned him so that their eyes met. "Don't tell me you wouldn't have been in that first wave of fighter pilots right alongside him if you'd been here."

Shiro looked away and nodded. His body shuddered with a long sigh.

"I thought it would be different. I thought we were coming home, but we're still fighting. We still haven't won." Shiro seemed to shake himself awake.

"No. I suppose we aren't. I don't know if we'll ever be done." Lance answered quietly.

"No fairy tale happy endings?" Shiro murmured.

"Heh, knew you were a Disney man at heart." Lance bumped his shoulder into Shiro's. "Who knows what's out there Shiro, maybe we don't get a happy ending, maybe we ride off into the sunset, maybe Pidge accidently blows up the stove out there and kills us all tonight?"

Shiro chuckled and turned to see where Lance was going with this.

"I've been dead, you've been dead, we've seen stuff most people never dream of, both good and bad, and you know what - still here, still breathing. I'm not okay, you're not okay, but here we are still breathing; and we've both been worse than that." Lance gave Shiro a tired smile and leaned his head onto his shoulder. In the other room he could here the door opening and the sounds of Pidge and Hunk's return.

Shiro leaned back slipping his arm around Lance and laying his head on top of Lance's head. After awhile the smell of pizza drifted into the bedroom. Shiro laughed when Lance's stomach growled loudly.

"Betrayed." Lance said scandalized.

"Hungry?" Shiro asked with a smile.

"Possibly, possibly there is real pizza out there with real cheese and real Earth ingrediants." Lance looked toward the door with longing.

"Then we should go get some, yes?" Shiro climbed down and Lance scrambled over to make sure he got up okay. "I'm not an invalid." Shiro announced with an eyebrow raised. "And I'm pretty sure I established that I am not an old man."

"True, very true." Lance nodded solemnly. "However, you are allowed to need a friend to lean on, every once in awhile." He announced playfully as he slid under Shiro's arm and put his arm around his shoulder.

"I can live with that." Shiro relaxed as he stepped out into the living room. He was still hurting, nothing was going to stop that, but he was ready to face what was coming.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is like a set of missing scenes, the episode for each is noted prior

from Know Your Enemy

***

"What do you mean, they're not here? Where did they go?" Lance snapped at Veronica, who looked somewhat uncomfortable.

"I can't tell you. I promised." She looked over at her angry brother, who was now pacing his room.

"Veronica!" He turned throwing his arms up. "What the hell!"

"Just calm down." She tried to quiet him. She'd promised not to tell, but Lance was starting to draw attention and if he didn't quiet down she was going to be forced to explain to someone else. "If you'll just be quiet I'll tell you." She closed the door. And sat on the bed, waving Lance over.

"Talk." He hissed.

"I put them in contact with someone from the rebel group I worked with. They are going to find Hunk's parents." She whispered.

"And you just let them go, just the two of them! They should have back up, they should have someone that can cover them, at least I should have gone with them. Why wouldn't they want…" Lance cringed, running his hands through his hair, he stopped and grabbed it and pulled.

"Lance, stop." Veronica pulled at his hands.

"Stop?!" He looked over at her, his eyes wide and pained. "Get out!" He face contorted in anger. "Get out, Veronica!"

Veronica backed away to the door, tears pouring down her face, "I'm sorry, okay, they'll be fine. They just needed to go and it needed to be quiet."

"Right, crazy people aren't quiet." Lance picked up a lamp and chucked it against the wall listening to it smash with satisfaction.

"Lance, I'm sure that's not it. They didn't take Pidge either or Allura." Veronica tried again, hands raised. She'd never in her life been afraid of her brother, but right now she wasn't sure.

"I know I'm not being reasonable. I should calm down." Lance spat sarcasm dripping from his words. "Well fuck that." He turned and kicked the bed so hard it slid over into the wall. He stared around the room like he was looking for something. "Hunk and Keith are out there and they could be in danger and I'm here." Lance spun around a couple of times and then turned to stride out of the room, putting an arm out to block Veronica as he passed by.

He stalked down the hall anger rolling off of him in waves. Veronica followed at a distance. She pulled her communicator from her pocket and quickly dialed Pidge. Lance turned and entered the gym. He walked over to the heavy bag, growled something at the person who had been using it and began pummeling it without mercy for it or his hands.

"Hello?" Pidge's voice answered and her picture popped up on the screen.

"Pidge, can you?" Veronica started looking distraught. "I need help with Lance." She spun the phone around so that Pidge could see him. He'd been dressed in his casual clothes when Veronica spoke with him, so he was wearing sweats and a t-shirt and tennis shoes and he was punching the shit out of the heavy bag.

"What?" Pidge questioned. "Doesn't matter, I'm coming." She hung up.

A few minutes later Pidge arrived at the gym. Veronica had cleared everyone else out. Lance had worked up a sweat and split more than a couple knuckles judging by the blood on the heavy bag. Veronica quickly explained the situation to Pidge, who in turn also glared at her. Pidge drew in a deep breath, threw back her shoulders and marched over to Lance. The next punch he threw she caught with her hand.

He turned to look at her shocked and angry to be stopped. "Pidge," he growled.

"If they're not back in twenty dobashes we are going to go out there and get them. And if they get back before that we are going to make them regret ever leaving us behind." She met his eyes evenly, her mouth set in a thin line.

"Yeah, okay." Lance nodded.

"To do that, you need to get it together. You're bleeding." She gently used her other hand to open the fist she still held, turning it other to show the bleeding knuckles.

"Oh." Lance seemed surprised by the blood.

Pidge guided him over to a bench. Veronica had already pulled the first aid kit from the wall and was ready to clean and wrap his hands as soon as he was seated. Lance was staring down at his hands and Pidge was sitting behind him, her arms wrapped around his waist. Veronica looked over Lance's shoulder to her and mouthed "Thank you". Pidge nodded, tightening her grip on Lance and burying her face into his neck.

**********

From Heart of the Lion

***

Shiro was finally settled into a recovery room and they were allowed to see him for a few moments. The surgery had been eventful to say the least, but Allura had managed to save him. Of course, the doctors said they had been concerned about damage caused by the energy feedback and one had offhandedly mentioned that Shiro's heart had stopped at one point.

Keith had claimed the chair by Shiro's side and no one denied him the right. Pidge and Allura had plopped into a couch at the side of the room. Lance and Hunk were leaning against the wall. The nurse had said they could have ten minutes, but they were all reluctant to leave. On the castle they would stayed all they liked, being forced to leave didn't set right. The staff hadn't even let Romelle and Coran in, protesting rather vehemently at five going in. But Allura had stared them down and at least they'd been allowed to enter.

Keith took Shiro's hand in his and for most of the time, they just watched him breathe. It was comforting, in a people die and it sucks and at least he's still alive kind of way. The nurse came by three times to tell them to get out. The last time she told them they were impeding his recovery.

Hunk sighed, lifted himself from the wall and walked over to Shiro's side, "Feel better, Shiro." Hunk put his hand on his good shoulder for a few minutes and then turned to go with only a small sniffle.

Allura came up behind Hunk and kissed Shiro on the forehead before following Hunk out of the room.

"Get better, Space Dad, or I'm going to fucking curse up a shit storm." Pidge laughed lightly patting his hand. Shiro's face twitched a little and she laughed a little easier.

Lance walked up next, he leaned down and whispered into Shiro's ear, "This whole dying thing isn't a contest, you know." He leaned his cheek against Shiro's and then stood pausing to meet Keith's eyes. Keith had a unidentifiable look on his face and Lance lingered trying to figure it out.

"Go ahead, I'll be right there." Keith offered, breaking eye contact.

"Okay." Lance shrugged.

"Shiro, I'm glad you are okay." Keith hugged him gently. "I'll be back as soon as Nurse Ratched let's me back in, or sooner if I can get Cosmo to pop me in."

Keith stepped out of the room and closed the door. The others were waiting in the hall. He wrapped his arms about Allura and gave her a quick hug.

"I'll keep an eye on him." She promised. "They cannot deny me access to check on his arm." She added with a cheeky grin.

"Thank you, Allura." Keith sighed and let the tension leave his body. The crisis was past, time to move on to the next one.

********

From Heart of the Lion

***

"Lance, please." Hunk looked over at him. They were going on a mission to try to figure out what was going on at the construction sites the day after tomorrow and Hunk needed to clear the air.

"I told you, I'm fine." Lance frowned back at Hunk.

"But you're still mad." Hunk stated looking sad.

"I was just worried." Lance muttered. "I'm not used to you guys running off without me, well I guess Keith, but not you."

"I'm sorry, really! We were just trying to hurry. You know that. I needed to see them and I couldn't wait." Hunk pleaded for him to understand.

"I get it. I do, Hunk, and I'm glad you got to see them and I'm so sorry you couldn't get them and bring them back…just please, please don't leave me behind again." Lance looked up at him with tears in his eyes. "I don't know what I'd do without you." Lance turned and wrapped his arms around Hunk. "I can't protect you when I'm not there."

Hunk laughed with Lance against his chest, "Okay, but I get to protect you too, Hermano. Now, I thought you were going to have supper with your family tonight?"

"Yeah, I am, I was just getting ready to go." Lance hadn't let go of Hunk yet.

"Lance, you haven't been over for a meal with your family, yet. I know you and Veronica have been talking and you've seen them, but you need to go over and spend some time." Hunk encouraged.

"I know, it's just; it's weird, I mean it's them, but they're in this base apartment and not our home and they've changed and I'm, well a wreck, and," Lance blew out a breath ruffling the hair on Hunk's neck.

"And it will be fine. They are your family. They love you, no matter what." Hunk patted his back. "Remember when you were freaked out about coming out to them?"

"Yeah." Lance laughed.

"And what happened?" Hunk enquired with an eyebrow raised.

"Mami cried and hugged me, Papi said he wasn't surprised, in the least, and it didn't make a difference as to how he felt about me, and then Mami swatted me with a spoon and yelled at me for being nervous about telling them." Lance pulled back and looked at Hunk.

"Yep, so if you get hit with a spoon for being nervous about eating with them, I won't be surprised, but they are not going to love you any less than they did before." Hunk smiled warmly and shoved Lance up. "Go!"

Veronica came and got him. They walked together over to the apartments were his family had a duplex. She had her arm looped through his and kept patting it every once in awhile.

"Mom made Ropa Vieja." She smiled at his reaction.

"Really?" His expression perked up.

"Yep. Something about it being your favorite." Veronica teased. "Oh and garlic knots and flan for desert?"

"We should walk faster." Lance tugged at her arm increasing his pace as she laughed.

"Lance!" Rachel nearly tackled him at the door. He laughed and lifted her off her feet to swing her around. She squealed and he giggled.

"Hermano." Luis clasped a hand on his shoulder and then as Rachel let go, pulled him into a hug. Lisa leaned up on her tip toes and kissed his cheek.

"Bro." Marco ruffled his hair. About the time two little terror's attacked his knees and would have knocked him on the ground if Luis hadn't supported him.

"Tio Lance!" Nadia screamed.

"UP!" Silvio called and Lance lifted him up in the air.

"Lance, get in here, your mom has been cooking all day and the smell has been driving me crazy. I'm starved!" Lance's father called from the dining room.

"Alright, Pop, I'll coming." Lance smiled hurrying into the dining area. His father wrapped him in his arms as soon as he got there.

"Glad you came." He whispered.

"Me too." Lance answered. His Mom came into the room carrying a huge basket filled with garlic knots. "So if those are mine, did you make any for anyone else?" Lance asked cheekily.

"Oh you!" His mother swatted a hand at him, "There is enough for everyone. Come help your poor mami carry the rest of the food."

Lance followed happily into the kitchen, it might not be home, but it smelled like it. As he entered the kitchen his mom patted his cheek and looked into his eyes.

"So much older. Who told you that you were allowed to grow up?" She asked in a teasing tone to bely the sadness in her eyes.

"Can't stop me." He answered, just like they used to do when he was little.

She pulled him in for a hug, "It doesn't mean I have to accept it, you are and will always be my baby."

"Mami," He blushed as he kissed the top of her head, realizing how much taller he'd gotten than her.

"Now, enough, we must feed the masses before they turn on us. Grab that pot there and follow me." Lance laughed as he and his mother each carried out pots of the main dish and rice. He had been wrong to be nervous to come here. He needed this.

After the meal, they sat around the living room and talked about all the things that had happened while he'd been gone. Nadia and Silvio showed him missing teeth and told him about school. Silvio had been on his school's soccer team and was the star goalie. Nadia had been on the swim team, and challenged him to a race the next time they were at a pool. Lance was happy to hear what they'd been up to, but sad that he missed it, and sadder still not knowing what the future held for them on earth. Rachel had been enrolled in college studying nursing and did not have a current boyfriend, but rather a few she hadn't decided between she had told him laughing. Marco had finished his agribusiness degree and had plans for enlarging and bringing the family farm into the future he said. Luis had rolled his eyes and said that the farm was doing fine, thank you, and didn't need to change. Lisa had swatted him and reminded him that he had promised to give Marco a chance. Lisa had gone back to teaching now that both of their kids were in school. Mami and Papi were still happy with the farm.

Lance hadn't realized how late it had gotten until Veronica mentioned they had missed curfew. Mami, of course, insisted that they stay. Lance had been sleepy and hadn't really thought much of it at the time. Now waking up screaming as the lights came on and his mother rushed to his side he thought maybe this had been a mistake.

"Lance?" She reached out to him and wiped tears from his face. His whole body was shaking.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He whispered bowing his head and wrapping his arms around his body.

"No, Mijo, no." She reached out and put her hand under his chin. "Nothing to be sorry for." His eyes wouldn't meet hers and the tears were still flowing. She sat on the side of his bed and could feel him shaking still, though it was less than when she first arrived. She looked up to find her husband at the door looking concerned and could hear the others in the apartment waking. She nodded up at him, letting him know that she had this. He smiled sadly and closed the door. She could hear him telling the others that it was okay and to go back to bed.

"I didn't mean to wake you." Lance spoke finally.

"I'm glad you did. I would not want you to be so upset and alone." She brushed the bangs from his face. "I am glad I am able to be here for you now. I worried for you everyday Mijo, my heart missed you."

"I missed you too, Mami." He laid his head against her shoulder. The tension seemed to be leaving his body.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" She asked gently. Lance had been prone to nightmares as a child. She used to come into his room and he would tell her all about them before gradually falling back to sleep. But this time he shook his head no. This time he couldn't tell her and her heart broke.

"No."

"It's okay." She ran her hand through his hair. "You know my abeulo would have nightmares?"

"I remember you telling me that once when I was a kid, after a nightmare. I was afraid I was being a baby about it." Lance looked up.

"From the war, he would say, but he would never tell my abeula what they were about." She smiled down sadly at him. He nodded in understanding. "I know you've seen things, my love, things I wish that I could take away. I never wished for you to have to grow up so quickly. But you have grown up, I see it in your eyes. I see your pain, but I also see such courage, and Mijo I am so proud of you." She kissed his forehead as his tears were falling again.

"I was afraid to come tonight. Afraid you'd be upset when you found out how much I'd changed." she shook her head no. "Hunk told me that you wouldn't. He said you'd always love me."

"Hunk is an angel. How a troublemaker like you ended up with such a friend?" She smiled at him and tweaked his nose.

"Mami," he swatted at her hand. "Would you stay? Until I fall asleep?" He asked quietly.

"Of course," she tucked the blankets around him like she would do when he was small. She settled a comfortable chair next to his bed and leaned back, humming a song she used to hum, and if there were tears running down her own face, well there was no one there to see.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, this chapter was like pulling teeth for some reason. My brain keeps flipping too far ahead in the story and getting it to stop and focus here was a challenge. I have decided this story is going to stop at the end of Season 7 and pick up with a sequel for Season 8 and beyond. Its the beyond that keeps calling me :) Anyway enjoy

From Heart of the Lion  
***  
"Lance?"

"Shiro?" Lance was surprised to see him up and in uniform.

"Ready for the meeting?" He smiled noticing that Lance looked like he might have actually slept last night.

"More like ready to get going on this recon mission, but I suppose we have to talk about it first." Lance quipped falling in next to Shiro as they walked toward the conference room.

"It's mostly a formality, but we need everyone to know and understand the plan. Pidge, Veronica and I already worked out the details. Your sister is an amazing strategist."

"You don't have to tell me. She used to beat me at every board game in the house - Risk, Monopoly, Catan - she was brutal." Lance laughed, but there was a nervousness to him.

"You okay?" Shiro paused and turned to him.

"Yeah? I'm just not wild about her going with us. I mean I get she's done and been through a lot and she's good, of course she's good, but I - I don't know I wish I could protect her." Lance ducked, face turning red.

"I bet she would say the same about you." Shiro smirked, because as a matter of fact she had said something very similar, but he didn't think it would help Lance to hear it.

"I suppose." He frowned. "How are you? I mean you were in a hospital bed the last time I saw you."

"With the Altean crystal I feel great, once I could convince the doctors that everything was fine and to stop poking me with needles they let me go." Shiro waved his arm and spun it around. "This is still going to take some getting used to."

"Yeah, I mean, I get that it's powerful and can do stuff cause it's not connected, but it's like you have a floating ghost arm." Lance shuddered, before a look of regret slipped over his face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it like that I mean…"

"Lance." Shiro stopped him. "It's okay. It is kind of weird." He smiled easily, "You aren't offending me."

"Okay." Lance grinned sheepishly.

Now, let's go convince the brass to do this mission."

***  
After the Recon mission  
***

"Zi…what?" Lance asked. Pidge had told the group what they had found, and from the looks on several faces this was very bad. They had just gotten back and were gathered around the transport vehicles, waiting to go update the Garrison commanders.

"They are massively powerful," Hunk explained. "They could," he paused to swallow, "destroy the planet with them."

"Well that's not going to happen." He countered sharply.

"Lance." Pidge looked over at him, her shoulders were bent under the weight of her knowledge and she just looked at him like he didn't get it.

"We aren't going to let that happen. We'll just have to figure out the plan." Lance shrugged and leaned back, like it was the simplest thing in the world. "Not going to happen," he repeated shaking his head, like the conversation was just done.

Keith smiled over at him. Sometimes Lance still surprised him, "Lance is right. We will figure this out. We need to go into the debrief with that belief. Some of the brass are just going to push for surrendering, you know that they will, but that is not an option."

***  
Before the attack on the cannons  
***

"Veronica, why do you have to go?" Lance sputtered as they left the meeting.

"You know why! I'm the right person for the job. No one else knows the area like I do. I am going to have to make my way back to the base after Red picks you up. I know at least five different ways and some of them are secret tunnels built by the rebel group I worked with." Veronica snapped, eyes flashing.

"Fine okay." Lance held up his hands, "I just, I wish you weren't going to be put in even more danger."

"Lance, I'm a member of the Garrison. I signed up for it before you even joined." Her eyes softened as she looked at him, his body taunt and face drawn. "I wish you weren't going to be in danger too, but we both know what's at stake and I think we're both willing to put ourselves out there to save Earth?" She reached out and took his hand.

"Yeah." He looked up and met her eyes. "You know, of all of us, I didn't think it would end up being you and me that were so much alike."

"No, I know. I always figured you'd be like Marco, out there trying crazy things and flitting from girlfriend to girlfriend, never settling down or taking anything seriously." She smiled.

"And I figured you'd be all super responsible like Luis. Straight laced and nose to the grindstone, never taking any unnecessary risks." He grinned back.

"And here we are." She wrapped on arm around his shoulders. "I still want you to be careful."

"No dying today, check." Lance chuckled darkly.

Her first reaction would have been to laugh, but something in the darkness of his laughter choked her and she felt like the air had left the room, "Today?" She managed to sputter.

"Guess we hadn't got that far with our talks, huh?" Lance grimaced. "I'm sorry, Veronica, I wasn't thinking I shouldn't have said it like that."

"Sorry? What?" Veronica stared at him, wanting him to deny the conclusion she had leapt to.

"We've talked about a lot of the things that happened," he met her eyes, "but not all of it. My heart stopped. I was hit with a beam of energy from a broken shield and it stopped my heart. Allura was able to get me back, with her abilities to manipulate quintessence, but for a few minutes I was technically dead."

"You died." She stated flatly.

"Yeah, that was the first time. The second time was when the parasite recreated the experience for me in the astral plane." He looked away, "That time everyone helped get me back."

"And this wasn't important enough to bring up?!" Veronica screeched.

"No. Not really." Lance turned sad eyes her way. "It happened I got back. I mean it makes me think more about the risks of what we are doing, but I knew that already, so?" He shrugged. "It's not like you can fix it. Anyway that's what the matched scars on my chest and back are from."

"You idiot." Veronica wrapped her arms around him tears streaming down her face.

"I love you too, Veronica." Lance laid his head against hers and wrapped his arms around her. "Now, we don't have much time and I am not leaving on this mission without letting Mami and Papi know."

Veronica sniffled and pulled back, "Yeah, you're right we should both go. We have four hours until the MFEs will be ready for launch."

***

"I don't want you to go." The statement was flat. There was no fire behind it no weight, she knew she had no right to say it and no way to enforce it and as a mom that was just unacceptably heartbreaking.

"Mom, you know that I have to, and even if I didn't have to I want to." Pidge laid her hand on her mom's arm. She was sitting at the kitchen table. Their earlier harsh words and screaming anger had just dissolved into nothing when the older woman sat in the chair and putting her arm on the table had started to cry.

"I know. You and your father and Matt, how did I get so lucky to have a family full of heroes." She swiped a hand across her eyes. "I'll be fine. I just needed to…I don't know." She shook her head. "I still see my little girl." She turned shining eyes over to Pidge and placed a hand on her cheek.

"Mom, I'm not a little kid." Pidge sighed.

"I know that and I am so proud of you and everything that you've done, but I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid for your father and Matt. I spent so long waiting to know. Keeping the hope in my heart that you would all be okay, that you were okay, and you were. You all were. But now, now there is still more fighting to be done and I just, I don't know if I can do it again. I don't know if you'll come back if you leave again."

"Mom." Pidge wrapped arms around her. "I love you. I'm proud of you too. I wouldn't have had the strength to go out there and find them if it wasn't for you. I wouldn't have been able to keep believing they were out there and okay if it wasn't for you." Tears slipped down her face and onto her mother's shoulder.

This was how Sam Holt found them when he got home, in each other's arms, crying. A soft smile rested on his lips. They had been fighting a lot since Katie had returned, it seems they had gotten past what was holding them apart.

"What's a guy got to do to get in on this hug?" He asked getting their attention. They both stood with sappy smiles and tears and practically crushed him with love.

***

"Allura?" Romelle squeezed the hand that was resting on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, I was just thinking. It's been, well a lot has happened and I think it's all still sinking in." She smiled bashfully. "That doesn't sound much like a leader, but I wonder if I still am?"

"What do you mean, Princess?" Coran asked concerned.

"We have no planet, no castle, no coalition, what am I a Princess of? What am I leader of?" Allura shook her head, "Sometimes I just wonder who I am. Who am I supposed to be?"

"You are Princess Allura, and planet or no planet, castle or no castle, that fact remains true. You are the leader of the Voltron Coalition and we've been out of contact due to unfortunate time warping, but even if we have to rebuild, that will still be true." Coran poured his conviction into his words.

"And we may not have a planet, but you still have a people, and just because they don't know it yet doesn't mean you aren't our true leader." Romelle chimed.

Allura smiled at them, though it didn't entirely reach her eyes, and rested one hand on each, "I am lucky to have you."

"We are lucky to have you." Coran added leaning forward to kiss her cheek softly.

Allura laughed as his moustache always tickled when he did that.

"Please, be safe out there today." Romelle added. "I got you something. Here!" Romelle handed her a simple white flower. "I found it growing outside and thought mabye I could put some in your hair, for luck?"

"I would like that. Thank you, Romelle." Allura sat in one of the chairs in the dwelling place they had been provided by the Garrison. Romelle hummed a soft song as she arranged the flowers around Allura's bun in such a way that they would not interfere with her helmet. Coran spoke with her about battle strategy and the capability of the Atlas. Allura closed her eyes and soaked up the warmth of them and their chatter. She could almost feel like she belonged here - almost.

***

"Hey." Keith sat down on the bench next to Hunk.

"Hi." He didn't look over to Keith, but simply stared off at the horizon.

"I thought I'd find you in the kitchen." Keith asked eyebrow raised.

"I didn't want to start something and then not be able to finish it." Hunk shrugged. "This kind of tension calls for a complicated recipe and too much time. We don't have enough time and at the same time it feels like too long. I mean, what if something happens to them while we wait? What if they get hurt during the attack?"

Keith looked the direction Hunk was facing and realized he was staring into the direction of the first cannon, the one where his parents were being held.

"You know Lance would never let a civilian get hurt on his watch, let alone your parents." Keith reassured.

"I know, he'd do all he could." Hunk nodded. "I've also been doing this long enough to know that sometimes all we can do isn't enough to stop bad things from happening."

"You're right." Keith agreed.

Hunk turned to him in surprise, "I thought you'd try to cheer me up?"

Keith shook his head, his lips turned up slightly, "Do I look like Lance?"

Hunk snorted and turned back to staring.

"The thing is Hunk, even knowing it might go wrong. I have to go into the battle believing it will go right. We are going to get those cannons, we are going to save Earth, and your parents are going to be okay." Keith stared into the distance with him. "We have done some pretty incredible things and I know that we can do this."

"Now you sound like Shiro." Hunk commented a smile twitching on his lips.

"I think I'm going to take that as a compliment." Keith smiled fully.

"If you think so, second Space Dad." Hunk huffed before letting the smile take over his face.

Keith laughed and put his arm around Hunk, "No. No I am not Space Dad. How about Space Brother?"

"I can live with that." Hunk stood. "Ready to go save the world, space brother?"

"Ready."

***  
During the attack on the cannons  
***

"LANCE! LANCE COME IN!" Keith's voice echoed in Lance's ears as he tried to orient himself. He crawled to his hands and knees. Where was he? Where was…

"VERONICA? VERONICA!" He turned and found her laying on the ground. "No. Veronica." Rushing over to her side he was happy to see her starting to come around.

"Lance."

"Veronica, you're okay." He breathed in relief. Just as fire from the Galra droids and drones started to pepper their position. He activated his shield and bayard and started to systematically take them down. He was feeling like maybe he could do this when a fighter spun through the air and fired at them on approach. Desparate he fired, over and over again, but his bayard was having no effect. He could feel Veronica behind him. He could hear the deep breath she took. He closed his eyes. They'd both said they could do this. They'd both agreed it was worth any cost. He just didn't think it would end like this.

Then he felt her and the concussive wave from the destruction of the Galra fighter. Red. Red was here. She roared.

"Veronica?" He looked down and found that she was already standing and seemed to be steady on her feet.

"Go. I'm fine." She assured.

"Are you sure?" He gestured to their downed vehicle.

"I'll just borrow theirs." Veronica grinned and pointed to the now empty Galra transport that the droids had arrived in.

"Be safe." He gave her a quick hug.

"You too."

"Red Lion, checking in!" Lance yelled into the communicator in Red. His helmet seemed to not be working as he hadn't heard anything after hearing Keith's voice.

"Garrison, Veronica is taking a Galra transport back. Ours got a little blown up." Lance reported. "She wasn't sure if she could get the communications to work."

"Thank you, Red Lion, we'll be looking out for her return. Glad to hear you check in." Shiro smiled broadly at the screen. They'd all done it. They'd all made it.

"Lance!" Hunk yelled, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah buddy, you know Red, she likes to make an entrance." Lance laughed into the com.

"Blown up?" Keith asked.

"Ran into a patrol, couple of fighters took out the wheels. I'm good." Lance smiled at the concern in Keith's voice.

"We are glad to hear it." Allura answered.

"Yeah, now everyone stay good and let's get these cannons!" Pidge called.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting down to the end of Season 7 here. Going to give this one a couple of nice chapters at least at the end, after all they were "months" getting the beast pieces gathered before they discovered the Altean. 
> 
> The sequel to this story will begin with the beginning of Season 8.

From Heart of the Lion  
***

Veronica pulled the vehicle up to the particle barrier. There was a squad waiting for her, weapons aimed at the vehicle.

"Hey, it's just me. Didn’t Lance let you know I was coming?" She raised her arms as she stepped out.

"Yes, ma'am, but we had to be sure. We are to escort you to the control room upon your arrival." One of the soldiers responded.

"Okay,” Veronica activated the cuff on her arm that allowed her to pass through the particle barrier. Commander Holt was a genius, she thought fondly. The older man had been very supportive of her throughout her career, until he had disappeared and then when he had returned, he'd been the support she needed again, finding out about Lance and the war.

The base seemed tense, like it always did during a major mission, but she couldn't help the worry building in her as she moved across the base. This tension was dark, negative, things were not going well. Given her insight she shouldn't have been as surprised as she was to see the battle stats on the screen.

"Veronica? Are you okay?" Commander Holt rushed over to her.

"Yeah, I'm good." She peered over his shoulder, why were there so many fighters around the cannons?

"Good, we need you." His eyes dark and serious. "Get checked by the medic and changed. I had your uniform brought over." He gestured to a young man waiting by the door. A loud yell from Hunk echoed in the room. "Hurry."

When Veronica returned the scene had gotten worse. She rushed to her station. There were too many, the Lions were dealing massive damage to the enemy, but the enemy just kept coming. They were not going to make it through to the cannons. The MFE's weren't going much better, though their size and maneuverability seemed to mean they were taking fewer hits, a good thing since their defenses were not as strong.

The cannons launched. It was clear to everyone fighting and everyone in the room that they had been betrayed. The MFEs were coming home and the Lions were going after Sendak. Lance was going after Sendak. Veronica could feel herself holding her breath as Voltron broke through the atmosphere, but she couldn't make herself breathe. Then she saw it, the energy build-up, the blasts, all in a blink of an eye, too fast to even scream a warning.

The screams shook her to her core. Were they dead? No, the readings still indicated life, but no response, nothing. She looked back at Shiro. His face was devastated, she feared he would fall over, but as quick as she had seen it - it was gone. His face only registered determination now. She remembered what he had been through, what Commander Holt had told them and what Lance had told her. She decided he might be the single strongest human being she had ever had the honor of meeting. Commander Holt stood at his side, two tears running down his grim face. Coran's serious expression was so at odds with the man she had come to know through Lance's stories. She wondered what her face looked like right now.

The lions were being pulled in with a tractor beam. The paladins were in the hands of the enemy.

***  
From Trial by Fire  
***

"I recognize you." Sendak's voice echoed in the docking bay where the paladins were being dragged from their lions and thrown onto the floor.

"Are you sure? I have a very common face." Lance tried.

"You were quieter before, I liked that better. I believe I owe you pain." Sendak towered over him.

Lance couldn't move, his body still not cooperating from the painful blast of the cannons, not to mention the battle and wreck from before. So, when Sendak raised his foot to bring it down on him, there wasn't much he could do about it other than wait. The booted foot slammed into his back slamming his chest and head into the floor and knocking him about again.

***

"Lance?"

"I don't know Mami, but we need to get you guys onto the Atlas. Everyone." Veronica was hurrying them out the door of their building. All around them families were scrambling to board the Atlas. No one would be left behind at the base.

"Come on, dear, let's make sure we haven't forgotten anything." Papi grabbed Mami's shoulders and led her back through the apartment. Veronica could see her shoulders shaking as the sobs threatened to break through, she took a deep breath.

"We have everyone loaded in the transport Veronica." Luis wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You're doing good. She'll be okay."

"I wish I could do more. I wish I knew more."

"We'll just all have to go up there and get him back again." Luis reassured calmly.

"Just like that?" Veronica turned to stare at him, one eyebrow raised.

"Why not? There is nothing that is going to keep this family apart for long. Haven't we proven that?" He met her eyes carefully and waited for her to nod. "Good then, let’s be ready for them when they leave. Mami will probably make Papi lock up." A smirk rested on his lips at the comment.

"You're right." Veronica sighed.

"Aren't I always?"

***

Colleen and Bae Bae made their way through the crowds. Her suitcase was clutched in one hand. It was huge, but she had shoved in everything she could for Sam and Katie as well. Her other hand clutched Bae Bae's leash. The soldiers at the first checkpoint had suggested she leave him behind. She had glared holes into him and firmly let him know that no one was being left behind - not this time. This time she was going with them and it filled her with such purpose and strength. She knew things were bad right now. She knew where Katie was, but it didn't matter. This time she was going to be there to help and she wasn't going to let anything happen to her daughter or her husband. Hell, the way she felt right now, when Matt got home, she was going to join his rebels and go look after him too.

***

"Fuck!" Lance slammed his fist into the wall. Sanda betrayed them and they were stuck. Stuck on Sendak's ship, not able to do anything but sit and wait for their world to be destroyed. 

"Lance?" Pidge called from the other side of the wall.

"We need to get out of here. We can't let this just happen!" Lance knew he was freaking out, but he couldn't stop it. He staggered to his feet and rammed himself into the door. He blinked back stars, but of course the metal door did not budge.

"Lance, stop." Pidge sounding more concerned.

Lance took a few steps back and ran at the door again, crashing into it even harder. His breath was coming in gasps now combining with the pain to take his vision away, whiting out till all he saw was the door. 

"Lance!" Hunk tried.

He ran at the door again, colliding with a thud.

"Lance!" Keith yelled.

"NO!" He staggered back up and took a few steps back. "NO!" His voice was too high and shook and his breath whistled as his breath came too fast, too shallow. He rammed the door again.

"Lance! STOP! Please stop!" Allura this time.

"Lance, breath, Hermano. Breath with me. Come on. Breathe in…hold it…. breathe out." Hunk couldn't see him and was just hoping he was going along.

Lance was trying to breath with him, if only because he couldn't seem to get up off the floor. He listened as Hunk led him through the breathing exercise. Soon his vision returned to normal and tears he hadn't even noticed falling slowed to a trickle.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, but Pidge could hear him.

"You don't have to be sorry, Lance. This sucks." Pidge offered from her cell; her voice rough with tears of her own.

"Lance, we are going to get out of here. We are going to figure this out. Guys, we just need to focus. We will find the answer." Keith's calm reassurance filled them. Keith smiled when Hunk spoke up. They were getting out of here.

***

"Romelle?"

"Oh, hello, Coleen, right?" Romelle quickly wiped tears from her eyes and looked up at the older woman standing in the doorway to her room on the Atlas. "I, um, I guess I was expecting Coran, because why would anyone else come?" She put on a brave little smile and Coleen's motherly heart melted.

"My dear,” She smiled and placed a hand on her face. "You have people who care."

"Oh," Romelle sniffled and more tears fell. "Did you, I mean why did you come?"

"I have something I wanted to share." She pulled a small metal device out of her pocket. "Sam gave it to me, now it is a secret." Coleen raised one eyebrow at Romelle.

"Oh, I can keep a secret." She promised, eyes lighting with interest.

"This lets me listen in on the bridge. In fact, I just heard that the Paladins have managed to activate their lions from inside Sendak's ship and are using them to join the fight." She smiled as the girl clutched at her hands.

"They're alive?!" She beamed. "I was so afraid."

"I know, me too, and I wondered if you would like to join me, while I listen in? You'll be able to hear Coran as well?" 

"Oh, please come in." Romelle hurried her into the room. Peering out into the hall as if to be sure no one noticed, before securing the door and practically pulling Colleen into the sitting area. Colleen smiled; she had made the right decision. She had worried the other girl would be nervous or upset listening to the transmission, but it turns out that she also strongly wanted to be a part of what was going on and if today they couldn't fight, well at least they could listen in and offer their support.

***

"Lance, you sure you're okay?" Keith grabbed his arm as they were making their way out the impromptu door Black had made.

"I'll be fine." Lance gave him one heck of a fake smile.

"I know you can do this, but please, be honest with me." Keith met his eyes not buying it for a minute.

"My head hurts and I feel like I've been wrung out, but we all took that hit, so I'm thinking we all feel that." Lance sighed. "My shoulder hurts, because I'm an idiot who thinks he can knock down a metal door and I think Sendak left a boot print on my back, that a good enough run down?" Lance's lips smirked at his leader.

"Thank you." Keith nodded. He'd have to get the specifics on the boot print later, but at least Lance seemed to be giving an honest account.

"Now, let’s get back to saving the Earth?" Lance jumped through the hole and Keith watched as Red scooped him up midair.

"Let's." He smiled as he jumped.

***

From Lion's Pride

***

"Shiro? Be careful?" Coran offered as Shiro moved off the bridge.

"I will Coran, feels like we owe Sendak a poisoned crystal." He smiled as he turned to leave.

"That we do." Coran turned back to the battle at hand. It was different overseeing the ship, when he wasn't alone.

"Sir?" The young man that had taken his position asked, Curtis was the name Coran came up with.

"Move into position, when those panels break, we need to protect Earth." Coran nodded to the young man who gave him a smile and a nod back.

Coran stood straighter and nodded to the rest of the crew. It wasn't just Shiro and the Paladins depending on him today, it was an entire crew and a planet below. He could do this. He could do anything for them.

***

"Readings indicate the beast is generating power?" Veronica called from her station.

"No, Quiznak." Coran confirmed.

"What is it? Is it not down?" Shiro turned to Coran.

"It's a self-destruct. A powerful one. The blast alone will destroy most of your planet, the dust cloud will envelop the rest." Coran's voice was solemn.

"How long?! Where is my power?"

"Less than five minutes," from Veronica.

"Power will be at least another twenty minutes," from Commander Holt.

"Wait. The lions!" Veronica pointed to the view screen. The lions were moving, picking up the beast, rising out of the atmosphere.

"Can they do it?" Shiro asked.

"At their current rate of speed? Yes, they will be able to get the blast far enough away to save the planet." Veronica's voice shook.

"But not clear the blast radius themselves,” Coran finished his own voice rough.

***

"No." Colleen clung to Romelle as the young girl wept in her arms. "No." Her body shook with fear. They couldn't come so far and do so much to lose now. It wasn't right. She couldn't lose Katie now.

***

"Lance." Veronica reached out like she could catch the falling lions, tears streaming down her face.

***

Coran moved to stand by Shiro. His hand resting on the other's shoulder. Shiro placed his hand over Coran's each drawing strength from the other.

"They are strong." Shiro stated.

"The lions will protect them." Coran added.

***


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I named Hunk's parents - Loto which means Heart and Helen cause I could

"Loto?!" Her voice shook as she clung to his arm. 

"I see it. Is it…can you tell?" He held a hand shading his face and looking into the sky. Streaks were falling down, five steaks, five lions, one of them was coming very close to the labor camp.

"Yellow. It's yellow." She nearly whispered and it seemed so wrong from his normally boisterous wife.

The prisoners had rioted as soon as the massive weapon had been destroyed. They had taken the opporturnity to free themselves. There were casualties. Not everyone made it through the fight or the explosion from the weapon. And Loto knew they had not taken many prisoners. A mob of prisoners fighting for freedom was not forgiving. Some of them had managed to pull some Galra into a room, those that had surrendered, those that had treated them well, those that they could get to before the mob ended them.

When the beast had landed and the lions and the other giant robot had fought it, when Voltron had fought, when his son had fought to save them; he had left the Galra prisoners to the others. He had gone outside with his wife and watched with her as the battle raged. Hunk was too young to be fighting in a war, too kind, too sweet, and yet there he was in that robot. 

And now he was falling from the sky. The lions had all lifted off the ground carrying the other beast robot up into the sky, and they hadn't known why, hadn't understood the threat until the bright light of the explosion lit the sky and the lions fell.

"We have to…" he started.

"Go to him. Yes." Helen grabbed his hand and pulled him as she began to run, toward where the Yellow Lion was headed, where Hunk was headed.

***

Romelle helped Coleen up from the floor. They had been thrown about the little room during the battle. Romelle had wrapped herself around the older woman in an effort to protect her and it seemed to have worked.

"Are you okay?" She asked peering into her honey brown eyes.

"Yes, thanks to you." Coleen patted her arm and steadied herself. Their secret communication device had been broken so that they could only use it to listen and could not call out on it, and they were literally in the dark. The Atlas seemed to be barely running on emergency power.

"I think I can get the doors open." Romelle stated placing her hands flat against the door and sliding it to the side.

"I would not want to be on the wrong side of you in a fight." Coleen responded with a light laugh as the door did slide open.

"Alteans are strong." Romelle smiled with no small amount of pride.

In the hallway was a mixture of civilians wondering what they could do and Garrison officers and cadets hurrying to complete whatever task they were assigned. There didn't appear to be any interaction between the two groups and there did appear to be several with at least some injuries.

"This won't do." Coleen muttered. "You!" She snagged a young lieutenant as they pushed past. "What's the status of Atlas."

"I'm sorry ma'am, I'm not at liberty to say." The young officer looked down their nose at her.

"Yes, you are. I have the official rank of Commander for this mission. I need a status update now!" Coleen snapped putting every ounce of authority into her voice. So, she may have told a bit of a falsehood, but it was for a good cause.

"Oh, yes ma'am." The lieutenant saluted. "The ship has been drained of nearly all of its power. We are organizing rescue teams to go after the Paladins and their lions. We are also organizing teams to engineer an exit for said rescue teams. They are unsure of the locations of the exits while in giant robot form ma'am."

Coleen nearly rolled her eyes at the last part but held back. "And the civilians? Are you recruiting their assistance? Who is seeing to the wounded?"

"Civilians? I…," the bewildered look was answer enough.

"Is there a staging area for your trauma team?" 

"The mess hall."

"Good, now I need you to assign a small team, they can be cadets. To go to the civilian rooms, check for injuries, direct them to the mess hall if needed, and request volunteers for the rescue missions. We have rebels on this ship that have been fighting the Galra and they may have resources or knowledge you can use."

"Commander?" Romelle whispers over to Coleen as the leuitenant can be seen ordering cadets to do just as Coleen ordered. 

"Shhh! Nothing I told them that they shouldn't have figured out on their own. Besides I happen to have an in with some higher ups on this ship." She smiled over at the girl. "Let's get up to the bridge and see what's going on."

***

Rachel's tears were sliding silently down her face. Nadia was holding her hand and staring sorrowfully at her aunt. 

"Lo siento, Tia." She kept whispering over and over.

"I'm okay little one." Rachel answered back. "It's not so bad. I'll get a pretty caste on my leg and you will draw picture on it for me, won't you?" Rachel tried to smile at the little girl. She had managed to keep her safely tucked under the bed with the ship had thrown them about, but at the cost of a badly broken leg.

Mami came back in with a cup of water and soothed back her bangs while she drank. She was humming a lullaby and Rachel tried to focus on that instead of the burning pain in her leg.

"Go." Papi told Marco and Luis. "Find out what you can. Help if you can. I will stay here with them." Slyvio was already in his arms. Lisa was lying on the couch a towel held to the bloody cut on her face. 

"Are you sure?" Luis asked worried.

"I am. I can take care of them. You go and find Lance and Veronica."

"Come on." Marco put his hand on Luis's shoulder. "Pops has got this. Let's go gather our wayward babes."

Luis nodded sharply before kissing Slyvio's forehead, "Take care of Papi and your sister and Mama?"

The little boy nodded solemnly, "I will Dadda."

***

Allura blinked into the darkness. It was so very dark. She couldn't remember where she was. She tried to sit up and realized she was in a chair, but the whole room seemed to be sideways, like she was sitting in a chair tacked to a wall. She tried to move, to get up, but a sharp pain answered her when she attempted to move her arms. Something was wrong with her left arm and her right shoulder. She felt trapped by the injuries. It was so dark, why wasn't there any light.

***

"Coran?" Romelle rushed to the older man as they arrived on the bridge. Probably not proper military protocol, but she didn’t care she was too worried.

"Ah, Romelle." He turned and wrapped arms around her. "I was about to send for you. We are needed for one of the rescue crews."

"We are? I am?" She blinked at him surprised.

"Yes, my dear." There was a seriousness in his eyes that contradicted his tone and told her the seriousness of what he was about to say. "Seems the Blue Lion has landed herself in water, which of course makes complete sense as it will help her recharge and is her element. However, this water is very deep, and she has sunk beyond the depths a human can swim."

"But not an Altean?" Romelle asked with a light in her eyes.

"Well not an Altean shapeshifted into something properly aquatic." He answered. "Would you help me retrieve the Princess from Blue. The blast may have injured the paladins and we need to get to them as soon as possible."

"Of course, yes." Romelle didn’t even hesitate. She was proud to be able to help.

"Coran, you are in charge of that crew. They have managed to open a bay door here." Shiro pointed to a glowing point on the schematics he had pulled up. "You will take your crew and a shuttle to retrieve Allura."

Coran nodded and he and Romelle hurried out of the bridge on their way. 

"Iverson, you have your crew ready?" Shiro asked over the coms. 

"Yes, Captain, we are preparing to exit, we finally found a door low enough to the ground to get this transport through. We are heading for the location of the Yellow lion."

"Veronica?" 

"My team is preparing for takeoff now, heading for the Red Lion. I picked up a couple of civilians along the way."

"Whoever you need." Shiro nodded.

"Commander Holt?"

"We are already airborne. I have two MFEs with me."

"Good, the Green Lion was the furthest away."

"Major Dean?" Shiro was not happy about sending the Major after Keith, but he had to be here to reform the ship when the energy levels were sufficient and no one else could do that. Curtis seemed like a responsible young pilot.

"Leaving just now, sir, I have the other two MFE pilots with me."

"Good. Bring them home. All of you be on your guard. The main fleet is gone, but we need to be ready for resistance. There could still be significant numbers of Galra stationed in the six bases."

"Understood."

"Yes, sir."

"Righto, Number one."

"Same to you, Shiro."

Coleen leaned against the console listening to Sam's voice respond to Shiro. He would be finding Katie and bringing her back. Shiro turned to her with a nod.

"A little birdie told me you got promoted?" He gave her an eyebrow raise and she just snorted.

"Hmmm…maybe that leuitenant had more brains than I gave them credit for?" She shrugged.

"It was a good idea. Do you think you could go take charge of the mess hall? I'm not sure how well the integrated medical treatment is going. I think they just need someone to give them a little direction."

"Of course, Shiro, I will head there now. Did you get yourself checked out?" She gave him her own eyebrow raise.

"I will, when they are all back." He raised his hands at her glare. "I promise."

She nodded, "See that you do."

***

Hunk blinked his eyes, there was something in his eyes, something wet. He reached a trembling hand up and wiped it out of his eyes. His hand was in front of him, but it took him several moments to see the red dripping from his fingers. Was someone bleeding? 

He swallowed back a wave a naseua, the world was spinning. He couldn't make it stop, but it's like he just knew throwing up was going to hurt so much worse. He knew a lot about throwing up and considered himself an expert and his expert opinion was that to throw up right now would make it to the top of the worst vomit sessions ever.

The longer he was awake the more pain made its way into his conscious thought. He was certain his left leg should not be bent in that direction. The pain started at his fingertips. They ached. His fingertips ached, throbbed, and Hunk was very much certain that it was just the beginning of his pain. When the rest of him began to wake up or reconnect to his brain or whatever was happening it was going to hurt so bad. He didn't want that. He didn't want to feel that. Tears were sliding down his eyes and the naseua was getting worse and worse until…yep he'd been right. The vomiting was by and far the worst vomit he'd ever felt, and it managed to wake the rest of him up. If he could have screamed around his heaves, he would have done it, but all he could do was grip the arm rests with his hands as he helplessly bled, sobbed, and vomited on himself.

***

The water was cold. Allura pulled her feet up into the pilot's chair. Her head ached and her body felt weak. She did not have enough energy to transform to something that could stand the cold better. The water was rising faster she thought, or maybe she had lost track of time again. Her head was pounding with more than exhaustion and quintessence drain, she must have hit it hard on impact.

Blue was dark all around her. She would not respond, would not wake up. Allura climbed higher up into the seat. She didn't think anything was broken, but movement made her dizzy. Her leg slipped and splashed into the water, she pulled it up quickly, almost afraid to touch it, afraid to acknowledge how it was climbing after her. She shivered looking down into the cold black water. She wondered if this was the last thing she was going to see.

***

"Give me the crow bar." Loto pried open the giant Lion's mouth. "Sorry." He muttered to the beast, somehow feeling he owed her an apology for the scratches he'd left on her teeth.

"Okay, I can get in." Another prisoner climbed between the teeth. He braced himself between the jaws and used his arms and legs to push, while Loto pried more from the outside.

"Almost." Loto called. They both pushed again and this time Loto was able to wedge the metal bar upright in the Lion's mouth, holding it open. "Let's get in there." He could hear Helen moving into the mouth behind them.

He smelled the blood before he saw it, thick and coppery, choking him with tears, but he pushed forward. He stepped in it. He reached through it. A trembling hand touched against the dark skin of a beloved neck, begging, praying, searching for a beat, for a sign of life. It was there. He nearly screamed in relief, it was there, only then did he let himself look at his son’s body and see the damage done to it. There was a gash across his forehead that was wide and bled freely down his face, his leg was bent at an unnatural angle and obviously broken.

"He's alive." He said it out loud to make it real. To make it real for himself and for Helen and for the others that had come to help. "We need to get him out to a doctor."

"My baby." Helen breathed rushing in behind and taking Loto's place by Hunk's head. She touched his cheek gently. "My sweet angel. My darling." She whispered to him. She could hear Loto organizing the others, they were making a gurney to carry Hunk. Someone had gone to get the doctor from the camp. She started to sing soft and low a lullaby for her baby.

"Mama." His voice whispered and she smiled down into his brown eyes.

"I'm here, baby, Mama's here." She kissed his cheek.

"Are you okay, is Dad okay?" He begged tears leaking from his eyes.

"We are fine. We've come to help you." She gave him her no-nonsense look. "You're going to be fine too, just need to be patched up a bit."

"Did we do it? Did we get it far enough away? Is everyone okay?" Hunk's breathing rushed out too quickly and his eyes squeezed shut in pain.

"Hush, you saved everyone. You are a hero, my love. You are my hero." She kissed his cheek again and his eyes drifted closed again. She felt someone touch her shoulder and she turned to her husband's kind eyes.

"We are ready to move him." 

"Okay. You tell them to be careful with my baby. This is precious cargo. You hear that! Precious cargo!" She yelled through tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going for biweekly updates at minimum - target Thursday :)


	27. Chapter 27

She couldn't really feel anything anymore. Her whole body was submerged and only her face broke the surface of the water, so close to the roof of the cabin that her nose brushed the metal. It wouldn't be long now. She floated her hair flowing down behind her, not moving, not feeling, not anything, a lost princess waiting for her last moments.

She closed her eyes and hoped it would be quick, knowing somehow that it would not. Her mind wondered and the darkness behind her eyes grew light.

"Allura." A familiar voice called to her from the light.

"Father?" She stepped through into a field of flowers, just like the one that had been projected at the castle, when she still had access to her father's memories.

"My darling." He reached forward and pulled her into his arms. "You have done so much."

"I haven't done enough. I feel so lost father. I don't belong in this world. I belong with you." She cried into his shoulder. 

"You have done much. You have returned Voltron to the universe. You have given people hope. You have defeated Zarkon. So much more than I accomplished, I am so proud of you." He kissed her forehead just like he used to do when she was a child.

"But what do I do now father? Where do I belong? Who am I supposed to be?" She trembled in his arms, allowing insecurities that she would never let anyone else see pour out into the one person she knew would understand.

"You will be who you want to be daughter. The choices are yours to make. Just know that no matter what you choose, I will always love and support you." He gave her another squeeze and started to slip away from her.

"Don't go! Father, don't leave me!" She cried as the light turned to darkness and the water slipped over the edge of her lips. She took one last deep breath before it covered her completely, delaying the inevitable a little while longer.

***

Shiro paced anxiously in the Atlas, power was almost back up. As soon as it was, they would need to get readings and find out what the status was of the remaining occupying forces on the planet. What he really wanted to be doing was rushing out to save his team and make sure each of them was okay. 

"Captain Shirogane?"

"Commander Iverson, are you at the site?" Shiro asked anxiously. The Yellow Lion had been the closet but was also immediately adjacent to one of the cannon sites, making it a potentially hazardous situation.

"Yes sir, the prisoners have taken command of the base. Rioted and kicked some purple ass. There are a few prisoners we will take charge of, additionally they had already managed to recover the Yellow Paladin. He is being treated in the medical ward. I have reports that he is in serious, but stable condition."

"That is very good news, thank you Commander. Let's hope the other bases fared as well. Have you had a chance to see Hunk?" Shiro really wanted to know exactly what was wrong with Hunk.

"No sir, but his parents are with him. His father told me he has a headwound and a compound fracture of his leg. They are doing surgery to set the fracture and the head wound required stitches. He is expected to make a full recovery."

Shiro let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. 

"The Atlas should be back in the air within the hour Commander, please keep us updated."

"Yes sir!" Iverson logged off.

Shiro got on the coms to the other rescue teams, "Update on the rescue. The Yellow Paladin is recovered and in surgery but expected to make a full recovery. Can I get a status update from the other teams?"

"We are about halfway there." Veronica reported. "Marco, for the love of…could you maybe keep it on the road. Sorry sir, my brother says we are more than halfway there, due to some creative driving." She hissed again and Shiro could hear some loud banging in the background. 

"Get there safe." He replied.

"Yes sir." Veronica answered growling in the background at her brother.

"Sir, Coran and Romelle have shifted and are below the surface now. We were not able to maintain contact with them. I will send you an update when they return." A nervous young voice reported.

"Thank you." Shiro wondered if he should know who it was that spoke, but he didn't.

"Shiro, we are about 10 minutes out from the Green Lion crash site. I can report smoke at or near the location." Commander Holt supplied, his voice even and devoid of emotion. 

"Captain, we are nearing the location of the Black Lion, expect to make landfall in fifteen minutes or less." Curtis's voice supplied the final update. 

Shiro sighed and resumed pacing. He would know soon. He just wished soon was now. It didn't occur to him until all those coms went silent that he was alone. Completely alone in the world again. He hadn't been that since he'd met Adam. A year before joining the Garrison his mother had passed. His father and grandparents were long gone, and it had just been him and her for so long. He met Adam and found a friend and later a lover. Someone to take him from being an orphan to having a family. When he met Keith it only made sense that he understood some of what he felt. He understood being all on your own, so Keith was added to the family. Then the Holts, then the Paladins and now here he was again, feeling very much alone.

***

Pidge woke up coughing. Her throat burned. She clutched at it trying to stop the irritation and coughing. The coughing was making her feel like her body had been shredded. Everything hurt. When it finally stopped, she was dizzy and white lights danced in front of her eyes. She was sweating and everything seemed hazy. She leaned back and tried to take inventory of the situation, but the pain in her skull was making it hard to focus. 

She was in Green, check. She hadn't really expected to wake up after that explosion, so bonus check. Her arm felt like it wasn't attached to her body, but she could see it. She did not see any blood. Her eyes were burning. Her chest hurt, her stomach hurt, her leg hurt, and her throat kept thinking coughing was a good idea - it was not.

"Focus, Pidge," she muttered to herself, ignoring the pain in her throat and chest. If only it wasn't so quiznacking hard to see. She blinked her eyes trying to bring the console in front of her out of the fog. She leaned forward ignoring the pain enough to see that there was no power nothing was lit up. She coughed again, wrapping her good arm over her chest as she felt like she needed to hold her guts in place. Tears ran down her eyes as she gasped to the end of the coughing fit. What was the matter with her? She reached out to touch her good hand against the wall of Green, because apparently, she'd been thrown there or Green was that dented, to push herself back up. She cried out in pain as the wall burned her hand. She blinked down at her glove and the wall and at the haze in the air. It wasn't haze. It was smoke.

"No, no, no!" Pidge trembled. She was in Green and either Green was on fire or something outside of Green was on fire and this was not good in any way. She pulled away from the wall, dragging herself toward the center of Green. She tried pressing the com button on her helmet, but there was no sound coming from it. She took the helmet off; the visor was broken. Great, it wasn't going to do her any good against the smoke. She pulled the com out and started to fiddle with it. If she could just get the radio. She needed help. The smoke kept getting thicker and the air in the cabin hotter. She didn't have much time. Something crackled and at first, she thought it was the fire, but then she heard a voice.

"Captain, we are nearing the location of the Black Lion, expect to make landfall in fifteen minutes or less." 

"Curtis?" She coughed into the com; voice gravelly with pain.

"Katie!" Her dad's voice answered back.

"Dad?" She nearly sobbed with relief. "I need help."

"I know baby, we are on our way." He answered. "Can you tell me how you're hurt?"

"I don't know everything hurts, but something is on fire. There's smoke and it keeps getting hot…" Her voice choked off in another gruesome coughing fit. Sweat was starting to run into her eyes and mix with the tears.

"Katie?!" Shiro's voice joined her Dad's screaming for her to answer.

"I'm here. Hurts."

"Just hold on Pidge, they are coming." Shiro begged.

"The others?" She asked trying to distract herself from the growing heat. 

"Hunk is at the hospital and is going to be okay, the teams haven't reached the other's yet." Shiro informed.

"Keith and Lance, they were the closest to the blast. Idiots have the fastest lions; they were trying to shield us." Her coughing started again and at some point, it ripped a sob from her, it hurt so bad.

"Katie, I'm coming. I'll be there soon. Just hang on for me baby, please!" Her dad's voice shook, and she couldn't remember ever hearing him sound so afraid.

"Pidge, when we get those boys back you will have to give them hell for being stupid, right?"

"You know it. And Space Dad, cursing? My world is spiraling out of control." She attempted to snark, earning a harsh bark of laughter from Shiro.

"Katie, we are almost there. I've got to make a quick pick up of some water and we will be there, don't worry."

"Did you reconfigure the shuttle to carry water in like the last three dobashes?" Pidge asked, awe tinging her voice.

"Don't underestimate your old man."

"Never." Pidge smiled, but the coughing started again, and she couldn't stop. She could hear voices, but they stopped making sense her eyes dropped shut over stars and she knew no more.

***

When Coran and Romelle managed to swim through into Blue they found Allura floating there like some sort of water spirit. Her hair spread around her head like a white mane, her face relaxed like she was sleeping, and her body not even moving in the least bit. Coran felt himself dying a little; they were too late, she was dead. And then she opened her eyes. Romelle reacted first swimming quickly to her and wrapping arms around her. Coran wasn’t far behind, moving to drag his princess to safety. At first Allura clung to them and it didn't take them too long to get out of Blue, but once they were in the black openness of the deep water she began to thrash. Her eyes rolled and the look on panic on her face tore into Coran's heart.

He watched as the bubbles escaped her mouth as he and Romelle pushed to swim faster, but they were so deep. He watched as the brave young woman fought against her body's need to breath, they were almost halfway up when she lost the fight and drew in a lungful of water. Her thrashing threw Romelle off, she was two strong. Coran clung to her in desperation, afraid to lose her in the darkness, afraid he was holding her while she died in horrible pain, afraid of being the last of his world, of being left alone. Romelle struggled back and gripped tighter, they pushed upward. Allura's twitching slowed and eventually she didn't move at all. Her mouth was slack, and her eyes stared into nothing; she was dead. Coran wanted to weep, but he couldn't yet. He wouldn't give up yet. He'd learned from Krolia how she brought Lance back. He wasn't going to just quit on Allura. The paladins had come back from the dead, twice by Allura's hand, but once by Krolia’s. Coran could bring back Allura too. He had to, there was no choice.

When they broke the surface of the water, the rest of the team on the amphibious vehicle helped to pull them from the water. Coran rolled Allura to her side, hoping against hope that she would just cough the water out, but she did not move. Romelle reached forward to check for a pulse. She shook her head no. 

"Primitive medicine it is then." Coran pinched her nose, tilted back her head and delivered two quick breaths. He began the chest compression, just as Krolia had instructed. He tried not to cringe at the sounds of ribs breaking. He knew he was doing the right thing. He had reviewed the procedure against Altean anatomy and found it would be just as effective on them as it was on humans. He wished that it was more effective on humans.

"Coran, sir." One of the uniformed officers from the Atlas touched his shoulder. He had something in his hands. "I have an AED; we can try to shock her." 

Coran's eyebrows lifted, now this was better, something more like the tech he was used to. He grabbed the paddles and placed them on her chest. The machine gave him instructions and he followed them. He was just about to press the button when the officer tried to stop him. He had no idea what was going on, but the machine said to press, so press he did. The jolt of electricity flowed from the paddles into and across Allura's heart and across her wet skin and clothes and straight into Coran. He blinked twice before falling over.

"Coran?" Romelle cried rushing to his side. The officer grabbed the paddles and sat them back on Allura's chest. He quickly dried her chest and then put them back, pressing again and Romelle watched her body arch from the surface of the ship. Twice more it happened as she cradled Coran; her fingers pressed to his pulse feeling his breath on her arm. On the last jolt the officer looked over to her and smiled.

"We have a beat." He said and Romelle thought he was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen.


	28. Chapter 28

"Captain."

"Major?" Shiro waited anxious at the tone of Curtis's voice.

"We've arrived at the crash site for the Black Lion. Sir, it's…," he could hear the deep breath on the com before he continued, "It's crashed into a cliff face. A lot of face has collapsed onto the lion."

"Major, stop beating around the bush." Shiro nearly growled.

"The lion is almost completely buried, sir, it's going to take us awhile to get to him. There is a lot of damage." 

Shiro could read between the line of what was said. They wanted him to accept Keith might be gone, that they might not make it to him in time if he wasn't. That was not going to happen.

"Then we better get to digging. I'm send additional equipment to your location. Cannon Base 3 already contacted us, and the civilians have taken control. They are close and will have what you need." Shiro refused to let any doubt enter his voice. They were going to get Keith back. He was fine. 

"Captain, I've got a Galra cruiser in the air!" The alarms began blaring on the still not functioning Atlas. 

"Where?!" Shiro called out.

"It's taking off from Cannon Base 4."

"Where is it heading?" Shiro gripped the console. He wasn't sure who was closest. 

"Here. Its trajectory has it headed to us. At current speed it will be here in a less than ten minutes." The young officer on the station looked terrified. 

Shiro took a deep breath, much of his senior staff was out on the rescue missions, but the team in the Atlas were Garrison officers and cadets and they could do this.

"This is the Captain. I need everyone to their stations. We have an approaching Galra cruiser. I need this ship in the air in less than five minutes. I need everyone, civilians included, working to have the ship secured and prepared. We can do this!" 

The resulting commotion was urgent, but targeted. Officers and cadets helping to direct civilians where needed. Coleen had taken charge of securing the sick bay area. Nearly four minutes later, the engines fired.

"Prepare for transformation!" Shiro announced ship wide before he placed his hand on the panel and the ship launched into the air, shifting and moving until it had left the robot shape and returned to its original form.

"Sir, we have a second cruiser incoming from Cannon Base 5." 

"I need a status on the weapons and particle barrier." Shiro called.

"We have minimal weapons." Someone he didn't know called from the weapons control.

"Shields will be up in twenty minutes." Someone else he didn't know called out.

"Twenty minutes is not acceptable. I need the particle barrier in two minutes. Shift crew to focus on that." Shiro ordered. "Without the MFEs we are going to need the shields to protect against any fighters they have."

"Shiro, Captain, sorry,” Coleen’s voice came through on his com.

"Go ahead." 

"Sam had a set of trial drones, similar to the ones you had on the castle. Send me four pilots to the science lab and I think I can get them launched." Her calm voice was a balm.

"Alright, you'll have them."

"Sir, the only pilots left on board are second years." the young officer at the helm spoke softly. "They are working in the MFE bay."

"Patch me through." Shiro requested. "Cadets, I need all pilots to report to the science lab. I know you haven't finished your training and I'm not asking you to go out in a fighter, but I need the four best pilots flying a set of defensive drones. We are counting on you to keep the fighters in check. I know you can do it."

"Sir, the first cruiser is approaching. Fighters incoming!" The first blast rocked the Atlas.

"I need that particle barrier now or this is going to be a short fight!" Shiro called as the bridge rocked from another blast. "These fighters are bad, but we don't want to start taking hits from that ion cannon."

"Particle barrier in t minus 30 seconds." 

"Evasive maneuvers. Coleen, we need those drones as soon as you can get them!" Shiro commanded. "Come on crew, let’s make sure the rest of Sendak's men get the message. They are no longer welcome on Earth!"

***

The metal body of the Green Lion sizzled as they approached. The fire in the surrounding area was out, the ground covered in glowing coals and ash. Steam rose from their water drop.

"Katie, come in?" Sam had been trying since the drop, but so far, no response.

Rizavi and Kincade moved forward carefully among the ashes, watching and guarding Commander Holt. There was no way they would let anything happen to him. He was too focused on trying to contact his daughter to notice little things like the tree that almost collapsed on him, raining hot ash around them. Rizavi had barely pulled him away from being caught in the face by it.

They moved closer to the lion edging around hotter patches. He called to her the entire way. Rizavi grimaced at Kincade. She could imagine her own father searching for her, though in that case there would be a lot more cursing and yelling, she did come by her boisterous personality naturally. 

He reached out to grab the handle for the Green Lions hatch and would have latched right onto the sizzling metal if Ryan hadn't caught his hand.

"Sir, let me." Ryan pulled his belt loose and wrapped it around the door’s handle, it hissed and smoked, melting slightly. Then carefully using gloved hands he gripped and pulled until the lever moved and the hatch opened. He winced as the heat burned through even that much. "Be sure not to touch the edges on the way in."

Nadia having seen the wince, grabbed his hand, but he pulled it back shaking his head. It wasn't that bad, maybe a second-degree burn. Commander Holt rushed through the door; Nadia breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't make contact with the doorway.

"KATIE!"

Ryan ran in next; he had the medical training between him and Nadia. Commander Holt had knelt next to the Green Paladin. She was lying on the floor. The Commander was gently rolling her onto her back. 

"She's alive." he whispered.

"Okay, sir,” Ryan joined him and begin checking her. Breathing shallow, pulse thready and weak, skin red, no sweating evident, obviously dislocated shoulder, sluggish bleeding from the left leg, unconscious and nonresponsive to pain - not good. "We need to get her to a hospital, sir. Once we get to the shuttle, have one of the cadets we brought put pressure on the gash in her leg."

Commander Holt nodded and scooped her up into his arms, face carefully blank. He was too intelligent to not realize how bad she was hurt. He used more care exiting Green than he had entering and then they were off running for the shuttle.

***

"Veronica, is that?" Marco's voice whispered.

"A Galra cruiser, yeah." They were parked in the shadow of a half-collapsed barn. "Heading toward the Atlas if it keeps going that direction."

"Are they ready for it?" Luis asked nervously. Their family, his children, were still on the Atlas.

"The captain will be ready." Veronica whispered.

"I can't get them on the radio." Roy, one of the two medics Veronica had grabbed from the civilian section of crew put down the communication device.

"They are probably blocking signals in the area, trying to surprise the Atlas." Veronica spoke flatly, "But they won't surprise the Captain." 

"How do you know that?" Luis growled.

"I know." She met his eyes without doubt. She knew, in her bones, she knew. "They are getting ready to fight and those cruisers won't stand a chance. I know every member of that crew and I know they won't let us down." She nodded to end the conversation. "Now, let's go get Lance."

"I see it!" Macro called out, pushing harder on the throttle, though it was already all the way to the floor. The sun glinted on the Red Lion, just ahead.

***

Curtis leaned back and wiped the sweat from his eyes. He, Griffin, and Leifsdottir had been moving rocks as quickly as they could. Griffin had attached a chain to his MFE and was using it to pull large rocks back and away from the Lion's still body. He and Leifsdottir were moving smaller rocks and guiding his chain when needed. Griffin really was a good pilot and Leifsdottir seemed to be able to see just which rocks needed to be moved.

There was a dust coming from the distance across the desert from the direction of the Cannon Base. Curtis hoped it was the excavating equipment Shiro had promised. He breathed in and out, savoring the thought of the Captain, standing tall and true at the helm of the Atlas. He'd been only a couple of years behind him in the Garrison and remembered watching him fly. It was like nothing he'd ever seen before, like everything flowed naturally, like he was born to do it. He remembered the horror he'd felt when the Kerboros mission had gone missing. He remembered the anger that burned when he heard the lies spouted about pilot error. He knew it was wrong. No one as natural as Shiro made a mistake like that. He didn’t understand why they hadn't just said it was an accident or mechanical issue or whatever it really was. It hadn't made sense and it had made him believe they were hiding something. So, when Commander Holt returned, and he heard his story he knew it was true. He had volunteered immediately to crew the Atlas and had begun training on its systems as the blueprints were drafted.

"Major?" Inna pointed to another rock. "I need help with this one, sir."

"Okay." He reached forward and pulled with her until it moved. "Any word on the com? Any response from the Paladin?"

"No, sir, nothing. But sir, James just let me know, he's lost contact with the Atlas." Inna frowned looking up at the MFE.

"If we get enough help from the Cannon Base, then you two will head back to the Atlas." Curtis nodded. "Until we know, we keep digging." He looked at the Lion's legs. They were barely even halfway there. There was so much damage. Could they even hope to find the Black Paladin alive?

***

He stared at the other three Commanders on the screen. They had been defeated. Their leader and almost all their cruisers eliminated. Two other bases too weak to stand against mere human prisoners, slaves, had already fallen out of their hands. There was no way left to achieve victory this day. The human's huge battleship was recharging, even with the reports of Voltron being blasted from the sky, the battleship alone would be enough to bring down what they had left. Sendak had failed and now it was up to him.

"We cannot achieve victory this day, brothers. We have fought, but now is the time to fight with all that we have left. Sendak is no more. He gave his last breath. He took this world and bent it to his will, crafted destruction from its depths and fought and defeated Voltron. It is true. Voltron has fallen from the sky. The only weapon of power remaining to the humans is the giant battleship they had hidden under their particle barrier. The Fire of Purification cannot be stopped. We will purify this world. We will pave the way for our brethren to follow, to come after us, and finish this pitiful planet. We will be the spearhead. We will be the Vrepit Sa!"

"Vrepit Sa!" The others yelled in unison.

"Our two remaining cruisers will take all of the fighters we have and attack the Atlas. You will hit them with everything that you have and if they recharge enough to make it off the ground, you will ram them with the cruisers. We may not live to see the victory, but we will the instrument that brings it about. Those of us remaining at the bases will arm the self-destruct mechanisms. We will destroy the bases, their technology and every human within them. Our people will long remember our bravery, our courage, our dedication to the Fire, to the Galra way, to the Empire! VICTORY OR DEATH!"

"VICTORY OR DEATH!"

"VICTORY OR DEATH!"

"VICTORY OR DEATH!"

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah...so have a tumblr...no idea what I'm doing, but here it is :)
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/shastelly


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